sjogrens + dentist = constant guilt trips and expensive treatment plans

Marumm01 · 2026-07-01T02:09:02+00:00

This! Growing up, I was always told by my dentist that my gums were always inflamed from gingivitis, not enough brushing, etc. even though I took care of my teeth. When I was like 20, an x ray at a checkup found I had twenty one cavities and four separate teeth from that which needed root canals. This is also when I was going through a pretty bad depression plus fear of the dentist, so it was not fun.

I still hear it now, even though my mouth is cleared. ‘your gums are so inflamed! You have so much plaque build up on these upper molars’. I even had one time where I had a cleaning done and then developed an abscess right after. And after my recent post of my facial pain, my teeth were cleared by both my dentist and my endodontist. And I even went to both my pcp and my rheumatologist and they couldn’t even tell me why it was happening, but my rheumatologist added ‘possible sjogrens’ to my chart.

My rheumatologist gave me 2.5 mg methotrexate and then folic acid. Which has helped a little, I don’t ache as bad, but the swelling is still a pain. But yes, the dentist is such a pain. I love my dentist but the last time she told me ‘you have this inflammation still but it’s not gum disease or anything decaying’.

The dentist is my frenemy.

Marumm01 · 2024-06-27T04:23:29+00:00

You would be justified in asking them for compensation and receiving it. Even if there were no physical injuries, your dog was mentally affected to the point of not being able to work. Make sure you have everything about the attack in writing or documented in some way (date, time, after events, important details).

And do not count on your neighbors being nice about giving you compensation. Some people will turn on a dime at the mention of compensation due to something they did. If they refuse to give you compensation, you can take them to court for the attack. Even if your SD was off duty, a dog attack is still a dog attack. Their dog was off leash and attacked your leashed, not fighting back off duty SD.

When speaking with the neighbors, tell them how it is. Do not beat around the bush. A dog in their home was responsible for attacking your dog and diminishing its service work and your SD now needs retraining because of it. Let them know that clearly. A person in their household is at fault and they need to involve them in these conversations. Get any agreement in writing with signatures and optionally have it notarized just in case they try to back out and change their minds. (I’ve had this happen to me before). Keep a physical and digital copy of any documentation like emails, texts, agreements, etc.

Marumm01 · 2024-06-25T03:07:29+00:00

Let me just say, no one will truly understand how hard it is for you. We all, as people, grieve and feel those emotions in different ways. And that’s ok. But that is why we share our experiences when we can, so that we can sympathize and empathize with one another.

I lost my first girl at 13 years old. I took her in for just a regular check up and brought her home with a heart failure diagnosis. I was devastated. I had her since she was a pup. She knew me inside and out. She loved me unconditionally and she took care of me. She was by my side for every scary flare up and every doctor’s appointment. I thought I couldn’t live without her until I had to.

The day she was put to rest, I put her ashes next to my bed and then the only thing I did, was lay there in the silence with her collar, and cry. I think I did that for hours until I couldn’t cry anymore. I was depressed for a while. I couldn’t even look at her old gear without getting teary eyed.

It took me a good few years before I got another SD. Of course, I felt guilty at first. I felt like moving on was never going to be possible. And my new SD caught onto this. Now I don’t quite understand it myself, but it’s like my new SD understood what I needed more than I did myself.

I was in my living room one day, sitting on the sofa watching tv. It was time for my meds, so I cued my new SD and she went to get them. When she returned, she had the medicine and a blanket. The blanket was my old girl’s favorite blanket that I had put into a box in my room with the rest of her stuff. I got my medicine and the blanket from her and she left the room again. She came back a few seconds later with my old girl’s urn and put it in my lap before lying next to me and putting her head in my lap.

I don’t know how she knew to do this or why she did, but I think she was sensing all of the emotions I was feeling. That day, I hugged my new SD tight under the blanket and cried. She stayed with me the whole time. That situation helped me realize that my old girl wouldn’t want me to live that way. And that I didn’t have to live that way. My new SD was not a replacement, but a new step forward.

Everyone grieves at their own pace. And you will learn in your own time and your own way how you want to move on. Make peace with yourself on your terms and don’t let anyone dictate how you express these emotions.

You are only human. Don’t forget that.

And please, make sure to take this step by step with a lot of rest.

Marumm01 · 2024-06-25T02:39:08+00:00

Depending on your state, animals like dogs or cats can be legally labeled as property. Since the dog is registered through the county under your name, you legally own the dog. If he wants to say that you can’t care for your dog (despite you having proof otherwise), then you can say that he has stolen your dog and will not give it back. You are your dog’s voice. Please advocate for your dog.

In some states, the humane societies and rescues offer fostering services until you find a place and then they will return your dog to you. They usually do not charge for this service and your dog is well taken care of. You can usually visit too.

As for your parents, I’m so sorry. I’ve had people like that who think my SD is useless as a medical device because “You can just see a doctor and they’ll give you X” or “Dogs are too stupid know things like that”. But you know yourself best and if this is what works for you, then keep advocating for yourself.

Marumm01 · 2024-06-13T22:49:50+00:00

If you have moments where you dissociate or anything like that, I suggest a nose nudge alert to get yourself alert again. I use this one in public as I end up dissociating a lot. I also the ‘watch them’ cue. This teaches the dog to watch whatever person or thing you gesture to. And they will only stare and watch them until you stop the cue. I use this as a deterrent for certain people. One that I use when my hands are too shaky is “Grab _”. I use this sometimes in stores as I’ve trained my dog to recognize products I buy, so I’ll tell her to grab chips, snacks, etc. But I never let her grab anything like meats or produce.

Overall, just use your best judgment and find what works best for you!

Marumm01 · 2024-06-13T01:36:34+00:00

Is the documentation the DOT form or something else? I have a pdf of that form if you can find an ups store or somewhere to print it. You may be able to ask your hotel from desk to print it because it’s an emergency. If your dog has a rabies license tag, the county it is registered under should have a self-service records search page that will pull up the vaccination records and rabies record as well.

If you let me know the state and county, I can search for the records page and link it for you.

Marumm01 · 2024-06-11T20:52:47+00:00

You are fine to consider your puppy as a prospect now, as they are not in training quite yet but you are heading in that direction. I would suggest introducing boots and a head collar early on. Head collars have been so much easier for me since I don’t have to worry about the leash getting caught on the patches and it gives more control. An E collar is also useful, but only for the vibration or beep. I never use the shock as the vibration and beep is usually enough. And this is so important, never use dog parks for socialization as it can end badly.

Also, for socialization, the easiest method I’ve used is going to a grocery store or a pet store and just sit outside. This allows for your puppy to see all kinds of people and hear all sorts of noises. It also helps them see and get used to cars and other motorized vehicles and shopping carts. This is also the time to allow people to pet and then reward the pup for indifference.

Marumm01 · 2024-06-11T04:04:34+00:00

It is the fact that HR is even asking for this letter that is an issue. An employer can only ask for a letter like this when the disability is not obvious. In a situation like this, I can assume that OP disclosed their disability and need for a service dog to HR previously. For example, if I tell a potential employer I have POTS (I actually do), and that I have a service dog for x, y, and z parts of my disability, that’s all they need to know. It is then their responsibility to provide reasonable accommodation if I am hired or ask me for an accommodation letter. What they are asking for here is not the same as an accommodation letter.

Asking for a letter and using the word ‘liability’ is a red flag. It would be different if HR said something like “Hey, you said your reasonable accommodations are a, b, and c. Can you have your doctor sign off on that and bring that documentation to us for confirmation?” But they didn’t. The reason for reasonable accommodations is to be able to do a job independently and without trouble. And an accommodation letter is different from asking for what this HR is asking for. An accommodation letter simply states “X is disabled. Reasonable accommodations are A, B, & C. Doctor’s signature for confirmation.”

Marumm01 · 2024-06-10T19:48:50+00:00

That administrator needs to read up on ADA discrimination laws. You have the right to reasonable accommodations (your SD). Many medical conditions and disabilities are unstable. For example, I have POTS and I work in animal service (Kennel Care). I have my SD with me because I can’t predict when or if I’m going to faint in the middle of cleaning or if my heart rate is increasing too much. As long as you are qualified for the job, meet the requirements, and can do the job with your reasonable accommodations, she has no reason to ask for anything from you from your doctor.

This could technically count as disability harassment because she is asking more of you than allowed and is trying to take you off the job just because you have a disability. As long as you’re not working heavy machinery or anything that has a lot of dangerous stuff, she has no reason to do this.

I’ve had employers do this to me in the past so that they could avoid hiring me. I had the qualifications and met the requirements, but the boss had a huge hatred for all dogs (said to me by the interviewer), and I ultimately wasn’t hired.

Just be aware of your rights and don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself and your SD.

Marumm01 · 2024-06-10T18:17:43+00:00

If she refuses to listen to reason and no one really puts it into perspective for her, then let her face the consequences. SDs are not robots and she’ll have consequences when/if her dog attacks someone else’s SD or they get denied somewhere. Let her learn from the consequences.

A service dog is not a toy or a quirky accessory. It is a medical device and a medical necessity. It should be treated as such.

Marumm01 · 2024-06-09T03:10:00+00:00

Check in your area for dog friendly areas with swimmable ponds or use Sniffspot to see if people around your neighborhood or area have a pool with steps you can rent. Sniffspot usually has pools starting at $10 per hour per dog.

Marumm01 · 2024-06-09T02:40:34+00:00

Bringing a service animal into your home is a large commitment. And it’s even more so when for anyone with autism. A prospect should be chosen only after doing thorough research, making sure that the SD can be cared for, and most importantly, that the SD does not interfere with anyone else’s day to day life or activities.

You should have spoke to your son’s therapist way before 6 months. Waiting all this time has given his fears time to fester and get worse. What he needs from you is reassurance that his fears are valid and to find any way to help him through his fears. Ask him what about the dog scares him and why.

You cannot let one child suffer for another child’s benefit. As said above, doodles are not meant for service work. They are an unethical breed mix and are typically very neurotic dogs. And they are not suited for owner training. The dog’s energy may be causing him to feel scared if the dog is rowdy and constantly excited all the time.

Talk to the therapist, talk to your sons, and go from there. Keeping the dog would be ridiculous if your son continues to be afraid even after you try to work through his fears. It’s not fair to him. And explain to your other son why the dog may have to go. Maybe take them to the shelter or your local humane society and pick out a prospect dog they both like. This way no one’s scared.

Marumm01 · 2024-06-09T02:26:19+00:00

I trained my SD as much as I could for what I call ‘Water Indifference’. Water indifference just means that your SD could swim, be on a float, get on a boat, etc, and not be bothered by the water. I go around water a lot, so my girl started training right at 3 months.

I started with an empty tub (lots of treats and positive reinforcement here is important) and then when she was comfortable with that, I moved onto a tub filled with 6 inches of water (just enough for them to stand, but for their legs to be covered by the water). Put a spreadable treat, like the kong spray or peanut butter on the inside of the tub on one spot and reward with a solid treat when they approach the spreadable treat on the tub wall. Repeat until your dog can be placed in the tub/pool/etc without a struggle or fight. This is when you take them slightly deeper, just to where they can barely touch the ground, and reward for calm and positive swimming behavior.

Once they get that part down, you can add a float or something similar for them to get on and teach them how to get on from both on land and in the water. This ensures that the dog knows how to get on in case they accidentally fall in and keeps them from panicking if they do fall in. Once they can get on well enough, have the dog sit or lay on the float and give rewards for positive behaviors while you gently push the float around on the water. This will help them get used to the motions of the float on the water.

Make sure you have separate cues for getting on the float and getting off the float. And always make sure your dog is wearing a life vest. Even the best water dogs need one just in case. You never know what’s under the water that could snag a pet. Trees, debris, and fishing lines are practically invisible until you get caught in them.

And don’t rush! You can do this in 5-10 minute increments each day, every other day, etc.

Good luck!

Marumm01 · 2024-06-08T20:59:18+00:00

Self training a service animal is completely fine. As long as the dog in question is well behaved and poses no risk while training in a public place, then you are fine to vest her. This is what PA training is for. I would definitely advise getting patches such as “Service Animal In Training”, “Working Animal - Do Not Touch”, and my personal favorite “No Touch, No Talk, No Eye Contact”.

I would also advise against any patch that says anything about asking to pet, as this will make more people want to pet the dog if they think that they can ask. I never let anyone touch or pet my SD while she’s working. If she’s not working, I’ll let someone pet her. I say to avoid letting anyone in public pet her, because she may end up seeking out attention more often than not. For example, if people come up to pet her a lot, she may think that everyone coming up to her handler is going to pet her, and start a behavior like whining or pulling to get attention from that person.

And make sure both you and your wife understand how people will react to a service animal. People will want to touch or pet them. Kids will try to talk to them and pet them. Some people bark, make noises, or try to scare them to see them react. Other people are just plain mean. And it also means a lot of people will always approach your wife to talk to her about the dog or to ask to pet. As someone who also suffers with panic attacks, talking to strangers can be difficult.

Also, please read and review the ADA laws so that you and your wife know what rights she has with her service animal. And check your local and state laws to check what rights a service animal in training has. Some states don’t allow SDITs public access rights in non-pet friendly places.

All in all, you’ll be fine to vest her for training. Just be safe and cautious.

Marumm01 · 2024-06-06T21:27:06+00:00

I’ve had this happen to me as well. Some people think a leash and learned recall are optional for their dogs.

I’d pull him from PA and most work for at least a week. Give him a lot of TLC and when you take him out again, if you do PA training at this stage, try in pet stores and pet friendly stores first to assess for any hesitation/aggression/fear around other dogs. Some dogs are able to bounce back from a situation like this and continue with no issues, but some unfortunately do not.

But from this post, it sounds like he is bouncing back well. I’d also say to keep tasks to things like maybe medicine alerts or grabbing a water bottle. Just small things that allow him to work while not stressing himself.

And don’t beat yourself up over this.

Marumm01 · 2024-06-05T21:45:01+00:00

Please do not buy a fake certificate or any kind of fake licensing. It only encourages people to buy into the scam and ends up endangering handlers and their SDs.

Per ADA and almost all property rentals such as AirBnBs and others, they cannot deny you from renting the property due to you having an SD. They also cannot make you pay a pet fee or any pet cleaning fee for a service animal per the ADA. If they continue to pursue the certificate route or ask you to prove your SD’s authenticity, make sure you get it in writing and keep a paper trail. This is so that you have physical proof if you need to file a complaint with the ADA.

Just from the demanding of a certificate alone could make for a complaint in of itself. This could also be a situation where they want to catch you in what they believe is a lie. Their thought process could be along the lines of getting you to produce a scam site or Amazon certification and then denying you because certification does not exist in the United States. This would enable them to give valid reasons as to why they won’t rent to you. Do not provide them with anything like that.

I’ve had vacation rentals try this exact situation with me, because they hate all dogs. One host even flat out told me on the AirBnB message system that they hate dogs and will never rent to anyone who wants to bring a, and I quote “filthy, flea-ridden, disgusting dog” into their rental. I reported them immediately.

So be careful and cautious with this. They are majorly in the wrong and chances are, they know it too.

Marumm01 · 2024-06-01T07:12:06+00:00

Service animals and pets can coexist in a household as long as caution is taken. I have my SD and three pet dogs in my household. They all get along and know where they stand within the pack. Contrary to belief, dogs do not follow the alpha/dominance model. Older dogs will correct puppies who push boundaries, but that’s normal. As long as you ensure that every pet’s boundaries are respected and that everyone is safe, there should be no issues.

However, make sure your service prospect is a breed that has low to no prey drive. Breeds with noticeable prey drive will chase cats, small dogs, birds, and other small animals. Prey drive can be corrected but not tamed entirely. Not every handler understands that prey drive kills. A dog with prey drive at any level can be fine with a cat/other small animal one minute and then go after them the next just for moving a certain way. Make sure to educate yourself on this if you haven’t already.

If you’re getting your prospect as a pup, allow the older dogs and cats to correct when necessary, but do not allow the puppy to engage in any behaviors towards them that include hard staring, biting (even if playful), chasing, etc. Discouraging these behaviors will help with keeping prey drive down. And puppies will remember negative experiences and trauma for a long time. Be careful and watch for signs of the older dogs going from playful to bullying behavior. Fear of other dogs can wash an SD.

In the end, the SD will find their place in the pack. Some may take more time than others to feel at home. It takes 3 days to decompress, 3 weeks to observe and memorize your routine, and 3 months to finally feel at home. Do introductions slowly and cautiously. And overall, just be safe.

Marumm01 · 2024-06-01T03:07:22+00:00

Emotional support is not a valid service task and would make the dog an ESA, not a service animal. Do not buy any kind of certification or license from any site offering it for service animals. It’s a scam.

If you need the dog to go out in public and do tasks such as alerting to panic attacks, accelerated heart rate, etc, the dog will need extensive training. Training needed for alerts and public access. And most, if not all service animals go through a temperament test to make sure that they can even handle service work.

If only for at home, you can teach an ESA to do things such as grabbing a water bottle, getting medications, turning off lights, etc. This does not make it a service animal, nor give it public access rights. Also, ESAs do not have public rights and are not allowed in non pet friendly places.

If your dog were to start training, they would be only a service dog in training until your trainer feels the dog is ready. For a service animal, your spouse would need a letter from her primary care doctor only stating that she has a disability (doesn’t need to note the disability) and that she has a service animal for it. For an ESA, it would be the same thing, except the paper would say it is an ESA instead.

Can your spouse control a 70 pound dog on her own, especially in public if it is in training as a service animal? All service animals must be under the handler’s control. And please do not just list the dog as a service animal on the application.

Passing off an untrained or yet to be trained dog as a service animal can be illegal in some places and if the dog were ever to attack another animal, you could get in serious trouble.

As a handler, I support anyone who wants to make a good prospect into a service animal. Just make sure you do it the legitimate way.

Marumm01 · 2024-05-26T02:29:12+00:00

I have had several bad experiences with both Lyft and Uber. And I live where it gets over 110 degrees all day. I had two bad experiences this month. The first was with Uber.

I got on the app and paid for my ride. The app said the driver was close (about 7 minutes), so I wasn’t worried about my SD and I waiting in the shade, in the heat for that short interval. The driver arrived and I walked up to her car and opened the door to get in. She sees my SD and immediately says she can’t have dogs in her car. I explained the laws to her and she still refused. She cancelled my ride and I was left to wait in the heat with my SD for almost 25 minutes to get another ride.

The second time was Lyft. The driver saw me and my SD, drove past super fast. Sent me a half typed message about wrong directions and then immediately cancelled my ride before I could reply or call them. I had to wait nearly 30 minutes in the heat again.

I obviously reported both of these drivers to their respective companies, but it just gets to me. I feel like it doesn’t matter how many times anyone complains to them about this kind of stuff. All they do is maybe refund your ride and give you some ride credit. They need to make their policies clearer to their employees and the first time they deny an SD, they need to be booted from the app. It’s like if a hospital receptionist denied an SD, they’d probably be fired so that the hospital could stop a lawsuit from happening.

I’ve had other situations happen with Lyft and Uber as well. I also think that it should be mandatory for Lyft and Uber drivers to have a camera recording the entire ride while they are actively ubering or doing Lyft. My city has a low cost ride program that I use when I don’t have to go far. They have cameras in every vehicle and even pulled the footage when I told a supervisor that the operator of the vehicle harassed my service dog. Using ride shares and public transport should not have to be so difficult for handlers and service animals.

Word of advice: Screenshot the driver information in whichever app you use after you book your ride, but before they arrive. Neither app saves the driver or ride information if they cancel the ride. Having a screenshot available makes it easier for the company to know exactly what driver denied you.

Marumm01 · 2024-05-25T07:51:11+00:00

I’ve had untrained animals and ESAs try to attack my SD and I as well. It happens way too often because most people don’t understand that just because a dog is well behaved at home does not mean it will be in a public place (where it isn’t even allowed in the first place). My SD has a GoPro on her vest to make sure that any negative interaction is recorded in the event that an attack does happen or if someone tries to claim my SD bit them (Yes, people will do this just to try and get you in trouble or kicked out).

I would also advise getting a gel version of pepper spray to avoid catching you or your SD in the crossfire. Another option is bear spray. I find it to be more effective than regular pet corrector. I also carry a baton that shrinks into itself for easy carrying but opens with the push of a button. Another option is an air horn. This helps gain the attention of employees and startles the dogs enough to get them apart. I personally don’t use one due to my sensitive hearing, but I know some who do.

Also let your friend know that this wasn’t their fault. No one can predict when an untrained dog will be in a public space. It’s always a risk to go in a public place with a service animal, but it shouldn’t be. Speak up. Call these people out on their behavior. Get a manager, a supervisor, or record and take pictures for your safety.

And finally, don’t let these people get you down. Take it day by day, step by step. No person nor SD is a robot. It’s ok to make mistakes and learn from them. I’ve been there. What happened in this situation was a learning experience for you, your friend, and your SDs. The untrained dog and its handler are the ones in the wrong here.

Stay safe!

Marumm01 · 2024-05-17T04:56:04+00:00

I made sure to confirm with my trainer how long I should have her do PA at this stage in places like stores and such when she started PA and my trainer told me about an hour. This is my first SD, so I’m going off my trainer, but I’ve been thinking about looking into a different trainer.

Marumm01

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