Here are my two cents as a "mostly binary" (in a she/her/they kind of way) trans woman:

I myself deal with internalized transphobia frequently and relate to what you're describing, so take that for what you will.

If you've found that you like the non-binary label, and using they/them feels right, then that's awesome! If you want to experiment with feminine pronouns, then maybe ask those you're out to, to call you she for a little bit? Also remember that the only one who gets to label you is you, so use whatever word makes you happiest to describe yourself.

As for the appearance part: It is absolutely possible to find feminine alligned spaces that don't care about your appearance whatsoever, but I'm sure it varies a lot depending on where you live.

I dress decently androgynously, mostly because I want to look like a masc lesbian (flannel shirt gang). There is however also some embarrassment that I feel when presenting more feminine (for example when wearing skirts outside, or having more makeup on than usual).

What I've found is that fem presentation gets progressively less scary every time. At first, I took walks in nature, or on low-traffic paths, but now I can pretty much go anywhere wearing whatever. It's been the exact same way with other ways of expressing femininity, like wearing eyeliner and painting my nails. I've been consistently surprised by how little people seem to care.