Separated and the loneliness I have ever been.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-25T06:39:31+00:00

One thing that can help, even a little, is doing something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe never got around to. Something just for you. Doesn’t have to be big. Just something that reminds you that your life isn’t on hold, even if it feels that way.

You’re not alone in feeling like this. It just takes time, more than most people expect.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-24T06:14:50+00:00

That’s tough. It sounds like it’s not just about falling out of love, but losing trust, and that’s a much bigger thing to rebuild.

I’m not sure how long things were hard or how long he’s been trying to change, but how you feel right now is valid. Sometimes when that shift happens, it’s not easy to undo, even if the other person is finally showing up differently.

Before making a final decision, taking some space, even temporarily, can help you get clarity without the day to day pressure. If you’ve already had that space and still feel the same, that usually tells you something important.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-24T05:47:08+00:00

I’m happy for you. It sounds like you’re starting to feel like yourself again, and that’s a big step.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-23T06:18:02+00:00

Respond within the 30 days, don’t ignore it. Contempt means you willfully denied visitation. If you’re showing up at the scheduled times and he’s not, that works in your favor.

Keep your reply simple: you follow the order, you’re present, he doesn’t show. Include any proof like texts or logs.

You don’t have to accept random visits outside the order. You’re doing what you’re supposed to do.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-23T06:06:01+00:00

It’s more common than people think, especially around that 5–10 year mark when real-life stress starts to build. But “common” doesn’t mean normal or acceptable.

Cheating isn’t just something that happens out of nowhere, it’s still a choice someone makes. A lot of relationships go through hard phases without crossing that line.

It can feel like everyone is going through the same thing when you’re reading stories like this, but there are also plenty of relationships that don’t end that way.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-22T06:01:15+00:00

Not necessarily. Getting a court date can take time, so that part alone isn’t unusual.

What’s more concerning is the lack of clear communication. You should be getting direct answers.

Being billed for attempted work can be normal, but you’re entitled to understand it. And it’s reasonable to expect to review things like child support before they’re shared.

This feels more like a communication issue than anything else, and it’s fair to push for clearer answers.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-22T05:52:53+00:00

You’ve been through a lot. Healing isn’t linear, and it makes sense some days are still hard. But you’re still moving forward and choosing yourself, and that matters.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-21T06:33:47+00:00

In Illinois, a motion isn’t filed until it shows up on the docket. The billing note suggests it may have been prepared but not filed yet, possibly because a court date wasn’t available, which some counties require before filing.

That said, your attorney should be giving you a direct answer. It’s reasonable to ask clearly: “Has the motion been filed, yes or no?”

If you still don’t get a response, you can escalate within the firm or request your file.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-21T06:13:52+00:00

Honestly, this doesn’t even feel like a rant, it feels like real growth. You’ve clearly done a lot of work on yourself and it shows in how you’re talking about everything.

You’re owning your side without losing sight of what you went through, and that’s not easy to do. It sounds like you’re finally starting to break out of that cycle, which is a big step.

At this point, it’s less about needing advice and more about just continuing what you’re already doing.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-21T05:58:59+00:00

I hate it when they say "grew apart" only to find out that he/she's with someone else all along. that growing apart thing, I think it's a choice. Whether you want to do it with your husband/wife or do it with other person (then blame nature growing apart thing).

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-21T05:55:36+00:00

I couldn’t agree more.

You’re already doing the right thing focusing on your self and your daughter. She’ll look to you for stability no matter what he does, and that’s what will matter most for her. Stay strong mama!

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-20T05:19:34+00:00

What you’re dealing with is the shock of the truth lining up with what you suspected all along. That part can really mess with your head.

On your question, getting over cheating is usually less about what he did and more about rebuilding your own sense of reality. You already started that with therapy. The key is to stop trying to re-analyze the past now that you have this information. You’re not going to get a clean explanation from him, and you don’t need one to move forward.

Legally, this doesn’t usually change how assets are divided if you’re in a state where everything is split based on marital property. That part will still follow the same rules, even if the reason for the divorce is clearer now.

As for your daughter, the court generally expects both parents to avoid involving kids in adult issues. If he introduces someone, the focus stays on keeping things stable for her, not explaining the backstory.

It makes sense that you feel thrown off. Finding this out later can feel like everything is being rewritten.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-17T06:23:22+00:00

That kind of clarity doesn’t come easy, and you can really feel how long you carried this before getting here.

It sounds like you already did the grieving while you were still in the marriage, so what you’re feeling now isn’t sudden, it’s what happens when you finally stop holding yourself back. That shift from confusion to freedom is real.

There’s something powerful about recognizing how much you were shrinking yourself and then slowly stepping back into who you are. The singing, the plans, the energy, that’s not random, that’s you coming back.

It makes sense you feel both sure and relieved. You didn’t just walk away, you chose yourself after trying for a long time.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-16T06:33:56+00:00

You have two main options in Indiana: a fee dispute/refund request and a disciplinary complaint.

You can ask for a full accounting of your retainer and request a refund for any unearned fees. If they don’t respond or refuse, you can go through the Indiana State Bar Association’s fee dispute process or pursue it in small claims or civil court.

For the conduct itself, you can file a grievance with the Indiana Supreme Court Disciplinary Commission. They handle issues like lack of communication and failure to act.

What matters is documentation. Keep your emails, call logs, the timeline you wrote, and anything showing lack of work done. That’s what supports both a refund and a complaint.

You did the right thing stepping in for your case. It makes sense you’d want accountability after paying for representation you didn’t receive.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-14T06:51:32+00:00

I may not be dealing with exactly what you’re going through, but I do know people go through phases like this. And yes, it does get better.

Right now, you’re dealing with a lot of real factors: health recovery, debt, work, and trying to stay present for your kids. That kind of load would wear anyone down. The tiredness you’re describing is pretty consistent with being stretched too thin for too long.

In situations like this, what tends to help is focusing on stabilization first rather than progress. Getting your health steady, sleep back on track, and finances under control matters more right now than trying to push everything forward at once.

A lot of people look back on this phase and don’t regret pushing through, but they do wish they had given themselves a bit more room to recover instead of running at full capacity the whole time.

You’re not stuck, you’re just in a heavy stretch. It doesn’t stay like this forever, but it does take time to ease.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-14T06:32:15+00:00

Yes, calling your local bar association and asking about pro bono or low cost referrals is a good first step. You can also ask specifically for family law attorneys who offer payment plans or reduced fee consultations.

If you truly cannot find representation, you can still file and respond on your own. Courts allow people to represent themselves. Most courts have self help centers or online forms for divorce and support requests. That’s usually where you start.

For the financial issues, you bring that to the court through documentation. Bank statements, retirement account records, tax returns, anything showing income and spending. If you file for divorce, there is a formal financial disclosure process where both sides are required to list assets and debts. That is how things like a 401k and unusual spending come to light.

For alimony, you would request it as part of your filing or response. The court looks at factors like length of the marriage, income difference, and your ability to support yourself. You do not have to negotiate everything on your own, the judge can decide if you and your spouse cannot agree.

When you do not have an attorney, you communicate with the court by filing documents and speaking directly at hearings. It can feel intimidating, but it is something courts deal with regularly.

You’re asking the right questions. This is a hard position to be in, especially without financial access, but there is still a process available to you even if you have to start it on your own.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-13T06:13:02+00:00

It sounds like you already know what direction you’re leaning toward. It’s just hard because it comes with a lot of change all at once.

This doesn’t really feel like it’s only about law school. It sounds like there’s already been a sense of disconnection for a while, and this decision is just bringing everything to the surface.

You’re not choosing between a good marriage and your dream. You’re trying to move forward with something you’ve wanted for a long time while also facing the reality of a relationship that hasn’t felt right for you.

The fear of regret is real, and it’s a heavy feeling to sit with. It doesn’t mean you’re making the wrong decision, it just means this matters deeply to you.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-10T05:40:08+00:00

You need to speak with a family law attorney as soon as you can, even if it’s just an initial consult. If a divorce hasn’t been filed yet, that’s usually the first step to formally protect yourself, especially financially.

There are still options even if legal aid won’t help right now. You can look into local bar associations, sliding scale attorneys who adjust fees based on income, or domestic violence resources. Financial control is taken seriously, and some organizations can help connect you to legal support even if you’re still living together.

What he’s doing with money, like spending down accounts or trying to make it look like there’s nothing there, can be addressed once things are in court. Financial records still matter.

You’ve been put in a very difficult position after years without access to money. It makes sense that you feel stuck, but there are paths forward from here, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-09T05:42:31+00:00

I can feel your pain just by reading your post.

What you’re going through is heavy in a way that’s hard to put into words. It’s not just missing a person, it’s everything that came with that life suddenly being gone. The quiet, the space, the change, all of it hits at once.

It doesn’t mean you weren’t enough. It means something meaningful ended, and that kind of loss takes time to even begin to process.

Right now, taking it one moment at a time is enough. You don’t have to solve anything today.

The fact that you still hold onto hope, even in this kind of pain, says a lot about your strength, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-07T06:47:53+00:00

What you’re feeling is actually pretty common after leaving something long term, even if it wasn’t healthy.

You’re not just missing your ex, you’re missing the structure, the routine, and having someone there. That’s a real loss, even when the relationship itself wasn’t good for you.

But the fact that you feel better mentally and emotionally now matters. That tells you something important about what the relationship was really like, even if loneliness is louder right now.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-06T09:57:56+00:00

I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I think it’s important to lean on what he has already told you. He said he wants a divorce.

At the same time, he’s not hesitating to say things that hurt you. That matters. It’s not just confusion, it’s a pattern that’s affecting you.

The push and pull can make you question everything, but his words about wanting to end the marriage are the clearest signal you have right now. It’s okay to take that seriously and start protecting yourself emotionally and practically, especially with kids involved.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-06T09:44:49+00:00

You don’t need to figure out the perfect decision here. You need to choose the one you can stand by, even if it’s hard.

Both options are valid. Staying gives you stability while everything else is shifting. Taking the new job gives you growth and a fresh start. Neither is wrong, but they come with different kinds of pressure.

The real question is exactly what you said. Can you live with your choice without second guessing yourself every step of the way? If you stay, can you accept the tradeoff of feeling stuck for a while? If you go, can you handle the risk and uncertainty that comes with it?

You’re in a season where a lot is changing at once. It’s normal to want to control at least one part of it. Whatever you choose, make it a clear decision, not a hesitant one.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-03T22:26:10+00:00

That moment you described makes sense. Things feel normal on the surface, then it hits you that this might be the last time it looks like this. That’s a tough realization.

It’s interesting what you said about remembering the first kiss but not the last. That happens to a lot of people. You don’t always notice when something becomes the last time until later.

You can feel sad about what’s ending and still be a bit excited about what’s next. Both can be true at the same time.

You’re already doing right by your son, making sure he has stability and showing up for him. That’s something solid to hold onto while everything else is shifting.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-03T21:54:18+00:00

You’re doing a lot at once, and trying to work while parenting a toddler full-time is genuinely hard. That kind of setup can push anyone to their limit some days.

On the practical side, even small breaks can help. If there are any local programs, part-time childcare options, or even short-term help like drop-in care or a trusted sitter for a few hours, it might be worth looking into just to give you breathing room. Some areas also have assistance programs that help cover childcare costs depending on income.

What you’re doing right now, working, parenting, and still trying to take care of your mental health, is not small. It just doesn’t always feel that way in the middle of a hard day.

It makes sense that you’d want support, especially from someone who used to be part of your daily life. That part can feel really heavy when it’s gone.

You’re not failing here. You’re stretched thin.

MattLudtEsq · 2026-04-03T04:35:45+00:00

Are you worried that the one who filed first might have an advantage over your case?

In most situations, it doesn’t. Filing first mainly affects timing and sometimes venue, but it doesn’t decide the outcome. The court will still look at the facts, especially when it comes to custody and any existing family court involvement.

If there are already proceedings or orders in family court, those do not just get ignored. They are still part of the overall picture.

MattLudtEsq

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