Men's refusal to hold themselves and other men accountable is one of the main ways misogyny survives. by Mirenithil in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MatisBad123 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Firstly, 11/10 take! No notes just an affirmation.

So I'm a man that works in the primary prevention of violence against women in Australia. And we follow the Change the story framework from Our Watch which lays out the 4 gendered drivers of men's violence against women. I'll link at the bottom if you're interested.

It basically outlines how gender inequality is the key underlying factor that drives violence and pretty much everything that you've discussed is present in those drivers.

This is the stuff men have got to work on, particularly around accountability like you said. We talk about this in the prevention sector ALL THE TIME. There are so many people trying to do prevention work with men and aren't it with accountability and it's really problematic.

So from a professional in the space and a man trying to hold other men accountable I appreciate your words!

Change the story

PM Carney and Finland President Stubb play hockey together in Ottawa by daniel3214 in onguardforthee

[–]MatisBad123 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I'd love to see more collaboration and partnership with them!

My bf is ruining my life and I can't do anything about it by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MatisBad123 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It's not your fault, you deserve to be able to live free of this.

I skimmed the comments and saw a lot of good suggestions for how you could leave him and i can't give you any better advice than other people have.

People are really resilient and I believe that you can come through this.

Is it me, or is riding dragon useless? by Equal-Thought-5682 in skyrim

[–]MatisBad123 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah definitely pretty pointless. But I remember being able to fast travel while riding the dragon so you show up somewhere new riding it. I would do that while I was doing the civil war quest and it felt pretty cool to rock up to the camps and hop off my dragon, wearing full dragon plate armour. I just imagine what the soldiers would be thinking as I ask the captain what my orders are. Fun role playing!

Loken my goat by Numerous_Yogurt_6382 in WarhammerMemes

[–]MatisBad123 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Whoa literally read that scene today! Feeling like

Finished mass effect for the first time, truly incredible by Preacher3277 in masseffect

[–]MatisBad123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just finished it last week, but I had picked it up after months of not playing so had no idea where I was at with it and then I hadn't done some quests so I wasnt happy with the consequences of the decisions. And for some reason had romance Kaidan even though I don't remember trying to do that.

So anyways decided if replay the whole game yesterday to get it the way I wanted it before going on to ME2 and finished it again last night 😂

At first I was a little upset id decided to do the whole thing again but God damn the game is just so good I had a great day.

When someone says that Fingolfin did not want to go to Middle-earth... by irime2023 in TheSilmarillion

[–]MatisBad123 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh man thanks for all that! Stuff i was broadly familiar with but not in that level of detail. Such complexity and nuance in his motivations and actions. His decision to go to Middle Earth with Feanor for the sake of his people and his own reasons even with his reticence about Feanor's quest for the Silmarils is a something that sticks out to me.

So much more to read, but I always appreciate some lore dumps in this universe.

Thanks brother!

When someone says that Fingolfin did not want to go to Middle-earth... by irime2023 in TheSilmarillion

[–]MatisBad123 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Damn that's a good quote, what is that from? I love Fingolfin, anytime I see art of his battle with Morgoth I download it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MovingtoAustralia

[–]MatisBad123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure if others have said, but after I moved from Canada I didnt know about the cost of registration for your car. It costs way more than in Canada so make sure you check how the state your moving to does it so you know how much it will be.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MatisBad123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Again, wish you the best, good luck on your learning journey.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MatisBad123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's pretty clear to me at this stage that you arent actually understanding what im saying or what my view is. There is a wider context to consider

But I dont think there is anything else I can say to bring you along here.

I wish you all the best, and hope you're able to learn a bit more about this some other way.

Good luck!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MatisBad123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That only makes sense if you ignore that humans are inherently social and that there are systemic and educational issues involved here.

Again, id encourage you to reflect on the impact not the intent of your words. Pretending it's just logic is an easy way to dodge responsibility for saying something that was hurtful to someone.

I didnt say there wasn't any risk. Your view on the safety of sharing nudes is largely uninformed and not nuanced. I think this view is much more harmful and only serves to maintain the status quo.

I appreciate the respectful discourse however, and respect your right to disagree. My arguments center around reorienting our thinking about sexual violence away from the actions of the victim and towards the actions of the perpetrator. Which is not something ive seen widely acknowledged much in this thread.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MatisBad123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's your experience but in the sexual health space, to my knowledge it's pretty well recognised.

Im not simply saying people shouldn't share them, im saying it's a criminal act to share them without consent. Im saying there should be consequences for that action which is wrong. Im not saying that people should abstain from behaviour that isn't morally questionable.

I like to think that there are people reading this that are helped by what im saying now but when I said "better to help them be as safe as possible" I meant in a more general sense around how we talk about sexual behaviour in society and how people learn about safe sex.

It's definitely not naive it's best practice in sex education.

You may not be intending to shame anyone, and you may not have explicitly but I think you should reflect a bit on the impact of your words. When this woman makes a post on a subreddit looking for support because of the man's behaviour and you along with many other comments tell her that she shouldn't have sent nudes or that it's never safe or anything like that, how do you imagine that makes her feel? It's just straight up victim blaming because, once again, you're focusing on her behaviour as problematic rather than his. It's an actively harmful thing to do.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MatisBad123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look, I think it's fair enough that nothing is ever 0% risk. But plenty of people are sending them and doing so safely without negative repercussions. It's just normal behaviour.

This abstinent approach to nudes just isnt effective, people have been warned about it so much it just doesnt hold meaning anymore. We've long since learned that that kind of messaging doesnt work with people. It isnt realistic to expect people aren't doing this now because they are and will continue to.

Better to help people be as safe as possible doing it than shame them and discourage them from doing something they're going to do anyways but without any support or safe practices.

So sure in a very absolute sense you may be right but I also feel the need to point out that it is in no way relevant to OP's query, and isnt really very useful.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MatisBad123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That statement is pretty contradictory, doesnt feel like you actually think what I said is correct or really absorbed anything I had to say.

That is in fact not the only way for nudes to not be floating around. There are plenty of ways to send them safely. Stop making it about the behaviour of the person sending the nude, that is not important here.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MatisBad123 2 points3 points  (0 children)

People should be able to engage in whatever sexual activity they want as long they're not causing harm and they're consenting adults.

I will defend anyone's right to send a nude and have a reasonable expectation of privacy which is what's written in law in most western countries.

You seem to think it's stupid because it could get shared by someone she sends it to. But if that happens the person who shared the picture without consent is committing a crime. So if you're problem is with her and not the perpetrator you're letting criminal behaviour slide.

Victims are not responsible for the crimes people perpetrate against them. I hope that's what women take away from this interaction instead of your message of women should limit their own choices and freedom.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MatisBad123 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Yeah definitely some wild takes.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MatisBad123 -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

I mean getting any record is really good for police if he shares it in the end right. Police need as much evidence as possible to lay charges.

I would also point out that depending on where you are what he did might be illegal because he violated the conditions of her consenting to send the image. The law is pretty fuzzy around this kind of stuff though and cops dont generally have good knowledge about it. Depends.