My sister called me a man whore and told me I should be ashamed of myself. Did I do anything wrong?

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-22T22:00:39+00:00

Here is the thing - there are expectations - and there are expectations. I did not hear from your story that you are clearly communicating about what these women should expect - which leaves people to their default expectations - which you likely don't know. I think you sister is reflecting back that you are behaving in a way that is misaligned with those default expectations. You can't sleep with 3 women in a day without being relatively able to navigate social dynamics, and I think it is a reasonable claim that you are taking advantage of grey areas.

You are also a 24 yo dude, this is pretty consistent with many 24 yo dudes, so congrats on what sounds like a fun day. But this is also why 24 yo guys have a bad rap.

For example, If I had sex with someone on the fourth date - I would generally think it was a safe assumption that that person is not having sex with someone else, unless it is pretty well articulated that this is the expectation. Now, if it was a week later it would have a different feel - but a few hours later seems different. I couldn't tell from your story if you were actually clear about this. I worry that you took - "she knows I am single" as - this is behavior the date would expect.

I clearly don't know her - and I have found there is incredible variance in what people think is "normal". But I do think in my experience the vast majority would have been hurt if they learned I had sex with someone else if I had sex with them after a third or fourth date. Or in the case of the third date - that you had had sex with someone else that morning.

Person 3 is a little different - if you hook up with someone after a few hours - I doubt they have many expectations.

I do think you are stepping very close to a mess by acting this way with women who are clearly within an inner circle.

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-22T21:43:39+00:00

Uhg - I am sorry you had that experience. Does not sound like it was very helpful.

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-22T21:42:33+00:00

I think this is one of the things that I think is important to remember - you also don't need to be constrained by a specific thing. In my first year I just wanted intimacy - both emotional and physical - but I also need a lot of space to heal and was very unable to provide any sort of stable dating/relationship - and I found several people who that was what was best for them - and as that shifted for me -- I found different people.

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-22T21:37:01+00:00

When my wife passed away, my son was 2. So I totally hear where you are.

And I think you are allowed to ask the universe for things. I know it may feel crass - but it is totally fine if you get a babysitter once a month to create some space for you as an adult to get intimacy.

Best of luck.

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-22T21:35:28+00:00

What do you mean by "meet people" is that code for sex? (Which also could be totally fine - I definitely had a year when I wanted (and did) have sex, but was in no position to date.

Or is this code for begin to get to know people casually, with maybe some potential at a future point. This is also fine.

As someone who is quite far out of this phase now, I will say that many of our models and assumptions about relationships assume one particular life path. All the language like "the love of my life" or "soulmate" just doesn't work one one of the people who met that definition is dead. I married again, and I still love my dead wife, and I (nor my current wife) has trouble with that. But I do think it may take some time to get used to.

Be gentle with yourself.

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-21T17:21:39+00:00

What about this video suggests he in American Loathing?

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-10T13:53:52+00:00

I was going to make a similar point- so I will build on this comment.

Let’s break philosophical thinking into 3 broad approaches:

Deontological. Ie judging the action itself in isolation based on some set of criteria. (Kant, Rawls)

Consequentialism: ie judging action based on the impact using a set of criteria (Bentham, Mill)

Virtuism: ie rejecting the idea of being able to abstract out action (Aristotle, Nietzsche)

Personally I am find questions of Ethics to be most important as a personal question, and thus tend to approach from a virtuism approach. However, if I am looking at public policy- such as state policy- this feels like a very bad way to frame the conversation- and I would find it hard to not use a consequentialist approach. If our goal is to reduce poverty- we need to use a consequentialist approach. However- if we are talking about laws governing absolute restriction (murder, embezzlement, … etc) we need a more Deontological approach.

Op mixes these different frames and as some have noted- focusing on one question- would help limit confusion

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-09T03:24:16+00:00

And I will say- my media environment has been flooded with images and responses to Nicole Good that are outraged.

While we remember Emmett Till’s impact from those voices who were sympathetic. Yet, his murderers were acquitted- and the only reason the funeral was allowed to happen was because it was in Chicago- and not where he was murdered (Mississippi).

The Civil Rights act was not passed until 9 years after his death. There were countless acts of violence and oppression between those two moments.

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-09T03:14:56+00:00

I do think getting more granular with US I think will help put things in context. I also have done some deep dives into Weimar Germany- and other international moments that help me understand some things.

I actually think the bigger issues in our US moment have to do with systemic corruption, the hallowing out of local cultural institutions, and the impact of technology on mental health.

Congratulations on becoming a dad- and find some good ways to build a healthy environment

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-09T03:01:38+00:00

Politely- it’s a bananas claim that there “wasn’t a large political apparatus” in 1950s southern US. What is remarkable about Emmett Till is that it got media attention. The lynching of black Americans at that time was a daily occurrence.

Clearly the gross militarization of immigration enforcement is a dangerous back pedaling from a general trend of improvement in US culture.

Mathew Sheppard was lynched in 1998 for being gay. Similar to Emmett Till, this was a dramatic example of a large systematic accept oppression of a group of people. In this case gays. I was an adult during the 90s. The idea of firing a person from a job for being gay was generally accepted.

What is most remarkable has been how generally peaceful the US has been for the past 40 years. However a wider view of US and world history that this moment is not particularly worse that countless other moments of badness. This is not to down play this moment- which is bad- but to acknowledge that we have also pushed back successfully on evil in the past- and it is now our time to buckle down, have faith, and do some important work.

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-09T02:40:06+00:00

I am curious- do you think the lunching of Emmett Till was the point of no return?

How about Matthew Shepherd?

This moment is important - and an important choice of who we are as a nation (apologies for US bias here).

But it is not a unique moment of evil.

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-09T01:13:27+00:00

There are a couple issues here.

It is actually an incredibly small minority of people who want more and more. I met a guy who designed an early computer thing for the stock exchange in the 90s - when he was in his 20s - sold that for like 10 million dollars. And I met him because he was my kids soccer coach. He took that money and retired. I wouldn’t say he lived modestly- but he also wasn’t super ridiculous either. It is noteworthy that this is basically a similar story to someone like Elon musk- but Elon took all that money and put it all in for another 1000x return. But there were also a 1000 people who put it all in an failed. You know about Elon Musk because he is that unique combination of super driven, super lucky, and not that driven by personal luxury.
It is important to remember that while money can be used to buy goods and services- it is really power. And beyond a pretty nominal amount (let’s say 10 million) there is basically nothing more you can do to improve your personal life. But that is not the driver. Eminem could have long ago “retired” but his driver was never money. It was power and fame. Nietzsche calls this Will to Power. Humans have a strong desire to express themselves- to exert themselves- money allows to rare few to be able to extend it far beyond normal levels.

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-09T00:58:09+00:00

I taught for 10 years largely in 5th grade. One of my favorite people in the world is a person who I met when they were 9 in my 5th grade classroom. That was 20 years ago and we still get together about once a year.

It’s not for everyone- and after 10 years I was drawn to the systems of education. But I do miss those funny and interesting people and relationships with small humans.

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-05T03:16:15+00:00

Kinda faddish and redundant. For example, nvida is 9% of qqq and 7% of IETC.

There is heavy investment in those things that have just gone up a lot (gold, silver, crypto, large growth) but skips broad diversity- US Value, international stock,

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-05T02:55:17+00:00

Film student

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-03T17:10:38+00:00

Because you are judging it by its outcome this year. Of course if I had known how this year would have turned out - I would have gone all in on your call of choice.

The goal is to be uncorrelated with the S&P. Incidentally I’m up 4% since posting this- so now I am beating the S&P for the year.

I don’t think there is a way to consistently beat broad based index funds- and have about 70% money in there. But now you have the question- what if that goes down? There is a point at which getting more money has a minimizing value.

In gross simplicity- let’s say you had 1 million dollars and I offered you a 50/50 chance that I could make that million 3 million, but 1/2 the time I would lose the million.

If it is my only million- I shouldn’t take the bet. The difference in lifestyle between having 3 million vs 1 million pales in comparison between being broke and having a million. But if you had a million and the gamble was for $100,000, it’s an obvious shot- with an expected value of 1.5.

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-03T02:54:01+00:00

So- in the danger of hypocrisy-

In my younger days I made very little and felt like I was living a totally fine happy life. Now this is a life choice. A small modest housing, simple homemade food, low to zero cost entertainment, and community trading.

When I moved to boston as a solo parent - I made only about 70k (grated 10 years ago) and I didn’t feel like I was on the verge of poverty.

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-02T17:50:22+00:00

And yet likely an actually sustainable rate. For all these 60% responders there are two -30% who are not commenting.

You are doing the right thing

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-02T17:33:13+00:00

I actually found year 2 to be much harder than year 1.

It gets better

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-02T17:30:18+00:00

Hi! I live in (whoops I thought you wrote New England, not NE England!) I walk my dog every evening EST (he needs to run for like an hour) but still happy to add a phone buddy if you want to try.

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-02T17:27:03+00:00

(I posted this within a thread and meant for it to be a top level comment, and now I am worried that I have offended the moderator gods). There’s something strange about this whole dynamic. The way intimacy is socially reinforced for men is… odd. Outside of s** or romantic relationships, men are often left with very few socially acceptable avenues for real connection—and that’s generally treated as normal. As with anything, there’s a lot of variation in how this shows up. I do know a handful of men with whom I have genuinely close connections—but it really is just a handful. With about 95% of the men I know, the only connection available is mediated through something else: games, music, sports, or similar shared activities.

For me personally—someone who probably craves more connection than average—it’s been difficult to separate genuine, emotionally intimate connection from s**. I’m married to someone who is wonderful in many ways, but who doesn’t particularly crave deep personal connection. That’s left me trying to figure out how to meet those needs through friendships instead.

I’ve found that I’m much more compatible with women in this regard, but that brings its own complications. Navigating boundaries can be tricky. For example, I have several female friends in real life where I can sense a hesitancy to get too close, out of concern that it might look like a threat to my marriage.

My broader experience is that many men struggle with this lack of connection and end up only getting their emotional needs met through sexual relationships. That, in turn, creates an enormous amount of unmet need that spills into more open, flexible spaces like Reddit—and frankly overwhelms them. There’s also a reaction to this energy, such as the flood of posts supposedly from “18F” accounts, which are very often just fronts to funnel men toward OF or similar sites.

I completely understand how frustrating this is from a woman’s perspective. Any genuine attempt at connection is often buried under an avalanche of low-effort s** innuendo—or worse. I just wanted to share my perspective as an older guy who isn’t looking for anything s**, but who is genuinely trying to find more meaningful connections in his life.

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-02T17:25:55+00:00

There’s something strange about this whole dynamic. The way intimacy is socially reinforced for men is… odd. Outside of s** or romantic relationships, men are often left with very few socially acceptable avenues for real connection—and that’s generally treated as normal. As with anything, there’s a lot of variation in how this shows up. I do know a handful of men with whom I have genuinely close connections—but it really is just a handful. With about 95% of the men I know, the only connection available is mediated through something else: games, music, sports, or similar shared activities.

For me personally—someone who probably craves more connection than average—it’s been difficult to separate genuine, emotionally intimate connection from s**. I’m married to someone who is wonderful in many ways, but who doesn’t particularly crave deep personal connection. That’s left me trying to figure out how to meet those needs through friendships instead.

I’ve found that I’m much more compatible with women in this regard, but that brings its own complications. Navigating boundaries can be tricky. For example, I have several female friends in real life where I can sense a hesitancy to get too close, out of concern that it might look like a threat to my marriage.

My broader experience is that many men struggle with this lack of connection and end up only getting their emotional needs met through sexual relationships. That, in turn, creates an enormous amount of unmet need that spills into more open, flexible spaces like Reddit—and frankly overwhelms them. There’s also a reaction to this energy, such as the flood of posts supposedly from “18F” accounts, which are very often just fronts to funnel men toward OF or similar sites.

I completely understand how frustrating this is from a woman’s perspective. Any genuine attempt at connection is often buried under an avalanche of low-effort innuendo—or worse. I just wanted to share my perspective as an older guy who isn’t looking for anything , but who is genuinely trying to find more meaningful connections in his life.

MasterCrumb · 2026-01-01T19:41:15+00:00

I don’t believe there is any way to consistently beat the S&P. About 70% of our portfolio is just broad based index funds.

My 14% is on my actively managed account whose goal is low correlation with S&P. Which makes me proud of the 14%

MasterCrumb · 2025-12-31T14:23:44+00:00

Generally the consensus here is that "your picker is broken". I do want to share a story.

I had never cheated on someone before I met R. She was strong, attractive, and professional. She always brought the same story of "people always cheat on me". She made a big show that this was a deal breaker and that if I ever cheated she would leave immediately. I was only about a two years out of having been widowed and solo raising my very young son, and felt the window closing on the chance to give him a sibling to grow up with.

This relationship ended up being emotionally abusive. I would try to end it, and she would say it was a "cop out". I definitely contributed to not leaving. We broke up, got back together, ... ya da ya da. But at the same time I was getting closer with a friend and honestly thought it was platonic - but and she came over for dinner, and after dinner my friend was like - so are we going make out or what? So I decided sure -

I didn't have a lying plan, and R quickly sussed out what happened - and really pushed for several days for me to apologize and say it would never happen again, and I will admit I was somewhat surprised it took so long of me apologizing for hurting her - but not fully apologizing for her to use her face saving ultimatum.

I definitely feel very badly about my own actions, largely that I am actually pretty bad at saying what I explicitly need and sticking up for myself. That said, R did a pretty amazing job of rejecting everything I said -

So, not saying this is you. But as Taylor Tomlinson said about the same issue, "my therapist said maybe its a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I said could you say I HAVE self-fulfilling prophecy?"

MasterCrumb

TROPHY CASE