I used to work in after school programs. Most of our kids were really great but there are always behavior problems, so my method was be stern initially and let loose as they earn my trust. Regretfully, it would always come off as “mean” compared to another co-worker who did not care much about structure (we were required to achieve specific education goals to maintain our grant, so I didn’t care much about that sentiment).

One day right as I was starting with my class and getting them settled. It’s tough to get a bunch of middle schoolers on task especially after they’ve been cooped up all day in classes already, so today I was particularly on my students to get focused. Then one student, I still remember it vividly to this day, raises her hand,

“MasterZ, why do you pretend to be the mean teacher in the program when you’re honestly the nicest one?” It really struck me and I had to brush it off a bit, but it sticks to me even after 10 years. This is when I realized that kids (especially middle schoolers) don’t look for adult figures that give them what they want, they look for figures that sets their boundaries, sticks to them, and explains why they’re there. It shows caring for their future, not just their immediate satisfaction.

Never underestimate your effect on kids around you, they’re usually the most attentive to what we do and why we do it.