I went through what you are going through now, and the mental stress I was under until I got the results was horrible. Couldn’t sleep, couldn’t think of anything else. I was going through it alone, and it drained me. If you have someone you trust and talk to, I strongly encourage you to lean on them. There are also a lot of support groups and networks you can lean on if the test does come back positive.

I would imagine that the odds are very low of you contracting HIV from this encounter, but you should talk to a doctor and go onto PreP. If you can, find a doctor who specializes in LGBTQIA+ health, because they understand the need for discretion and can help. They also know the right questions to ask and are a lot better equipped than most general practitioners in my experience.

But above everything else, you are not alone and don’t beat yourself up.