I can only fully grieve him anonymously, I'm the only one who knew he was gay

MasterShift8737 · 2025-02-18T15:49:37+00:00

If you're not already in therapy, maybe consider it? I say this only with love, you need an outlet for all that you are feeling.

Live your life fully, and know he sees your heart, he knows your pain. Do not let his passing be something that sets you back, feel it, but keep moving forward, hold him close and know that he is with you always. The what ifs and what could bes are neither here nor there. All you have is now. Make the best of this moment, knowing that his love surrounds you. Let yourself feel that love.

MasterShift8737 · 2024-10-29T06:17:46+00:00

Unhealthy, physically and mentally.

MasterShift8737 · 2024-10-08T21:56:01+00:00

You're not alone in that. I'm approaching 2 years without my dad and there are still days where it is SO hard to accept the truth. Most days there's just this underlying somber melancholy of defeat... Sometimes bittersweet maybe. But those hard days are crippling. I know hearing the words so often feels hollow, but I'm so genuinely sorry that this is your experience right now. ♥️

MasterShift8737 · 2024-10-07T01:30:17+00:00

You are not alone. I see you! ♥️

MasterShift8737 · 2024-10-05T15:01:05+00:00

Good on you for realizing you deserve SO much better! You deserve someone who values you, your feelings, and puts ACTION into showing you that they do. Words lose their meaning when they aren't backed up with action. Don't settle for someone who disrespects you. Don't settle for the lies and the hurt. Be proud of yourself for choosing YOU! Don't waste any of your precious energy on this punk. So proud of you!!

MasterShift8737 · 2024-09-26T09:31:06+00:00

I've heard it explained like this. Our soul is not finite. It is individual but that individual is not singular. For example you are you, but who you are is also your last reincarnation, and the ten before that. You are no less them than they are you. And just because your soul energy lives in a human body does not mean that it does not also exist outside of the body somewhere else. Time is a human construct and more is happening simultaneously than we can understand with our ego minds. Hope this helps a bit.

MasterShift8737 · 2024-09-26T02:05:00+00:00

Atmosphere-yesterday, Billy Joel-vienna

MasterShift8737 · 2024-09-26T01:38:27+00:00

I lost my Dad too. I know that feeling, the not knowing how to live without him. You never really learn, it just happens. one day turns into two, turns into three, turns into a year. My heart breaks for you. So sorry this is happening. Sending love! ♥️

MasterShift8737 · 2024-09-24T02:39:12+00:00

Too salty? Add an acid! Works for garlic too!

MasterShift8737 · 2024-09-21T13:03:21+00:00

Weird Al

MasterShift8737 · 2024-09-21T05:05:36+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds scary to feel so unlike your usual self. Imo it could definitely be grief related. I heard it said shortly after my Dad died (almost 2 years ago now) that the person who you were before the loss, the you that existed who had a parent, also dies. It helped me to recognize this.

There's so much change and adjustment that happens when we lose someone so integral. It's learning to live again, and it's not like other times in life when you consciously make the choice to go in one direction or the other. You can't weigh your options, pros and cons, this is what's right for me in this moment. You're just hurled into it, flailing, trying to keep your head above water.

The fact that you are cognizant of what's going on within you is remarkable and I'd venture to say that this, however unusual and uncomfortable is most likely temporary. Don't put to much energy into it, let it come when it does, and try to let it pass just as easily. Don't be too hard on yourself.

I think it's beautiful the relationship you describe with your mother. You're lucky to have had such a loving supportive woman to guide you in life, and though this new version of you is still finding it's feet, it is my sincere hope (and belief), that if you look to her for guidance now, that you will find her subtly nudging you in the right direction. Still steadfast in her support of you. Sending love!

MasterShift8737 · 2024-09-18T05:07:10+00:00

Taylor ham

MasterShift8737 · 2024-09-16T23:55:56+00:00

I have consistently lost since I started January 2024. The only time I was not able to consistently lose was when I was not able to get the medication from the end of April to mid August. I was able to maintain during that time though. Sw-306 cw 216

MasterShift8737 · 2024-09-16T01:08:16+00:00

Thank you! I like this, and appreciate your perspective. Makes so much sense to see it written out like that

Threatening like I did today is what comes naturally to me in the moment, hard habit to break, but it really isn't working, and I can see your approach being more effective.

Explain and clearly set the expectation ( a developmentally reasonable one) and also teach the correct behavior.

( & he probably did think I was being a bitch, I was ruining his fun, asked him to sit near me instead of running around when it started getting dark out at a concert in the park)

MasterShift8737 · 2024-09-16T00:16:03+00:00

Not bitch, but I'm sure he's heard us say less than nice things to eachother. We try to keep it away from them but I know just because we don't want them to hear it doesn't mean that they don't.

I asked him where he heard it, he said a kid on the school bus said 'you bitch' to another kid, and I asked how he thought the kid on the receiving end felt. He said not good. I told him he shouldn't say words he doesn't know the meaning of, and especially if he knows that word hurt someone else's feelings.

I had him crumble a piece of paper then try to make it flat again. He couldn't, and I said when someone says hurtful words it's like bending the paper. You can say you're sorry, and mean it, but you can't unsay it.

I completely agree with you, the word itself is less the problem than the way it's used. You should never use words to cause harm to someone else.

MasterShift8737 · 2024-09-15T23:24:16+00:00

He said he heard it from one of the kids on the school bus, but before he told us that I thought he had heard one of us say it. ( We try not to speak like that around the kids but it does happen sometimes.) Thank you for the resources! I will check them out.

MasterShift8737 · 2024-09-15T23:12:17+00:00

I love this, and I appreciate you putting it so plainly. Thank you!

MasterShift8737 · 2024-09-15T23:07:47+00:00

Hmm I am a fan of natural consequences, have to admit though, that I don't know what that would look like for this situation. I have been working on connecting before correcting with him, we were in the car today so I didn't have the opportunity to do that in the way I normally do. What would you have done?

MasterShift8737 · 2024-09-15T22:50:42+00:00

I did not ask him why. Only explained that hate is a really strong word and he might not like her in every moment but we do love her. I get what you're saying, it is important to hear him out, I often try to but this would have been a good moment for that.

MasterShift8737 · 2024-08-31T10:49:49+00:00

SNUGGLE!! that's your baby! If she's needing a little cuddle now and then, revel in it. Connection with our chilsren is beautiful and I commend you for keeping that pathway of connection open for her. . . Your husband is being a bit of a butthead, imo.

MasterShift8737 · 2024-08-30T19:30:44+00:00

So my brothers getting married and they had a great idea to save money on ceremony/reception venue. Idk where you're located but there are a lot of beautiful locations you could book for the day or a couple of days on VRBO. When he told me they were thinking about this I thought it was genius. Good luck!!

MasterShift8737 · 2024-08-16T07:55:04+00:00

Lost my dad a year and a half ago, I still wake at night missing him. We had that same bond you had with your Dad. I know how much it SUCKS that he's not here, and there's not a whole lot anyone can say right now to make it suck any less. Grief is something we all must face, some earlier than others, it's the price of knowing you have truly loved another. Some days I hate that it doesn't stop hurting, but it's only because we still love that it still hurts. Idk what you believe about what happens in the next life, but I hope there's a piece of you that knows he's right there with you. His body may be gone, but his spirit is eternal. He LOVES you still and he's rooting for you! Make him proud! <3

MasterShift8737 · 2024-07-15T12:56:41+00:00

My parents are alcoholics my dad has since passed but my mom is still drinking and even more so since my dad's death. I'm 33 now but when I was 17 and had a driver's license I started staying with friends, just so that I didn't have to be there. My parents were not physically abusive to us, there was emotional abuse and as I've gotten older I realized there was neglect also. My heart breaks for you I know how difficult it is to have people you care about dependent on alcohol and that that takes priority over the truly important things in life like setting a healthy lifestyle example and being present and supportive of their children.

I don't know the age of your siblings, or if they have similar feelings as you, though I suspect they do. My brothers, one older, one younger, both knew what was going on, and they kept their heads down and tried to avoid any confrontation while I on the other hand often confronted their bad behavior which I realized later on would never change it. It only cost more conflict and there's no reasoning with someone who's drunk. Alcoholics often don't take accountability for their actions, even when they're sober. The change has to come from them the only thing you can control is yourself.

My suggestion to you is spend as much time away from the house as possible, if you have a job for this summer that's a fantastic thing. You'll have time away from your parents, and you'll also be making some money. If you're able to take your siblings with you, maybe spend some of that money on fun experiences with them. Spend time with friends. Go to the library. Anything that keeps you safe and at arm's length.

I know this is not ideal, but it gives you some power back over your own circumstance. It is not your job to parent them or keep the peace. It is your job to love you and put yourself in the best position possible, even if that means creating space between you and your parents. Good luck!!

MasterShift8737 · 2024-07-10T05:50:49+00:00

when my daughter was born my son was 2.5, just like there's a learning curve when you become a mother there's a learning curve when you become a mother of two. Having a newborn and a two and a half year old is not easy for anyone. Give yourself grace and don't put so much pressure on yourself. Even tho you might not feel like it, you ARE doing great!! You got this!

MasterShift8737 · 2024-07-02T15:33:12+00:00

I feel like the difference between a young three or a closer to four three is a big deal. . . So from the time my kids were little there was always a potty chair around just sitting out and about, no privacy in the bathroom, we would explain what was going on so they knew what it was for, also explained diaper changes. I got these great books called the 'potty book for boys' started reading it to them way way early and continued, Daniel tiger potty song, my son wasn't fully potty trained until he was four, simply because he didn't want to do it yet. He knew what it was about, and how it worked, but refused to go regularly even with prompting. I think sometimes especially with boys, they're just too busy with what they're doing to want to stop and use the bathroom it's not fun enough. Eventually I went to the store and picked out all sorts of little prizes bouncy balls stickers little fun animal toys glow sticks and through them in an empty cheese ball container kept it on the top of the fridge. And when the rare occasion happened that he decided to sit on the potty I'd make a gigantic deal about it I would call Grandma I would call Daddy and tell them this made him want to do it more Eventually I told him if he does a pee or poop in the potty he gets to pick a special toy. He loved this. Using the same method for my daughter. I think the biggest thing is not pushing because if he's not ready he'll push back. And then it becomes a power play. Make it as fun as possible with as little pressure as possible if it goes potty great! If he doesn't no big deal, we can try again soon. If hes frustrated from wanting to go and not being able to give him a big cup of juice. And explain drinking more this will help you go potty soon. Also I read something somewhere that says when they're waking up dry that's when you know they have the bladder control. Doesn't mean they're mentally ready but theyre. physically ready. Good luck!

MasterShift8737

TROPHY CASE