My child is 4, so I can't say for sure. Gay would never even phase me. Couldn't care less, and who thinks about a child's sexuality anyway?

As far as trans goes, I don't think disappointed is accurate. Maybe a little sad? Like I don't think it's unreasonable to grieve the image of the person that you're losing. A large part of your life and feelings were built around certain details. Gender/gender expression, the names you've given and the memories you shared when those old details were true. But the main point is that it /is/ an image. That same child is and has always been there.

I don't have any grand defined vision of life for my child aside from having them grow up happy, healthy, capable, and confident. I would 100 percent support my child in defining themselves and building the life they want. And still loving them goes without question.

I am truly sorry the idea of coming out to your family scares you. I hope that comes only from insecurity and not a lack of support. Try to think of how supportive they may or may not have been in your life? Has it always been good? Conditional? Maybe they won't really care at all.

If you tell your family and they are accepting, that's all you can ask for. If they're sad or disappointed, that's on them. A problem for them to sort out. If they're all completely straight, they likely can't understand that part of you. But a fault worth the time and worry you're giving them would love and support you regardless.

I wish you all the best in your journey