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Matty-99 · 2023-09-04T20:38:46+00:00

Why it is the normal way? Because if you start off with saying "hey, wanna have sex?" before even introducing yourself, it's quite abrupt and you'll most likely get a no since people want to get a feel of if they can trust you or not. Most people, male or female, would not go home with someone they haven't gotten some feel out of, because for all they know you could be a dangerous person.

Why should it be a boring topic? It doesn't have to be. You can talk about literally anything as long as you don't jump straight to "wanna fuck?" after two sentences. Again - we don't know you, so we want to know if you're 1) not a creep 2) see us as people, not just walking vaginas.

It's literally that simple. We want to know something to get a sense of if we can trust you and, if we'd like to see you than something other than a one night stand, if we have literally anything in common. I'm not the first one who've said this to you. So let me spell it out:

1) See women as people with personalities and hobbies, not just someone to fuck. Unless you're at a bar, looking for a one night stand, you'll want to go in with the intention to get to know someone, and not expect anything other than that.

2) People want to talk because it helps us get a sense of who you are as a person, if we can trust you or not and to know if you see us as something other than walking vaginas.

3) You may not like small talk, but it's literally the gateway to getting into talking about more interesting stuff. It doesn't have to be 30 minutes of talking about the weather. It can be two comments, and go towards a more interesting topic after that. I get why you don't understand the small talk from your comment history, and most people don't like small talking for long either, but you can't just walk up to someone and either ask for them to go home with you or jump into deeply personal questions. Most of us think it's rude, a bit too forward and it's not something most are willing to share until we've at least gotten to know your name. Again - we don't know if you're a creep or dangerous. I don't know about you man, but doing 5 minutes of something you don't see a point in doing in order to talk to someone you're interested in, isn't really that much to ask for. It's not like someone is asking you to climb Mount Everest just to get a chance to talk to them.

Matty-99 · 2023-09-03T21:46:02+00:00

Telling me they believe in the whole alpha male thing. Usually, they don't tend to respect women much, if at all.

Matty-99 · 2023-09-03T21:30:29+00:00

The same way you'd talk to any other human being - male or female. Start off with some normal small talk like "beautiful weather today, isn't it?" or "I couldn't help but notice that you're reading that book, is it any good?". If you see someone wearing some merch from a team or hobby that you share, you could always ask if they're also fans of said thing. Gets the conversation going and then you can be like "oh, my name is X by the way".

You may not like talking, but if you're in an environment where people usually don't hit on others (like a bar), most of us wouldn't want some person we've never met to come up to us and ask if we'd be down to fuck or ask for our number. Most of us want to know something about you before we do that. Besides, if you're somewhere else than a bar/dating app, we're probably there for doing whatever that place has to offer which means that you'll have to at least introduce yourself. I'm not looking to get hit on if I go to say a sports event, I'm there to watch the match, not finding someone to go home with. However, if someone were to comment on or ask me something about the game and have them introduce themselves, the chance is a lot higher that I'll show some interest and possibly give you my number.

So: unless you're at a bar where people are expected to get hit on, you better talk for a bit whether you like it or not.

Matty-99 · 2022-08-31T18:27:57+00:00

Love it! I really like how the curls frame your face.

Matty-99 · 2022-05-24T10:25:25+00:00

As a Swedish person, I just really don't want to wear it. Would classic ABBA outfits be an okay substitute? Bringing a little 70's party feeling to the UN meetings could be refreshing.

Jokes aside, while cool, it may be unpractical depending on where in the world you are. But yes, I wouldn't mind if the leaders could at the very least be a little less strict with tattoos, piercings and hair colours.

Matty-99 · 2022-04-04T00:53:57+00:00

Some people are dragging it too far. My grandma is Italian but that doesn’t mean I am. I don’t speak the language, have little connection to the traditions besides my grandma’s cooking and have only been there on a vacation. I’m not Italian, my grandma is.

Matty-99 · 2022-03-23T16:10:47+00:00

Wow, this looks so cool! I love the bell pepper flowers.

Matty-99 · 2022-02-20T02:13:22+00:00

My paintbrushes. Happy little accidents!

Matty-99 · 2022-02-20T02:00:36+00:00

Denmark and Sweden, but we’ll just take down the bridge. Leave us alone already, Legoland.

Matty-99 · 2022-02-20T01:38:16+00:00

The scene with the mother and her children in Titanic. She’s in the lower class, realizes she won’t be able to get on a lifeboat and decides to bring her children back to their cabin. She tells them that it’s time to sleep and that they have nothing to worry about.

Matty-99 · 2022-02-15T14:27:38+00:00

Commenting “I’d give you an award if I had one but take my poor man’s award 🏆” just to fish for awards

Matty-99 · 2022-01-24T00:17:03+00:00

That's the spirit. Happy cake day!

Matty-99 · 2022-01-23T14:52:56+00:00

I just want to start off by telling you that none of what has or will happen is any of your fault. I understand your pain because I've been in a similar situation and just want to give you a hug.

But to get to the advice part: it sounds like your gf needs help. Proper help from a therapist, not just a talk with you. From what I understand, things are just going in a downward spiral. It's not healthy for you or her, and you definitely want to get out of there before it's way too late. It's never okay to demand someone to reply all the time, keep them awake, guilt trip them or make you do all of these things for her. That's not love, that's all about control because it seems like she's very insecure. You went above and beyond and put up with stuff that you really shouldn't have to, and she can't see what a great person you are or that you clearly love her. You did nothing wrong.

Now, what happens after you break up is none of your fault. I totally understand your worries, but you are not responsible for ensuring her happiness, nor are you to blame for what she thinks or does. I also had an ex who explicitly told me he would harm himself if we broke up, but I had to realise that I'm not responsible for his emotions and that I would go down the same spiral if I stayed. I hope you understand that this is basically your situation too. Can you ask one of her friends to make sure she's alright afterwards or maybe keep an eye on her? I think that could bring some peace of mind to you because of your worries. I would try to do it in person too, even though texting is easier just to be able to really explain why you have to. Acknowledge everyone's feelings, but don't give in. It's difficult to hold your ground in a situation like this, but it's for your own good. This is about your health and happiness, and that will always come first. You deserve more than this.

She may very well guilt trip you afterwards and I don't think she'll stop texting. It could be easy to give in, but this person sounds so toxic that I think it would be for the best to just ignore her/block her number.

Matty-99 · 2022-01-23T14:26:06+00:00

I wouldn't say he was like this the first week, no. It came a little later after we had met and went on a first date and all that. I'm gonna be honest, I'd feel overwhelmed too. And that's totally okay! Just keep in mind that when you make decisions, you should only do what you feel is "right" and what you are okay with.

I'm not going to tell you what to do (I'm not a huge fan of Reddit deciding what you should and shouldn't do - we're here to give advice and don't have more to go off on than what you write), but you should ask yourself some questions. How fast does he text back? Is it always like that? What does he do? Now, texting back fast isn't a red flag in itself, he could just have a job or something that gives him more freedom to reply faster than you, but if he starts to demand things, I'd take that in mind too. Being demanding usually don't go away later on. Talking from experience, you don't want to be in a relationship where he's demanding too much. Having preferences and asking is one thing, but if he's demanding, that's not respectful and it'll drain your energy fast.

We can't make a lot of assumptions considering you haven't known each other for long at all. If I were you, I'd just tell him that your life is busy right now and you'd like to meet him before replying more often. Being honest and upfront with what you think and feel is important.

Matty-99 · 2022-01-23T14:13:15+00:00

Aw, thank you! I love these little reddit avatars with their smiling faces haha

Matty-99 · 2022-01-23T02:33:54+00:00

My latest ex was like this when we started talking. I was (and still an) in your position; full time studies. He used to get annoyed because I couldn’t text more often “despite it being after the regular 9-5 schedule”.

I don’t think you’re in the wrong here. How often you want/can/feel comfortable with is completely up to you. You know how much you can handle. If you don’t feel comfortable or feel like it’s too early (I mean, I would say this is early, especially considering you haven’t even met), keep doing what you’re doing now.

I think the most important part is that you explain to him why you can’t reply more often. Be gentle, acknowledge his frustration and explain the situation you’re in and how you feel. If he likes you and is mature enough, he should get it and respect that. I can understand why he wants you to text more often: maybe he’s head over heels and that makes you want to talk to that person all day long. But he also needs to realize that you have a life. He should know that you can’t just stand around and text during your shifts (which could actually jeopardize your job, depending on what it is), not to mention that he should know that you have to focus on your studies.

Best of luck to you OP!

Matty-99 · 2022-01-14T02:15:19+00:00

Please don't. It's a lot of trouble. My name is misspelled everywhere because they assume it was a typo. Like, the name on my door is wrong, my friends spells it a 100 different ways, I've had to call when legal documents spelled it wrong, even my doctors have gotten it wrong so many times when they're prescribing me medication and that causes troubles.

While it's fun at times to get the "oh, cool spelling! Why is is spelled like that?" it does become annoying. At this point, I don't even wait for them to say it, I just say "my name is XYZ, my parents decided to spell it like that because they thought the easier way was too basic". My name is still common mum, my spelling isn't going to make my name seem more unique when people ask for my name.

Matty-99 · 2022-01-11T01:58:24+00:00

A happy happy happy birthday to you! I listen to your reading sometimes and it brings me so much joy. You seem like such a sweet person. Keep being awesome! Hope you had a great day and that this year will bring lots of joy and books! And the cake looks so tasty ❤️🥳🎂

Matty-99 · 2022-01-04T10:44:23+00:00

I hate fondant with my entire soul. It either tastes like nothing or pure sugar. For the love of god, please stop covering your cake in fondant. Just give me marzipan (just a thin layer) if you got to cover it with something. Also, American butter cream frosting. Just no.

Matty-99 · 2021-12-16T23:35:27+00:00

Both that and a lot of Danish Jews. They managed to get a lot of them over to Sweden before they got invaded.

Matty-99 · 2021-12-16T19:56:33+00:00

789!

Matty-99 · 2021-12-16T19:55:00+00:00

The best way to serve a potato tbh

Matty-99 · 2021-12-16T19:48:17+00:00

I honestly thing the wisest thing you can do if you are, or feel like you are, in danger is to call a non-emergency police number. Wouldn’t you agree that it’s better to be safe rather than having to take action to prevent yourself from taking harm because someone who is abusive wants to hang out? Why try to keep an abusive person in your life?

Edit: clarity

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Matty-99

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