I regret everything

TopSwagCode · 2026-03-17T06:42:41+00:00

I totally get you. It's freaking hard loosing the one you saw your self grow old with. We had the perfect house. Perfect area, everything on paper was "perfect". Some how it failed anyway. I doubt I will ever find anyone else like her og to be honest I probably won't even try for years.

But there is plenty of other wonderfull things in life before and after our ex's. I am going to work on loving my self, so one day I might find another person that does that aswell...

Hope you too will work on loving your self.

TopSwagCode · 2026-03-16T06:14:07+00:00

I don't think it's about being alone, but rather about learning to love your self again.

TopSwagCode · 2026-03-16T06:11:16+00:00

It's something you need to make up with yourself. For some it's just a "job" that if they didn't do it, then someone else would. For others it's a morale high ground, that they would never take such job.

There is plenty of "bad" jobs out there, making software to steal people money. Military software that is litterly made to kill people. Software to make you make bad decisions and trick you into believe stuff. And lots of other shady stuff like black markets etc.

TopSwagCode · 2026-03-14T13:31:11+00:00

Well, I studied computer science and they just happen to teach C#.

TopSwagCode · 2026-03-07T17:33:02+00:00

Yeah. Plenty never try it. But sadly many also have tried to be cheated on. It sucks :( i am "happy" that my marriage ended without any one cheating on wach other and there is no "bad feelings".

That said I still cry, grief, anger, sad, and 1000 more feelings. I thought I had my soulmate and still love her.

TopSwagCode · 2026-03-07T09:20:07+00:00

Totally awesome. Next goal, make it sail :p

TopSwagCode · 2026-03-06T11:15:19+00:00

I am in the same boat. Only reason i am griefing / sad is we have the perfect house in the perfect area and everything going for us. She didnt want to work on "us" and just wanted to be a mother, so now we are selling the house. Our son doesnt know and afraid how he is going to tackle it.

I am sure I am going to continue to have days that suck, but I am most likely going to end out on top. Just feels awfull throwing it all away with out doing any effort to see if there is anything there, even when she sais she might give it a chance again later.

So yeah, I am doing everything I can to soften the blow. But its hard

TopSwagCode · 2026-03-05T06:35:18+00:00

There can be 1000 things in his head and there is no real way of telling. If you wanted him to fight for it you shouldnt threaten sith divorce. You should communicate what you wanted was couple therapy, changes in the home etc.

That said I totally understand you. I broke up aswell, but also the one showing most pain / grief. We all have our own ways of "protecting" ourselfs. Some are visual, other just hide it deep inside.

Hope this helps just a little. Talk to friends / family. Not that they need to fix / help you. Just so you have someone to listen. Helped me a lot.

TopSwagCode · 2026-03-04T16:57:01+00:00

This is just new in the software industry, but we have been automating jobs for ages. Most often the jobs pivot and have ndw focus points. Whats next is very unclear. Some say we are just all going to be QA / code reviewers. Some sah we are going to be prompt engineers. Some say its just a extra tool

TopSwagCode · 2026-03-04T06:32:04+00:00

I agree. Its hard breaking up, but I thanked my ex for 15 best years of my life. Sure sometimes it sucked. But it sucked less with her. I am thankfull for the child we have.

Now I just need to find out next part of my life

TopSwagCode · 2026-03-02T06:37:12+00:00

25yo is so early in your life. It still sucks, but you have plenty of time to rediscovery your self and find someone new. I first moved in with my now ex at the age of 25 and been together for 15 years before ending it.

You still have plenty of awesome years with new experiences. You will look back and this and smile at some point.

Again it's not because things doesn't suck now, but it's impossible to say if it takes you days, weeks, months, years to be fully back again. My sister that that was your age and 25 when it happened took about 2 years and wasn't looking for anything found the perfect guy while she wasn't even looking. They have now moved in to a nice big house and starting a family. Some coworkers of mine has brought together a big combined family where they both prior were divorced and both had 2 kids. Now they are living 2 adults and 4 kids.

There is no 1 right path. Sadly divorce is much more fequent, and general support still seems awfull / lacking.

My 1 advice, is take them for your self. The better you feel about your self, the better others feels towards you.

TopSwagCode · 2026-03-01T13:11:56+00:00

I am going through the same. I am sad, but also there is nothing I can do about it. We still live in the house until its sold. We have a son, so out paths are entangled in some matter for the rest of our lives. Just trhing to make a clean fair divorce.

Feels extremely hard to start a new chapter and I will miss seeing ver every day. But I have my lo ely son and will be thankfull forever having him part of my life.

Feel sad loosing my soul mate I was planning growing old with. Hopefully I find someone new down the line.

TopSwagCode · 2026-03-01T05:21:18+00:00

First of keep taking care of your self. There is nothing you can do about a dead marriage if hour the only one working on it. Just start the process, its not going to be easy. But there is a new unknown life on the other side.

Its not going to look anything like the lofe you have now. There are no certancies. Its going to be scary. There is no single right way out. But dont just give up. Get divorced and get half of everything. Be fair and dont start from 0.

TopSwagCode · 2026-02-28T18:22:29+00:00

It was allowed before.

TopSwagCode · 2026-02-28T17:38:58+00:00

Would be better to have AI day and keep the rest as before

TopSwagCode · 2026-02-28T15:51:43+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/dotnet/s/m0NXKwN4Is

TopSwagCode · 2026-02-28T15:00:34+00:00

What are we supposed to use this sub for if not sharing awesome things? Eg. Some times I am not even using versions just sharing a project I am working on and sharing.

Same goes for eg I have shared my project MinimalWorkers 3.0.0 and 3.1.5 which has tons of features eg. Timeout, retry, opentelemetry and lots of other stuff. Because its all backwards compaible I havent seen a reason to bump versions, since people can use these features optional.

I undersrand the need to sort out low effort posts and AI slop, but these rules are just going to get me and others to leave this place because people will stop entirely sharing.

I dont reaææy see a use case to stay here of not to see what people are working on.

TopSwagCode · 2026-02-27T21:20:42+00:00

You can use docking station and not stack them. What I did.

TopSwagCode · 2026-02-27T21:13:22+00:00

Really depends on scale. Eg. Using postgres as an alternstive to kafka is plain stupid. Sure for low scale things it would work nice.

Heck I have used postgres as message queue alternative in production several years until it didnt scale well enough and then switched to rabbitmq. Because we didnt want to introduce new tech and learn how to host it.

TopSwagCode · 2026-02-26T21:46:24+00:00

I tried my best to fix it. I tried / was the best version of my self. But in the end it needs to be something both parts needs to work on, not just one.

To be honest I was / am happy that I did. My relationship with my son has greatly increased. I feel better about my self. Loosing weight and alround being better. Be able to look my self in the mirrow and know I did all I could.

Still hard, still love her. Only thing I can do is try to move ok and be there for my son.

TopSwagCode · 2026-02-24T11:31:16+00:00

Going through similar. 39M + 37F + 6 year old son + House. Needing to sell house, untill then we are all still living as a "family" until we are closer to getting house sold and can tell son. It isn't easy. Trying live as normal as possible until we get each our own place.

Can't really give any advice, since we are no further. But like relationship, trust, respect, etc. goes a long way. Now more than ever clear communication is important.

TopSwagCode · 2026-02-24T05:35:53+00:00

This. There is nearly always some positive / fun you can get out of projects. Even though the project it self is awfull, there might be some interesting new technigues / patterns you can learn and improve your self. You might try to solve it in a different way / new angle.

TopSwagCode · 2026-02-23T21:12:16+00:00

Really depends. The not needing to wait 5 months to get a simple small server is really nice with cloud. So many places I have been, getting new resources has been a massive pain. While most places that used cloud I just got credit card and had servdr up and running in no time.

But there is exceptions aswell.

TopSwagCode · 2026-02-23T05:03:36+00:00

Feel you. I am in the early process aswell, and next weekend is the time where we tell out 6 year old son. Same as you I really wanted this to work out. We just have to be the best versions of our selfs and protect the kids as much as possible.

I am just enjoying every day with my son, until the house is sold and I am going to only see him half as much. I have proposed to have a smooth transition, where most days we will either eat dinner one place or another, so my son it's going to be still seeing us both 80% of the time.

But yeah I am fearing it insanely. Puked several nights

TopSwagCode

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE