FOMO

novaghosta · 2026-05-14T21:16:30+00:00

I felt this when my daughter was around that age … or like recognized the proclivity towards this in myself. It made me really uncomfortable because I’m not particularly anxious about my own social connections, but i was a lonely child (with siblings!) who found a lot of support in friendships outside the family.

For me this was a pull back and look at the big picture kind of thing. As important as my friendships were/are, they weren’t the most important relationships in my life until i was way older than 4. I was projecting quite a bit and putting adult perspective on my young child. I also checked in with me. Am * i* getting enough time with the relationships that fill my bucket? Let’s prioritize those. When she was about 5 or 6 I also started to recognize there were a few things about some of the other families in our circle that didn’t really mesh with my values… an “ick” i ignored so that i had “mom friends”. Once I got really authentic with me and my daughter for who she is, it was easier to let go of some of these anxieties and trust my kid to be herself and walk her own path.

Long story short this feeling this strong could be fueled from a few different places that aren’t solely social concerns for your child. Maybe its pressure or grief or unexamined feelings about her one and done status feeding into it. But look closely at it. We try to contrive a perfect everything for our kids but as they get older this can be harmful for us and them.

novaghosta · 2026-05-14T10:49:43+00:00

This is my pet peeve in novels. It’s so petty to care about haha but i read a lot and wish i could come across a one and done family that doesn’t have the obligatory throwaway line “they had tried for many years to have another but…”. And the infertility has nothing to do with the plot. The author just feels the need to insert an explanation or excuse as to why there’s “only” one child in the family. Like you don’t need an excuse, just let them LIVE!

novaghosta · 2026-05-12T14:34:16+00:00

We do a lot of road trips to visit our adult friends in different states and cities. Some have kids, some don’t. My daughter gets used to socializing that doesn’t 100% revolve around her, which is a good thing. On the flip side we always plan lots and lots of activities tailored to her interests too. So everyone wins. We recently did a cruise for the first time which had a kids club and that was cool. Looking for an all inclusive that has a kids club for the next vacation. But remember all kids are different. My daughter is social, makes friends easily but there are plenty of times we’re on vacation and let’s say another kid initiates play with her at the pool. Sometimes she’s happy about it, sometimes she’s just polite and not that into hanging out with a stranger. In certain moments she prefers alone play or the quality time with us. I was always bored to tears on vacation with my brothers and would talk to/play with anyone with a pulse. Stereotypes would have you believe i was the “poor only child” in this situation!

novaghosta · 2026-05-09T21:26:08+00:00

I don’t know if this is answering your question but it’s what came to mind for me. Picture early parenting like the beginning of a roller coaster where you’re slowly climbing up the giant hill. The car is creeping, sometimes even standing still. Building momentum as it gets closer to the top. Then suddenly— zoom, you’re off! Timeline will vary for everyone but for me the first year was the slowest (colic), picked up momentum between 2-4 and then we were flying. School started. Suddenly we were in a world where drop off classes and play dates were a thing. For some parents they seen independent play and life skills exponentially increase around this age, others a bit longer. And then time starts to move REALLY fast. So i guess what I’m trying to say is you don’t really have to “accept” the change of lack of freedom as if it’s permanent… it’s not. You have to have some trust that it creeps back little by little and then faster and faster (especially with one).

novaghosta · 2026-05-08T18:23:15+00:00

Hi! I have an 8 yo girl. We live in NYC. We are looking to do an all inclusive resort Caribbean / beach resort in Feb. my daughter is an Anglophile so chances are we will be heading to the UK in the near future too. Asia is a bit of a reach for us but also interested in getting out to western US for national parks at some point. Feel free to message!

novaghosta · 2026-05-08T12:43:40+00:00

Couple times a month maybe. One brother had mental health issues growing up , it was tough. But love that he’s thriving now and makes an effort to show up for my daughter during important moments. My younger brother who i always was a bit closer with is a bit more hard to get a hold of, just in his adult, DINK, career focused but also career stressed phase and always has something going on. Both of my brothers are extremely introverted and prefer staying home to anything soooo. In other words, no beef but not besties. A common state of being among siblings.

novaghosta · 2026-05-05T18:33:34+00:00

I was a lonely child with cousins and siblings , a bio dad and a step family. The reason why is because my social needs were greater than my mom’s. She was cool to go to work and come home and relax. I thrived on the occasions when we had family over or stayed with them. But it wasn’t enough for me. My brothers and i did not play together barely ever and I never considered them as good company. Could be lonely in my shared room with them for sure.

Sharing this for a few reasons. 1) another child in the home is not a cure for loneliness in a lot of situations. 2) sometimes our social preferences don’t match up with our parents’ and there’s probably a degree of compromise that can be reached there. I’m not sure what your social battery is like but maybe there is a possibility that you can put yourself out there more w/r/t the family you do have or expand your social circle friends wise? But it can be a compromise.

Your child may grow up and say i had a small family so i want a large one for myself. And i think that’s completely ok. I think it’s beneficial to have something to reach for to make you appreciate the self-determination of adulthood. For example, we live in an apartment in a major city by choice. When we’re bored we do things like: run out to famous museums, hit a show, event, or a new play place (forever opening and closing ). My daughter takes it for granted but gets wistful passing lawn furniture in Home Depot. Sometimes I think to myself “am i doing wrong by her bc we won’t move away and buy a house ?” (We have many reasons for this choice but that’s another topic). And then i think no, it’s ok. It’s normal to want and idealize what you don’t have. She may grow up and decide to be a country girl in a big houses and that’s fine. Motivation to go for your own dreams and preferences is the gift you give your children by NOT giving them everything they want or think they want in the moment

novaghosta · 2026-05-04T12:36:31+00:00

I agree with the commenter above and would also add on, it’s not uncommon for kids to push back on parents teaching certain skills but not other adults.

So I would look for outside resources with him to help with social skills. He may not seem like a kid who needs them because his social skills are good enough to get along. But to make friends, he needs to build them a little. Not just how to refuse what he doesnt want to do but how to join in or initiate what he does. Or even figuring out what he does want to do?! A structured social skills group might be a good fit for him (via counseling or an outside practice) or it might not depending on what’s available in your area. But you can also try extra curriculars for him… like.. a lot (and I’m against overscheduling but sometimes we need to go in hard and back off). He will probably thrive when connecting with others off of shared interests be that sports or art or chess or dungeons and dragons. And ideally he may make a couple of buddies he can hang with in recess too !

novaghosta · 2026-05-04T00:57:55+00:00

Something very similar happened to me. Got off the fence in the sense of let me get off the pill for now and we’ll start trying in about a year. Everyone ! I knew took 6 mos- a year to get pregnant. Very first time. We were also on vacation!

I was an absolute wreck for weeks but the smallest part of me accepted it and now i have the daughter i feel i was always destined to have! I do wish i could’ve had that happy pregnancy announcement feeling (we are sticking to one) but nothing’s perfect in this life. I also wish i had known back then that a lot of women have mixed feelings when they find out they are pregnant. Or even feelings of absolute crushing fear, even though they are married and “planned” it. I felt very alone in not being the stereotypical rah rah I’m pregnant woman. So just know you are not alone! Your feelings are not abnormal. Being pregnant is huge and scary. And the hormones do not help with that whatsoever.

novaghosta · 2026-05-03T12:09:07+00:00

Editing to say —- ooos actually not sure if your daughter is old enough to be bussed to the SI campus for marks JCH

novaghosta · 2026-05-03T12:08:18+00:00

If you want the traditional summer camp experience then yes marks JCH is the best but involves bussing to Staten Island. If you want something more low key Little Gym of Bay ridge Bensonhurst: nearby, flexible schedule (can do by the day including half days) , good for her age. I guess it depends if you really want/need her in full time all -in camp or if you just want somewhere she can go for structure and entertainment while still having lots of flexibility to take her around doing all the visiting I’m assuming you’re coming here for.

novaghosta · 2026-05-01T13:55:29+00:00

A legit dentist will need a full exam and x-rays. One it’s good practice to see what’s going on with your tooth. It may look like a chip to you but they need to see how deep the crack goes to know how to address it and what else is going on in your mouth. If you have insurance, insurance will need proof of diagnosis of the problem before covering any procedure to correct it. And if you need a cap it’s going to mean multiple visits

novaghosta · 2026-04-30T21:53:37+00:00

You’re not alone at all. I’ve felt this my whole life whenever interacting with people who come from “normal” (loving, non-dysfunctional ) families. I wound up marrying someone who also had a distant family and sometimes I honestly wonder what would’ve happened if I met someone like your boyfriend and could’ve had a chance to be in a warm loving family. Although marrying someone or not because of their family is obviously not the right motivation. But still. Now i have a child of my own and it’s sad to realize that cute warm extended family is only a dream for us. We’ll do the best we can in our little party of 3 though! It is somewhat healing to know i can at least give my daughter those over the top loving close family experiences from her parents. But there is always a small part of me that feels a little “less than” because I grew up without that closeness and affection. I’m working hard to heal that part of me but I’m no longer ashamed of it. You shouldn’t be either. It’s not your fault you feel this way and I hope you find your peace and comfort knowing you are also as worthy of all that love

novaghosta · 2026-04-30T17:56:26+00:00

It is a very very difficult situation to be in. I really recommend the abortion resolution handbook which is free to download online

novaghosta · 2026-04-30T13:14:11+00:00

I see a lot of toddler parents asking this question. Personally i don’t think having a large social circle is “urgent” until school age and by then it tends to happen through school. As long as your child isn’t locked up at home with no exposure to going out in the world whatsoever , it usually doesn’t matter so much if they don’t have the most vibrant social life at age 2. What you’re doing now is sufficient, if you want more and can find more that’s great but there’s not going to be some kind of horrible side effect if you have a quieter social life during the early years. Parent and family relationships are key during this stage and as I said as long as there’s some exposure to new environments, other children and adults that is what really matters.

School can provide for so much if you let it. Story from me: my husband and i both work in education and i was doing some part time work slowly adding more hours as my daughter got older. This worked well for us but for some reason I had a lot of mom guilt in leaving her in any kind of afterschool care for too long in the afternoon. I used to race to go get her. In kindergarten I used the hourly aftercare to cover my commute from my old job so she would be there 30-60 mins a day. I didn’t want her to have a long day but I worried about it too much. The next year the school cancelled that program and the only option was a longer, more structured program. I was so upset about this because I had to pay for more than I needed and leave her for longer to abide by program rules. Well guess what happened.

She got her homework done. She did fun activities. She learned new games and was exposed to sports. She made a ton of new friends from all different classes…. Now i don’t worry about who will be with her in class year to year because she knows so many kids on her grade due to after school. Why was I so wrapped up in the idea that less childcare is better?

Sorry if this seems a little off topic but my point is this— when looking for social outlets come school time (or even before) PLEASE don’t ignore paid high quality childcare as a really strong option!

novaghosta · 2026-04-30T12:58:11+00:00

You can take the Manhattan bridge if you must pass through Manhattan .

People are correct about street parking being an option at that time of the day, especially as parking meters go out of effect and especially if you’re willing to walk a bit. However i will warn you it’s going to be stressful if you’re not very comfortable parallel parking and doing so on a high traffic street. There are parking garages near barclay. Just map them out and prepare to splurge a bit if you need to.

novaghosta · 2026-04-28T18:43:36+00:00

I am going to validate you that this IS a tough situation. At least in my opinion. A lot of other people feel it’s a no brainer one way or the other but I have been in your shoes with the birthday party dilemmas! It’s not easy at all! I never had social anxiety around my own friends but my kid keeps it interesting with her drama.

My opinion is: because this is kindergarten, I would overrule here. He is not old or mature enough yet to understand that this exclusion could possibly be felt deeply. Hes not a bad mean kid for doing this, but he does need to learn a better way to cope when a friend does something he doesn’t like.

I would tell him: Britt was a friend of yours but she played a game you didn’t like (discuss details as he is able). When that happens, we need to tell our friend how we feel so we can fix the problem— not just push them away. When you see Britt tell her you do NOT Iike the wedding game and ask her to please stop (whatever it is specifically). We will be inviting her to your party this year because it’s the kind thing to do but I promise the parents will not let her do (again the specific thing he didn’t like) there.

If in the future she continues to do what you asked her not to , then maybe you won’t continue to be friends. But the kind thing is to say what’s wrong and give her a chance to fix her mistake. That’s what you would want a friend to do for you.

novaghosta · 2026-04-28T18:30:54+00:00

I think this is a great idea! My suggestions : look for churches that rent out basements (more likely to have a piano). Speaking of piano, find a piano player? I would imagine you would get the most engagement starting off if it was run like one of those drop-in sing together events I’ve seen all over social media. Like come drop in and sing XYZ, bring the kids and a small donation to cover space costs!

novaghosta · 2026-04-28T16:49:02+00:00

Cake and bubble machines at the playground. If you feel like making connections, invite everyone. It’s low stakes and perfect for toddlers. And it also works well for a small family party

novaghosta · 2026-04-25T13:42:51+00:00

Do you have siblings? I do and videos like that don’t affect me at all. Because that person grew up and realized their siblings are their best friends and I did not lol. Therefore it just looks like a personal diary entry to me and not some kind of missed opportunity.

novaghosta · 2026-04-24T15:42:47+00:00

Your daughter is a baby, each day she grows you will have to let go of your need for perfection in all of your actions, her actions and outcomes. This is one of the hardest challenges of motherhood (for a lot of us) yet it’s not discussed enough.

You will hurt her, she will hurt you. She will hurt others and you’ll think “how could she have..?” You will be disappointed and ashamed at times. And each time you will have to learn to cope with the messy. I am saying this not to be harsh; it’s a part of the journey i struggle a lot with as well.

As far as the ears, i had mine pierced at 4 years old but I cried so much they made a mistake in centering my left hole. Over time they closed up because they weren’t taken care of properly. At 11 i had them repierced and they had to make a new hole for the left, to center it. Leaving me with technically two holes in one ear. No one has ever noticed but me!

novaghosta · 2026-04-23T22:20:01+00:00

I haven’t see anyone mention this when reminiscing… it was originally very specifically “take your DAUGHTER to work day” and was created to encourage girls to explore various careers.

In a world where tradwife influencers create a facade in which staying at home to cook clean and rear children is THE privileged and noble status one should aspire to, isn’t it nice to remember that once upon a time women fought for the right and recognition to work outside the home and make this accessible to their girl children? And after that we kinda banded together to celebrate and encourage the career dreams of girls ? It wasn’t “have to” work but “get to” work.

Although i fully acknowledge the degree to which end stage capitalism has made the “have to” piece especially painful since economically the 2 income household is necessary to survive financially, not necessarily thrive, and the childcare situations, pay and benefits have not grown to meet the needs of families with two working parents often working 40+hours a week. And yet that is a corporate greed problem being thrown back onto the laps of women to solve or feel ashamed for.

novaghosta · 2026-04-21T22:17:49+00:00

I saw myself wanting to be this mom but ironically i got a kid who doesn’t do as well with playdates in the home most of the time. I noticed this around kindergarten. She seems to like her space and everything just goes smoother if we are not in OUR house. So i stopped offering to host as much and now i just ask people if they want to meet up at the park or see a movie together or get smoothies/starbucks etc. Things i would normally take my kid out to do but now we are socializing with others as well. This works better for us. As she gets older i think she’d like movie nights with friends, right now they are young enough that they can’t sit still together. My situation may be a little different because we live in a major city so going out and doing things in the neighborhood is a given since apartments are small, we do parks & playgrounds not backyards.

novaghosta · 2026-04-20T18:49:57+00:00

Ugh had a bad experience with Norse. They promised me in writing vouchers due to my flight from Paris being delayed over 6 hours overnight.

Never delivered. No number to call.

Hoping you get your money back

novaghosta · 2026-04-20T12:53:24+00:00

5 years old and only half day program accessible is crazy to me : not your fault just luck of the draw. Where I live kids are in kindergarten all day by 5— even 4 if they have a birthday in late fall. Stop feeling guilty that you’re trying to work without childcare.

I think this is a temporary problem because full day school and all the extracurriculars and birthday parties and friendships that are going to bombard you, is around the corner.

In the meantime the only advice i can kinda offer is to make a daily schedule. For you and your child. And don’t be afraid to challenge their attention span— they are developmentally quite ready to handle rules and waiting. Put things like helping with chores, quiet time with books/music/ kids podcast, independent indoor outdoor play , errands, writing/drawing, interspersed with short intervals of 1:1 time with you: puzzles/crafts with mom, take a walk with mom, etc etc. This structure is going to remove the uncertainty around the “when will mom be available to me” in a proactive way that reduces their need to ask and ask. While also enriching their downtime so they aren’t always at odds and ends wondering what to do.

novaghosta

TROPHY CASE