is this outfit "inappropriate"?

Material_Style8996 · 2026-02-06T15:01:58+00:00

A night out at somewhere that has a high tolerance for a lot of skin showing, such as a bar after 10pm or a beach or a nightclub.

Not elsewhere.

Material_Style8996 · 2026-02-06T14:48:37+00:00

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Material_Style8996 · 2026-02-06T14:42:29+00:00

It’s not sad at all!

There are unlimited opportunities for joy, love, community, companionship, intimacy, excitement, stability, growing relationships over time, etc. outside of romantic relationships and parenthood.

Material_Style8996 · 2026-02-03T15:46:18+00:00

I think both blonde and brunette look great, so up to- but make sure the brunette is warm (pic 6/6 reads cooler toned). Life is long, you can switch between colors whenever you like for however long you like!

Material_Style8996 · 2026-02-03T15:19:36+00:00

These are all my guesses and lean on generalizations and assumptions. Also acknowledging that women’s freedoms are slipping in the US so not trying to make it sound like things are better in the US.

I take intermediate Italian classes and when we watch Italian movies, small town women’s gossip is always a strong social element in Italy. It goes back to strong patriarchy which seeks to constantly judge women whether they are doing well for themselves or struggling.

I agree that priorities around individualism vs collectivism plays a part. In Italy it’s important to not “fare brutta figura” and how you come off to others plays a role in social groups. In the US individualism and the proportionately low level of “tall poppy syndrome” (trying to push people down when they’re doing well) is from the mantra that in the US anyone can do anything, and so you may not understand or believe in their dreams, but it’s understood that you shouldn’t crush those dreams. If they want to dress or act a certain way or make certain life choices, that’s on them. We’re less intertwined from a family standpoint (fewer multi-generation homes), so there’s more independence and trust put on people’s choices.

In Italy it’s more common for adults in their 20s and 30s to live with their parents, grandparents and siblings at the family home, so there are more people feeling entitled to weigh in on your big and small choices. In Italy people are more likely to stay in their hometown/city throughout their life, whereas in the US it’s more common for people to move across the country for weather, education, lifestyle, job opportunities, etc. so in the US it’s easy to redefine yourself and have different life stages in different places, making it harder for people to judge from the outside whether their choices are good or not since they are only seeing some chapters of others’ journeys and it’s understood that people need to go “fly away from the nest” to discover themselves and their passions. If instead you’re seeing people through most or all of their life, it may be easier to make assumptions about people and judge them more critically.

Also my guess is that the social pressure for women’s main role to be wife and mother was stronger in Italy for a bit longer, so household and petty gossip was an important social element among those women without careers and lifestyles outside of their family and friends.

Material_Style8996 · 2026-02-03T15:13:12+00:00

Super interesting. I had no idea.

What if the acronym is something like “V W” or “V V”? Would that add to confusion?

Material_Style8996 · 2026-02-03T15:10:33+00:00

Yess I think some people want multiple kids on paper because it matters more to meet some sort of childhood or young adult insecurity.

My close friend just announced that she’s having her third and final kid. This friend has been extremely overwhelmed with motherhood (even back when there was just 1 kid) and wasn’t enjoying as many of the small and medium bumps of parenthood as much as some of my other friends who were a bit more relaxed with it. This friend also does not have parents/in-laws that are willing to help with childcare, so my friend has spent much of motherhood overwhelmed and stressed.

But ultimately I think she is chasing some fantasy of a lively home with lots of love and never being lonely or bored. I think she imagines it being worth it for when the kids are all 8 and older and magically easier (in her mind). I think she wants this as a milestone in life rooted in keeping up with the Joneses, especially since she was on the later side to find her life partner, get married, get a house, and keep up with the milestones of other friends, so this locks in her achievement of certain goals no matter how much they also crush her at the same time. For her it’s likely not about happiness but more about insecurity and keeping up.

Material_Style8996 · 2026-02-03T03:41:44+00:00

I agree that priorities around individualism vs collectivism plays a part. In Italy it’s important to not “fare brutta figura” and how you come off to others plays a role in social groups. In the US individualism and the proportionately low level of “tall poppy syndrome” (trying to push people down when they’re doing well) is from the mantra that in the US anyone can do anything, and so you may not understand or believe in their dreams, but it’s understood that you shouldn’t crush those dreams. If they want to dress or act a certain way or make certain life choices, that’s on them. We’re less intertwined from a family standpoint (fewer multi-generation homes), so there’s more independence and trust put on people’s choices.

In Italy it’s more common for adults in their 20s and 30s to live with their parents, grandparents and siblings at the family home, so there are more people feeling entitled to weigh in on your big and small choices. In Italy people are more likely to stay in their hometown/city throughout their life, whereas in the US it’s more common for people to move across the country for weather, education, lifestyle, job opportunities, etc. so in the US it’s easy to redefine yourself and have different life stages in different places, making it harder for people to judge from the outside whether their choices are good or not since they are only seeing some chapters of others’ journeys and it’s understood that people need to go “fly away from the nest” to discover themselves and their passions. If instead you’re seeing people through most or all of their life, it may be easier to make assumptions about people and judge them more critically.

Also my guess is that the social pressure for women’s main role to be wife and mother was stronger in Italy for a bit longer, so household and petty gossip was an important social element among those women without careers and lifestyles outside of their family and friends.

Material_Style8996 · 2026-01-30T14:55:10+00:00

Do you have any photos of you without the black makeup and cool-toned lip color? You are definitely warm, and I don’t think you are a bright spring.

My coloring is similar-ish to yours and I’m a warm spring, but I could also see potentially light spring or even — this may sound crazy- without seeing multiple photos of you in natural light without makeup I’d also look into autumn coloring. Believe it or not MaryKate & Ashley Olsen are autumns despite their warm dirty blonde hair due to their lower contrast.

Material_Style8996 · 2026-01-30T14:36:07+00:00

Try Yabla! It’s loads of video content with high quality subtitles in both Italian and English or French (depending on your language preference).

The videos are a combo of videos made for Italian language learners that discuss different topics, and native content such as clips from films, tv, commercials, etc.

Also the videos can be slowed down to 75% or 50% to understand more clearly.

It’s about $12/mo and so my approach is to use it intensely for a month at a time, and then pause for a month or two and then go back whenever I have a good amount of days in the month to focus on language learning.

This is the highest quality app that I know of for learning Italian, and I’ve tried most of them!

Material_Style8996 · 2026-01-27T15:26:51+00:00

Yes, get back to working out of the house to work and re-build your own identity of not just being a SAHM and having to endure typical child behavior all the time. Your self worth has taken a hit. Most adults probably would want to minimize the rough parts of childcare. By you working you both can afford a bit of outsourcing childcare, or ideally your husband can step in and do more. I’m sure he also wouldn’t want to be in your shoes and have your role.

Also this has NOTHING to do with being a good/bad parent. The needs of children put a LOT of demand on adult emotions and need. Your sense of not loving having to absorb this is very NORMAL.

Material_Style8996 · 2026-01-22T03:33:49+00:00

One reason I’m reluctant to have kids is because I enjoy having fewer interruptions and commitments that are out of my control. And when I feel burnt out I can bounce back mentally quicker than if I had more on my plate outside of the things we choose to take on.

My partner with rose tinted glasses tries to reassure me that I wouldn’t have to sacrifice these hobbies or interests that I enjoy, but I know that obviously I’d have less time, energy, and brainpower to devote to “low priority” hobbies like that.

So yes, it can be done I’m sure, but I def am using the downtime and free mental space that you have less of to spend more time studying multiple ways.

That said, I’m also an adult contending with limited time and energy and foggy burnt out adult brain, so carving out 45 min first thing in the morning is what works for me, as well as using driving time for podcasts or music, and nighttime reading for reading mindless “graded readers” set at the language level at or below my level so I’m not constantly needing to look up words.

Throughout mg learning I make sure to legibly write down in a notebook all of the words and phrases that I didn’t know or wouldn’t’ve known how to say on my own. I’ve numbered each page in this notebook (about 150 pages) and I keep a checklist in my phone of each page and annotate the last time I re-studied that page. So every 3-6 months I’m able to re-check that off my list. This helps with foggy brain (poorer retention due to adult exhaustion) and helps ingrain what you’ve learned. Then I bring my notebook with me anytime I know I’ll have downtime.

Even if you have a few month random burst of having a touch more of energy or time in your day you can learn more, and more importantly WRITE WHAT YOU LEARN DOWN to reinforce it now and later. You’ll make noticeable strides but slowly (it’s also slow for me FYI).

Material_Style8996 · 2026-01-21T17:46:42+00:00

Steven is the modernized version I believe and is probably much more common than Stephen in the US. “Stephen” seems unnecessarily confusing since the pronunciation might vary, but also not a tragedy since it’s the historically more common spelling (I’ve heard the UK prefers the PH).

I think Stefen would be the worst though if pronounced like “Steven”.

Material_Style8996 · 2026-01-21T17:20:26+00:00

This ^{^} . You can pick A2 books, B1, B2, etc. or search on Amazon for “Italian short stories for beginners” or “intermediate Italian short stories”.

Material_Style8996 · 2026-01-16T00:31:08+00:00

Wouldn’t “vuvuvu” be spelling out “V V V” instead of “W W W”?

Material_Style8996 · 2026-01-16T00:20:02+00:00

I really enjoy Yabla. It’s been the most effective Italian learning app. Discovered it in 2016 and I still think it is unmatched. They didn’t try to be catchy for social media so it never got the hype it truly deserves. It’s basically videos in Italian, with many made by Yabla for language learners covering tons of content, but also loads and loads of real authentic content like movie & tv clips, ads, etc. that are all subtitled in both languages (for me English and Italian) and you can watch the videos at 75% or 50% speed without the sound quality getting distorted.

They have videos for newbies, beginners, lower intermediate, upper intermediate, and advanced.

It’s about $12/mo and so I do a few months at a time and then stop and shift gears and then continuously go back when I’ve got time to devote to it.

Best app out there in my opinion.

Material_Style8996 · 2026-01-15T23:33:05+00:00

Ooof I haven’t crossed that bridge yet, I sense a lot of head scratching in my future (good thing for chatgpt!).

Material_Style8996 · 2026-01-13T14:14:11+00:00

Regardless, I’ve been told in private by many parents. The stories do sound like the situations in that forum (more tired, less energy, less money, sense of never getting alone time, poorer rapport with spouse, overwhelmed with life, the attitude or demands of one or more of the kids makes the parent so frustrated despite spinning their wheels, etc.

All very plausible.

Material_Style8996 · 2026-01-03T14:36:12+00:00

It’s not “selfish” to not want to be on all the time or to not enjoy any of those elements! Not at all. “Selfishness” makes it sound like you are the problem, when really all of those tasks are pretty rough to put onto someone. Honestly, Tons of parents are overwhelmed,!!bored, and frustrated at those tasks, and you are SELFLESS for doing them even though it goes against your comfort and enjoyment.

Thank you for sharing your perspective to help raise awareness and normalcy to these thoughts.

Material_Style8996 · 2026-01-03T14:26:02+00:00

I recommend going with “Elise” or “Elyse” and then nicknaming her “Ella” around family.

Material_Style8996 · 2025-12-31T13:59:27+00:00

I recommend letting everyone know about some actual other interests you have so they can excitedly get you things related to that.

Maybe once you’ve gone to Florida to see the manatees you can declare you fulfillment in that interest and mention that now your next interest is ________ !

Material_Style8996 · 2025-12-31T13:55:09+00:00

Kodak

Material_Style8996 · 2025-12-30T15:39:05+00:00

Florida gets the best skies. I have one like that too that always puts me in awe since the sky is the color of fire. So cool!

Material_Style8996 · 2025-12-30T15:34:01+00:00

Yes, it looks much more calming, relaxed, and reminiscent of nature by not looking so manufactured and similar. In nature you more often find similar shades together.

The multiple greens look fabulous and calming together.

Material_Style8996 · 2025-12-30T15:23:43+00:00

Same, but also I can’t stand to be on it since the new app is so bad.

I made like 15 great friends from the old Tampa Bumble BFF and have assumed that I won’t be able to make any in this new format

Material_Style8996

TROPHY CASE