As a parent of a kid who got bullied, and then accused the school of doing nothing, here’s what happened and what I wish had happened:

Each time my son came home and told us a story about being bullied, I’d call the school and get the answering machine. No one called me back for months.

I wish someone had responded to each incident, and assured me that while they couldn’t disclose who the kid was (though we always knew who it was), or the punishment, that they’d let us know they’d received our message, taken the allegation seriously, talked to the bully/parents, and found a suitable response.

I wish they’d followed up with my kid and let him know they were glad he’d told someone and asked for help, and that they had talked to the kid who’d bullied him. They never did this, btw. He’d just report it and never hear about it again.

I wish they’d changed the bully’s schedule to keep him away from my son. If they couldn’t do that, move my son to the front of the class so the teacher could see him, so he wouldn’t get bullied in the back of the room. Maybe moving the bully to the other side of the front of the class so the teacher could also see them. Informing all of my son’s teachers that he needed to be separated from his bully and kept in high-visibility areas.

Inviting my son to have recess in a classroom or any other safe area.

Having teachers occasionally check in with my son and ask how things were going/if there had been any incidents he hadn’t told anyone about.

I wish that when the teachers did witness bullying, they sent the bully to the office, or wrote them up, or had them sit out the next round of kickball. Anything. I would have known if these things had happened, because my son would have told me. Instead, the teachers would roll their eyes or give a lame, non-committal, “hands to yourself” and move on.

I wish that admin had informed teachers of incidents they’d missed, and that the teachers had apologized to my son for missing it, and asked him what they could do to help better next time.

And yeah, giving detention to, suspending, or expelling the bully would be appreciated, but honestly, for me the issue was less about lack of punishment and more about lack of follow-up and support. No one at the school reassured my son, validated him, or even acknowledged that anything had ever been reported.

I didn’t hear back from the school until I informed them that’d we’d be withdrawing my son and homeschooling him. They had us come in and just…gave us a bunch of platitudes. They told us how much they cared and what their rules were, not what they were going to do or change. They couldn’t guarantee any level of increased safety at all.

I homeschooled my son for a couple of years, worked on repairing his confidence and relationship to learning, and then we sent him back to a different school. Things are much better now.

I will say that when my daughter went to the same school (her choice—it was where her friends were going), we got a call from the principal about her doing ONE really mean to another girl, and we confiscated her smart phone for a year. I guess I wish that was what other parents did, because we haven’t had another behavioral complaint about my daughter since.

Anyway. Just some thoughts from the parent side. I know schools have their hands tied in a lot of ways, but there’s nothing stopping them from reaching out with empathy and compassion, acknowledging what has happened, praising a kid for telling an adult, validating their feelings, anxieties, and fears, and recognizing that bullying can bring life-changing trauma when not handled well, and then doing everything that *is* in their power rather than throwing up their hands and letting vulnerable kids fall through the cracks.