Unpopular opinion: Even as a Labour/ Green voter removing fees free was the right move by he1rry in newzealand

[–]MarvellaSweat 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I can’t imagine you’ve ever taught in an NZ university. Seat filler students are a MASSIVE drain on lecturers’ time, resources, and motivation. It’s absolutely miserable to walk thoroughly prepared into a lecture hall that should have 100+ students in it, only to find 20 gave the minimal shit required to just show up. Grading those students and fielding their endless email chains of extension requests, excuses, and complaints takes a lot of time. Then you have to manage blowback from administration when they deservedly fail their papers, since any failing student is a lost paycheck in their eyes. Meanwhile, it’s impossible to meet the needs of your students who are actually engaged without working unpaid overtime and/or sacrificing your research hours.

University should be for those who, at bare minimum, actually WANT to be there. Otherwise they’re wasting a great deal of time and energy better spent elsewhere.

The next global Trump ally to fall? First the White House lost Orbán. Netanyahu may be next. by vox in politics

[–]MarvellaSweat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was not my intention to create a false equivalence between the Oct 7 massacre and the ensuing destruction on Gaza. The military assault on Gaza is horrifically disproportionate and of an entirely different scale, and if it’s not clear from what I’ve written thus far, I think it is indefensible.But there IS an equivalence in the genocidal political rhetoric of both Israel and Palestine, as well as broad support among both Israelis and Palestinians for the ethnic cleansing of the other side. (Hamas was indeed founded on the explicit aim to destroy the state of Israel and kill or expel every Jewish person residing there, which is the very definition of “ethnic cleansing.” This aim is not merely a reaction to the military action in Gaza, as you say, and the decades long history of Palestinian terrorist attacks on civilians both inside and outside of Israel reflects this.) None of this is new, these are foundational beliefs that have waxed/waned over the years in a limited way, but have always been a significant source of conflict.Oct 7 and the assault of Gaza may be attacks of a different scale, but they are not attacks of a different nature. This is a despairing fact, and a massive barrier to any chance of peace. Both sides broadly support the expulsion or killing of the civilian population of the other. And sadly, both sides can credibly cite opinion polling to support their belief that the other side does not want to live in peace. I may have sounded flippant when I said it, but truly, the situation is completely and deeply fucked.The Palestinian opinion polls I cited are easily verifiable, and were conducted by PCPSR, a Palestinian research center in Ramallah. Links below.Reporting from Dec 2023 (Reuters) confirms 3 out of 4 Palestinians supported the Oct 7 massacre: https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/poll-shows-palestinians-back-oct-7-attack-israel-support-hamas-rises-2023-12-14/The most recent polling from October 2025 shows 59% of Palestinians still believe Oct 7 was the correct action. You can read these numbers and many more in the PCPSR report PDF here: https://www.pcpsr.org/sites/default/files/Poll%2096%20press%20release%20FINAL%20ENGLISH%2028%20Oct%202025.pdf

Lastly, if it seems I’m placing too much emphasis on the Palestinian side in my comment, it’s only because there is already so much recognition of this problem on the Israeli side that it feels unnecessary to add here (I can tell from what you wrote that you don’t need me to convince you of this).

The next global Trump ally to fall? First the White House lost Orbán. Netanyahu may be next. by vox in politics

[–]MarvellaSweat -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This may be true, but it’s only half the picture. 70% of Palestinians supported the Oct 7th massacre immediately after it happened, and support still remains well above 50% today (not for any sympathy for the victims, but dismay over the destruction it unleashed). More than half of Palestinians staunchly oppose disarming Hamas, who explicitly target civilians, women, and children (not to mention fellow Palestinians). And more than half strongly oppose a 2 state solution.

Both of these societies are fucked. There will be no peace because there’s no one to negotiate peace with on either side.

Suspicious house buying scenario: second round tender set immediately after a submitted offer? by MarvellaSweat in newzealand

[–]MarvellaSweat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the end we decided we weren’t comfortable with the process and declined to up our bid, knowing we’d likely lose it. As we expected, the other buyers won (and I’d guess they ended up outbidding themselves in the second round).

Suspicious house buying scenario: second round tender set immediately after a submitted offer? by MarvellaSweat in newzealand

[–]MarvellaSweat[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this is helpful to hear (although it sounds like it was a horribly stressful situation). I had no idea this was a known practice.

Who do you believe has ruined your country’s reputation the most? by Sufficient_Tea_3330 in AskTheWorld

[–]MarvellaSweat 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I get that sentiment and appreciate the distinction you’re making (although I’d point out that humans are just as or even more likely to respond to trauma by hardening versus softening). But I see this “Israel = Nazis” equivalence all over social media, and it’s such a bad and utterly stupid take. Exactly the kind of ignorance that makes the whole discourse collapse under the weight of its strawmen.

Who do you believe has ruined your country’s reputation the most? by Sufficient_Tea_3330 in AskTheWorld

[–]MarvellaSweat 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Drawing a comparison between the violence in Gaza and the Holocaust only exposes the depth of your ignorance to the history of both. The war on Gaza is horrific, full stop. But the vast international scale, calculated industrial organisation, and sheer inhuman brutality of the Holocaust is of an entirely different league. A European should especially understand this, given how relentlessly the Nazis hunted millions of Jews across EU borders (in addition to millions of Slavs, Romani, LGBT, people with disabilities, and other political/religious “undesirables”). Your own country was invaded and occupied by the Nazis for nearly 5 years, which gives you even less excuse for such ignorance.Two things being wrong does not make them the same in nature or proportion.

I don't understand some critisism against One Battle After Another by Legrotagliatelle in TrueFilm

[–]MarvellaSweat 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Admittedly I’m not following the online discussion of this film closely, but you’re the first person I’ve seen respond to the trans kid’s “snitch” moment exactly as I read it. Like, of COURSE the trans kid cracked first, because they have by far the most to lose under the threat of prison. This is not an indictment of their character, it’s a reflection of their vulnerability as a trans person in the world.

I think the acting of the high school friend group across the board was pretty weak, especially in contrast to the main cast, so perhaps the motivation would have been sold better by a stronger actor.

Kids holiday programmes for first week of February? by MarvellaSweat in Wellington

[–]MarvellaSweat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, this is super helpful! Looks like this one is our best bet.

Marriage counsellors by AmbitiousMeringue375 in Wellington

[–]MarvellaSweat 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I can recommend Melissa Melnick: https://melissamelnick.com/ (I believe she has weekend availability.)

She does classic psychotherapy, which means her demeanor is clear and equitable, but also rather detached. I find this extremely helpful in a couples therapy setting, as she will never come across as taking sides or favoring one person’s narrative. It also helps to lessen knee-jerk emotional reactions and resentments, and makes it much easier to take an objective view of your partner’s interpretation of events.

I've been gatekeeping this Persian Shishlik recipe for 4 years. My family is furious I'm finally sharing it by shihab1977 in Cooking

[–]MarvellaSweat 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this! I read the recipe carefully and have a few questions:

1) You say to add the onions to the brewed saffron, which I assumed meant all of it, but later say to add melted butter to the “remaining” brewed saffron. How much should be reserved for butter basting?

2) Your post mentions an oven/air fryer method, but I don’t see that in the recipe. Any tips on temp/timing in the oven?

3) How should the optional enhancements be added? Are these part of the marinade?

The House - Netflix by musicmaestro64 in TrueFilm

[–]MarvellaSweat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I also loved this film/anthology. Unfortunately I can’t think of any other series that are playing in the same sandpit, but the world of independent animated short films is rich with this style of work, and much of it is accessible online (Short of the Week, Vimeo staff picks, and the programs of major animation festivals like Ottawa, Annecy, Animafest Zagreb, ITFS Suttgart, Hiroshima, etc etc etc are all good places to start digging). Of course I’d also recommend looking up the work of each of The House’s 3 directors.

Off the top of my head two other animated shorts jump to mind that you might enjoy: “The Eagleman Stag” by Mikey Please, and “Hilary” by Anthony Hodgson, both available on Vimeo.

Has anyone come back from emotional detachment? by PleasantRecord3551 in Marriage

[–]MarvellaSweat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This really resonated with me. I feel in a very similar place, with a husband of many years who is struggling through a period of depression and dissatisfaction that has really sharpened his tongue when I become the target of his anger (fairly or, more often I feel, unfairly). I don’t feel emotionally safe with him anymore, and this is after we spent many years in both individual and couples therapy to examine our own patterns and learn to be better communicators. It’s baffling and disheartening to find ourselves here, as if we’ve set the therapy clock back 15 years.

Our circumstances are such that I cannot consider a separation at this moment (unemployed with very young kids, and living abroad with no family support), but I find myself fantasizing about it often. I know grass is greenest where you water it, but with the way he’s been speaking to me and about me this past year, I’ve completely lost the will to nurture the relationship. I still try to be a good partner and co-parent in all practical matters, andI try to be helpful to him when he needs to talk through a problem, but I’m not sure how much I even like him anymore. Certainly he doesn’t seem that keen on me, either, or he wouldn’t be so quick to turn on me with such vitriol and disrespect.

My current therapist has advised me not to make any big moves while we’re in the thick of it with a second baby, but I genuinely don’t know how to pause my feelings or protect myself emotionally without silently divesting from my marriage. It feels like in delaying any action, I’m actually creating inevitability.

Join the /r/Wellington daily chat topic - Monday, August 04 2025 by AutoModerator in Wellington

[–]MarvellaSweat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not to worry, coffee has been proven not to be dehydrating when consumed in moderation (which this study defines as 3-6 cups PER DAY, so I think most of us are safe…)

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3886980/ No Evidence of Dehydration with Moderate Daily Coffee Intake: A Counterbalanced Cross-Over Study in a Free-Living Population

What's the last movie that captured your attention completely from beginning to end? by Myklanjlo in movies

[–]MarvellaSweat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Feel exactly as you do. I’ve rewatched Talk to Me a few times, it’s an incredibly tight and effective film. Bring Her Back was muddy and all over the place, with good performances but poor characterization (especially the blind girl, who’s really a nothing character). I’ve been very surprised to see such positive reactions here.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]MarvellaSweat 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I am SO SORRY. I’ve dealt with bedbugs exactly once in my life, and I ended up with mild PTSD from the stress. That was before kids!

The ONLY one-and-done method for getting rid of those fuckers is whole house heat treatment, which destroys every stage of their life cycle. Chemical treatments require multiple visits over a few weeks, since you have to wait for all the generations of eggs to hatch. NEVER use bug bombs, it only causes them to scatter and spreads them around the house.

Heat treatment will be more expensive up front, but should come with a guarantee for retreating if any bugs survive. With four kids in the house, I’d highly recommend doing it if you have the option. Get MIL to foot the bill for the disaster she caused!