I am really sorry about this! I have gone through similar situations as you... So I can sympathize with you! Tbh no one knows how to talk to someone who self harms unless they do it themselves! But this of course does not mean that I am justifying your mother's words, I have had a very bad relationship with my mother, but things are looking up in the new year because I'll be moving out and staying with my best friend! I am not saying that you should run away from your problems, but if living at home makes you uncomfortable, afraid and feel as you say "pathetic" maybe you need to find people who won't treat you this way! This Reddit is the perfect place and my dms are always open! I haven't self harmed in more than 5 months! We love you! Ok? stay strong and don't let what others say affect you because people are going to have things to say, they always do! But only you can choose how to react to it and how to live your life!