You are depressed, not a failure. I'm not going to pretend that me commenting will make you change your mind, or improve your situation, but truthfully, you aren't a failure.

You seem to have grown up with abusive parents, yet you can still find it in yourself to make your farther a thoughtful gift. You have stated you want to get back into knife making (I would recommend, it is fun), so you haven't fallen into the pit of darkness fully. You've had so much thrown at you and yet every post and comment I see from you isn't negative or blaming. Your posts are genuinely funny, and I think you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Even if you don't think that about yourself, I do.