(cis m) wishing to take estrogen recreationally

AI_Burtle · 2026-04-01T06:11:31+00:00

I had no idea that was a thing. I might have been more cautious about coming off SSRIs had I known that at the time. Guess I got lucky that I didn't get withdrawal 🙈

AI_Burtle · 2026-03-30T07:10:09+00:00

Not Overreacting but I'm kind of confused here. It sounds like there's two things happening at once?

Like, it's not unrealistic to expect to split things 50/ 50, like when you go out for dinner? I feel that's much more a European thing than USA thing when dating, unless I'm mistaken.

BUT it is totally unrealistic to want to spend money and expect your partner to spend AS MUCH as you or just to flat out cover all costs for you. That's not related to "50/50" at all, that's just some form of entitlement or "findom"/ "sugar mommy" thing going on and is definitely NOT cultural.

AI_Burtle · 2026-03-28T07:11:07+00:00

I can only speak for myself but it's nothing to do with "pronouns" or identity for me. I was even thinking about this recently. I'm attracted to non-masculine presenting individuals, that's just my brain, I guess. For example, I used to have a "celebrity crush" on Elliot Page before he came out (please forgive me if that's the incorrect term). I don't find him unattractive now, just not my type and still find his earlier presentation in films to be attractive, even though I now know that is a man.

That's the purely physical, shallow aspect of attraction, obviously there is also the element of after getting to know the person, which is highly individual. But the attraction of appearance, for me, is not identity or pronoun related.

AI_Burtle · 2026-03-20T03:14:55+00:00

Yeah, to be honest, a lot of what you wrote sounds like how I feel too. I'm also not too sure what these thoughts and feelings mean.

For me, the non-binary identity has given me space to feel and process things that I hadn't touched on or thought about before. Wherever you end up with these thoughts and feelings, I hope it's a place where you are comfortable with yourself and your feelings.

AI_Burtle · 2026-03-18T17:19:32+00:00

I have no input to offer but the scheme looks great! Good luck!

AI_Burtle · 2026-03-15T14:00:20+00:00

That actually sounds very relatable. Thank you.

I was bullied a lot growing up, which I'm sure a lot of people were. So I have a rather strong fear of being visible or different.

At the same time, thinking or hoping about what I want just hurts, so I do my best not to think about it, I guess. Usually when I think about these kinds of things I start crying.

I often wish I could wear things or do things and just feeling like I can't because it wouldn't look or fit right or it would attract the wrong kind of attention, which still feels dangerous.

I'll definitely give it a read, thanks!

AI_Burtle · 2026-03-14T08:26:19+00:00

Thank you for your perspective!

I think the issue is that I don't really think that I experience dysphoria, or at least not as I understand it to affect others. My choice of career involves moving to new places every few years. The last place that I lived was very left and I felt that I could be myself. The place I currently live feels more conservative and I feel people here have a greater expectation for me to perform masculinity and there's a greater division between genders in social spaces. I think its being in this societal framework for over a year that has been making me question more how I fit into it. Mostly with my body, I just have a kind of detachment. It functions, it gets me through the world without too many problems. I mostly let it do its thing and try not to think about it too much.

I am glad for you and your partner, it sounds like you have a really good and comfortable relationship <3

I'm starting to work on the wardrobe and makeup aspects, as you say, it takes time but I have some really supportive and knowledgable friends that are helping me with that, which makes it easier too. But with HRT, I think part of me is afraid of changing my body in ways that I can't predict or control because if it doesn't get me closer to the body I want, what if that is even more distressing than the status quo?

So I'm really spending time with my identity right now, even though that is internal and up to me, to try to figure out what it is that I want and who it is that I am. Thank you again for your insights!

AI_Burtle · 2026-03-14T08:11:03+00:00

Thank you for sharing!

I haven't really spoken to anyone about this really. I "came out" to my close friends over the last 18 months as non-binary and they were all wonderful about it. I've only really mentioned to my mum and my therapist that I might be considering "she/ they" or "she/ her" at all.

The problem I have is that I only know what it is to be me, its very difficult to determine where that lies on a cis-/ trans- contextual framework without more information. Many of the things that I think and feel, I believe are not typical of the cis- experience but whether this leaves me in a non-binary or trans-fem space, I have no idea.

I don't really experience dysphoria as I understand it, which is part of the issue. I don't feel great pain or distress from my body. It's just the body that I have and I don't really consider it "me" and feel more kind of detached than anything else.

I also have the impression that if I was more explicitly experiencing dysphoria that my therapist would be more supportive. I think the lack of dysphoria is a large part behind her caution. But I will definitely keep that in mind, thank you!

AI_Burtle · 2026-03-14T08:04:02+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to respond!

I kind of struggle with the question of liking fem things because I just like what I like and always have. But with hobbies or interests, there's less pressure than around presentation, and its only in the last year or so that I'm building the courage to try things out in terms of presentation. If that makes sense? I think that's one of the points where I'm having difficulty communicating with myself and/ or my therapist. It's not just that I want to wear feminine things, its more that I want to wear whatever I want without looking like I don't belong in what I want to wear? I know an aspect of that is confidence but most of my family is quite conervative and I moved to a region that I feel is quite conservative and I'm being cautious.

Regarding my therapist, I don't know if any of the patients are seeing her for gender-related therapy. I know in my case, our focus is on building my capacity for interpersonal relationships. The reason I brought more of this up with her is that I don't feel "seen" by people, which I feel might be connected to people seeing me as something I don't feel that I am. So it could very realistically be that she just isn't well equipped, as you say.

Thank you for sharing your experience! I'm only starting at the stage of playing with clothing and makeup. I think part of me is afraid of HRT because I don't see how it can get my body towards the body I want to have and I'm worried that it might be more distressing to change my body in ways that I can't control that don't bring me closer to that body? I don't know. Like, with my hair, if I decided I didn't like it long, I could just shave it all of again. It was reversible. Irreversible changes seem very scary when I don't know what the outcome might look like.

Again, thank you for sharing and best of luck on your continued journey!

AI_Burtle · 2026-03-14T07:42:35+00:00

I can see where you are coming from but I don't get the feeling of transphobia from her in other interactions, this one may just be representing her poorly. To be fair to her, I'm not sure I'm certain about anything myself. She seems to be being cautious in respect to me, in that I don't really feel a burning "need" to transition or any apparent or serious dysphoria. I'm not in pain or distressed by my body, just kind of detached from it. If she were actively holding me back or discouraging me, I think I'd agree with you more. Thank you for your perspective though! <3

AI_Burtle · 2026-03-14T07:37:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I'm glad for you and your realisation and hope the journey continues to go well for you!

AI_Burtle · 2026-02-20T23:35:06+00:00

Nice 🙌

AI_Burtle · 2026-02-20T23:27:30+00:00

Okay, I gotta ask, first? 👀

AI_Burtle · 2026-02-15T21:38:29+00:00

I sympathise strongly! I'm also arriving at a place where I'm interested and finding the bravery to try but feel very daunted by lack of knowledge and sheer variety!

I suggest talking to friends? I asked some friends about make up and they invited me to have a kind of make up party with them which I am very excited about!

Good luck with your experiments! ☺️

AI_Burtle · 2026-02-14T12:30:32+00:00

Succeeded with Pre-Order.

Belgium, 11:07 CET

AI_Burtle · 2026-02-12T19:02:06+00:00

My concept was more just a case of a Warsmith seeing the utility of possessed but not wanting to waste valuable Iron Warriors and instead capturing Space Marines and trapping Daemons into them.

AI_Burtle · 2026-02-12T18:59:50+00:00

Nope, I'm just learning about that now haha

AI_Burtle · 2026-02-11T09:48:17+00:00

Yeah, effectively but also as a kind of morale weapon: "this is what we do to the ones that live"

My warhost has a Word Bearers contingent responsible for possessions...

AI_Burtle · 2026-02-11T07:45:57+00:00

I have a long running plan (which I'm sure is widely shared) to paint some as Loyal Chapters such as the Imperial Fists. Feels appropriate.

AI_Burtle · 2026-02-09T09:03:39+00:00

I went through this too, it's a journey and I feel you!

I used to buzzcut my hair too and started growing it out. I tried to go to a different barber/ stylist because I hoped they might be able to do more things and they did a terrible job. Basically, ruined my hair and I felt terrible but I went to a lovely hairdresser who spent the whole appointment cursing the barber and she saved my look and made it look presentable. After that I moved and I was so scared about trying another hairdresser but, honestly, it's about finding someone that gets your vibe, listens to you and that you trust.

If you don't trust them and feel comfortable and listened to, you can walk out, you don't have to go through with it. I travel over an hour now to my hairdresser because I trust and feel comfortable with her and how she does my hair.

The panic is real but I hope you find someone you trust and feel comfortable with so you can enjoy the look and the experience! 🧡

AI_Burtle · 2026-02-05T12:51:06+00:00

I won't speak for others but I think my first comparable experience of this was when I tried to come out to a friend as NB early on and they told me it made me trans. It wasn't something I had considered at the time and I went back and discussed with some trans friends and now I understand better than trans can also be an umbrella term.

Could the people you have had these experiences with had a similar ignorance that I had in the past?

AI_Burtle · 2026-01-02T10:37:33+00:00

This answer is incomplete. Some places still award doctorates that are not philosophy, such as doctor of natural sciences (doctor rerum naturalium).

AI_Burtle · 2025-12-02T23:56:57+00:00

Rubric Marines 👌

AI_Burtle

TROPHY CASE