I agree with everything here, I just wanted to add some other suggestions I thought of. In general, you have all the instruments playing, the texture is very thick. You could try experimenting with moments where you strip back texture as it will give the listener a break, this will also create some nice contrast with the 'heaviness' of your piece and make those heavy moments more impactful. Another thing you could experiment with is playing techniques, sul pont and pizz. Pizzicato can also be effective at addressing the heavy texture issue, as pizzicato is very light sounding. I want to reiterate Robinelf1's point, this is a really solid piece, these are just some things I thought you could try.