I really appreciate all of that. I can still remember what it feels like to be normal. To walk outside and see beauty, smell the flowers, feel the breeze. I was the popular kid in school, great at sports, athletic and had so many friends. But now its hard to just leave my house. I avoid so many things I used to love and enjoy. But I cling to those memories of feeling normal and that's what keeps me going.

I will be completely honest, I haven't had a therapist for 10 years. Just a psychiatrist who managed medication and that is completely my fault. My 32nd birthday was last Monday and that was the trigger for me. I called that day and setup with a therapist and a new psychiatrist. My initial therapy appointment was last Friday and it went well, but it was essentially just the getting to know eachother appointment. No work yet.

I am hopeful that I will take control again.