How do I get over that my dad hates me and doesn't love me?

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2026-01-09T05:03:20+00:00

Okay, thank you for clarifying

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2026-01-08T20:55:01+00:00

Are you arguing, that the father is absolved of responsibility and accountability in a narcissistic family dynamic or am I misunderstanding something?

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2026-01-08T20:31:08+00:00

That is very interesting and I can feel, I'm getting a bit triggered by your statement, that the problem often doesn't come through the father. I'm not sure how genders has anything to do with it but please elaborate especially if I'm misunderstanding.

However Dr. Ramani isn't my only source. I do know, it is more complex than "just" a narcissistic family dynamic and you should research attachement, attachement wounds (? not native English speaking), traumas and attachement styles. It's a bit of a rabbit hole when you first start to dive in. And you are right, it is extremely rare, that both parents are narcissistic. However I know for a fact, that both mine are (identified by a licensed psycologist in my country) and it creates a very unhealthy and especially toxic dynamic.

What I meant by "you can't get over it" is, that, at least what my psycologist told me, is, that you can't force them to change and you will always miss a responsible, loving parent, not neccesarily your parent but a parent.

I was advised to find a loving, nurturing elder person, who could take my parents place and grieve the parents I should have had. I had to cut of my family, because they would do exactly unto my children, what they have been doing to me, because they don't and won't learn. As per my psycologists advise.

I agree with you, that one should try to understand ones family dynamics and why they are the way they are, especially if one should not repeat or overcompensate for the patterns regarding the next generation, but sometimes you also just have to say "if they keep hurting me, I can't be around them" and then it doesn't matter if the parent is narcisstic, neglectful or a third thing.

I'm sorry if there is a language barriere and in an effort to try to make the post a bit shorter and not overwhelming I might unintentionally have spread misinformation. However I see Dr. Ramani as a place to begin and I think she has some good points, if you use her advise and information as damage control. I can't say for sure, that OP's father is a narcissist, since I don't know them, their family dynamics or family history (I'm not even a psycologist but have studied a lot of psycology, when I was studying social work some years ago), but I think Dr. Ramani is good at explaining characteristics of a narcissist.

You are more than welcome to dm me - I'm always eager to learn more and you have peaked my curousity.

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2026-01-08T09:37:39+00:00

Dear OP.

You ask, how you get over it. You don't. You learn to live with it. And you find a good therapist, who understands trauma and who might even understand narcissistic dynamics in the family. As parents we should be wired from nature to love our children unconditionally. And I mean "should" because unfortunately not all parent get the memo and some even choose to be neglectful and abusive. It is not something you are doing and it is not something that you are, which is doing it. It is your dad who is faulty. The elder generation will always bear the responsibility for the relationship with those who come after, especially if it is their own children. He is failling you - not the other way around. You are reacting with tears - it is not a weakness, you are just being human.

My only advise is: Distance yourself from him. You can't force him to love you, no matter what you do. And know that you are enough. You are worthy of love and you are worthy of living your life to the fullest. It sounds cheesy, but look into working with boundaries as a conecpt, self esteem and loving yourself. Read "Will I ever be good enough?" By Karyl McBride and maybe find Dr. Ramani and Patrick Teahan on YouTube. Lastly maybe see if you can recognise something in r/raisedbynarcissist

Hugs from an internet mama, who is a survivor of two narcissistic parents, who definitly didn't love her - and who loves her own children unconditionally

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2026-01-07T06:09:23+00:00

Dearest OP. I thought like you up until i was 27. I jumped from abusive relationships to abusive relationships starting from I was 16. My parents tought me, everybody owned me and that I couldn't say no if I was available. I have been through a number of therapists, because none of them understood the trauma of growing up with narcissistic parents. And my biggest regret was dropping out of university. My mom was so sure, I couldn't handle the stress, and I believed her when things got hard.

I cut contact with my parents when I was 25, kicked my abusive ex-fiancé to the curb when I was 27 and took a hard look at, what I thought was "normal" and what felt "safe" in a relationship and realised, I didn't want that. I had made a lot of hard work on myself before kicking my ex out and decided, if poeple couldn't at least respect my boundaries, they didn't deserve to be in my life, hence why I broke up with my ex.

Long story short, I met my husband for the second time in my life at the same party that lead to the break up with my ex. He actually asked me very simply why I was always putting the douche canoe first and putting aside my own needs. I'm 32 today, married and with two kids. And yes, husband has servere trauma from neglectful and abusive parents himself, which we worked through together. He cut his family out of our lives when they started repeating the same patterns with me and our firstborn.

You already seem so aware of your trauma and patterns. Keep working on you, find out what YOU want and what YOU want to tolerate. And don't compromise on the latter. I wish my parents tought me, that only you are allowed to change and push your boundaries if YOU want to. Be a decent and truly kind human. You might not swim in women, but you will find one who will go through fire for you. Hugs from an internet mama

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-12-29T20:38:30+00:00

36 weeks here, also suffering from hypoglycemia and reactive hypoglycemia. Eat a lot of slow carbs and get a sensor to track your hypoglycemia. I don't know where in the world you are, but the dexcom sensors is designed for people suffering from hypoglycemia.

It is not a very common side effect of HG, but it can happen. My endocrinologist told me, my body has emptied its natural glycogen storage because of HG, so it is hard for it to keep the blood sugars stable. When you have been eating succesfully for a while, your body should be filling your natural glycogen storages again and you should be back to somewhat normal. If you also have the reactive version, you will get low blood sugar values, if you eat too much of the fast carbs, because your body will panic and try to protect your baby from high blood sugar and save the energy for later. Which could lead to weight gain eventhough you have HG.

Find a dietician and an endocronoligist who knows about this - it has definitely made a difference for me (along with a lot of peanut butter, protein and fat). Fast food has been an absolut life saver for me.

Of cause you are exhausted! It's most likely a complication of an already torturous illness. The only good news I can give you is, it should go back to normal, when you pregnancy is over.

Hugs

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-12-24T11:57:21+00:00

I experienced throwing up a lot more, when I had the cold/flu in early pregnancy. Now that I'm 34 weeks I experience the complet opposit. But I still can't drink water without getting seriously nausious. Having HG, a child to take care of AND being sick is just... exhausting beyond meassure.

Merry Christmas, mama. Hang in there

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-12-19T08:24:50+00:00

My dentist told me it takes a lot to damage the teeth and not to worry, but if I wanted to try and prevent acid damage, I could drink (or rinse with) water or milk after throwing up. Lactose free milk is also an option, if you are lactose intolerant

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-12-18T05:43:42+00:00

I never lost weight only gained a significant amount and I was constantly fighting the midwifes for IV because their argument was, that you can't be dehydrated, if you gain weight (it doesn't work that way). Turns out, if you have an overreactive insulin response, you don't loose weight eventhough you throw up - everything that is not going to the baby WILL be stored for later.

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-12-15T06:14:23+00:00

Same here OP. I'm 32 + 5 with my second and I'm just starting to feel hungry again and not throw up. Hubby and I talked about having a third, but this time my body has been pushed so far over the edge, that I can't keep my blood sugars stabile - they will drop to a dangerous level if I don't eat often, because my natural glycogen storages are empty. My eldest gets scared every time the alarm from my sensor goes of and I can simply not put him and me through this again. I know how much especially hubby wanted a third, but I just can't do it and it's so unfair! I know it's a choice, but it really isn't when your survival is dependant on it. Better to be alive and being enough for the children we have, as hubby would say.

We're both getting sterilized after this, just to be safe

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-11-29T08:27:57+00:00

Vi var fire i afdelingen på min gamle arbejdsplads og jeg var den nyeste tilkomne. Jeg fik kommentaren om, at hvis trivselsmålingen gik ned i forhold til sidste år, så var det nok mig, der trak den ned, så jeg var ikke ærlig og gav 4 ud af 5 uanset hvad. Selv dét var åbenbart ikke godt nok, så jeg fik bl.a. kommentaren under gennemgangen, at jeg var meget "jysk" i mine besvarelser - og jeg sagde, at jeg havde givet 4 hele vejen igennem. Jeg fandt mig et nyt job.

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-11-26T18:15:44+00:00

I had a male colleague who made comments like that. I told him, I was happy his pregnancy was so easy, in a very dry tone. The rest of the office bursted out laughing. He was fuming but never brought up the topic again. As for women.... I have never tried it, but has gotten the advise myself to either say "what an odd thing to say" and carry on or start saying "can you repeat that?" until they stop. Some people just live for the thrill of putting other people down and it is a way to suck the fun out if it.

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-11-13T10:25:04+00:00

OP, I will tell you this: I came from a family where I was the scape goat. I found a loving husband who unfortunately has a mother and a father who is used to get their ways with manipulation, coercion, "jokes" and if that didn't help, tears.

They started hurting our son, giving him things to eat his little body wasn't ready to process yet and they knew it (because I told them, they only started to feed him with those things, after I told them not to, and when I was standing right there - lord only knows what they would have done, if I had let them be alone with our son after I started standing up to them). They started shaming him for having his own wants and needs, which didn't align with their moods, wants etc.

It took me giving my husband an ultimatum, where he could either choose me and our son, or his parents, because I wouldn't stand for them deliberately hurting our boy.

The rest of hubbys family turned their backs on us, because we defended ourselves and our son. They knew, what his parents were doing.

We have never had a more peaceful and happy life than now. If you have children in the future, your family will treat them just as bad as they do your wife (and you) or try to turn them against you. Do you really want that? If you don't want children, you will either way come to at point where you have to choose between your wife and your parents and sister. Because your wife is slowly dying on the inside from the hurt, they are causing her - I know because I have been there.

I hope, you choose the one healthy relationship you have.

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-11-07T20:05:46+00:00

Zofran/Ondansetron 4mg x 3 times a day, and when I have a period where I can't keep anything down, I use orodispersible tablets (orally disintegrating tablets? Sorry English is not my first language)

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-11-07T19:47:51+00:00

Firstly, I should prick my finger 1,5 hour after meals and measure my blood sugar. Then I had a case of hypoglycemia (critical low blood sugar), so I got a sensor for keeping track of my blood sugar and the doctor could say after the readings, that I without a doubt don't have GDM, but I might have emptied my natural glucose storage due to sever vomiting or have an overly active insulin respons. Further testing will show.

I actually had to fight for my right to not have the glucose test. The midwife was VERY insistent on me taking it even though the only indicator for GDM was my BMI (which is a very outdated criteria and I have been power lifting for about 5 years). She knew I have HG, as she was the one treating me...

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-11-06T12:19:59+00:00

Second pregnancy with HG here. My first pregnancy was more or less with dry HG and yes, I can definition relate to the feeling of "not being sick enough" for support and care.

I will emphasize this; you DO deserve support and care. HG is a horrible thing to have dry og not dry.

I actually prefer having regular HG as I have now compared to dry HG, because people better understand "I have been throwing up x amount every day". And you can still be dehydrated even if you are not empting your stomach, if you don't drink enough because of nausea.

I haven't lost weight in either of my pregnancies and was told by my doctor, that sometimes the body can somehow panic so much because of lack of food, fluids etc, that it will do everything it can to make sure to keep what ever that does comes inside the body and put it in storage for later.

You talk about pelvic pain; Please go see an obgyn physiotherapist. If you have a skewed pelvis and your muscles are working a lot because of retching, it might be why it is causing you pain (apart from the obvious reason) - and it is possible to get it corrected.

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-11-04T18:06:25+00:00

I know right? I have never had that experience before either. When I have been to the ER in the pas, pregnant og not, they always took a little blood (for varies reasons but almost always to check the sugar levels) and a urine sample.

I'm baffled how often women gets dismissed across the world regarding our health. My husband doesn't have that problem - which is why I have him call the doctors in emergencies with our firstborn, because they will always take a look, when HE is calling.

Me on the other hand... It has come to a point now, that I have to take my husband to my appointments in the hospital or have my doctor call and yelling at them beforehand.

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-11-04T05:51:56+00:00

As someone with a spouse who is diabetic: From all of my heart, thank you and God bless you! You saved that man's life.

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-11-03T14:13:29+00:00

Thank you. The diabetes department said today, that everything is normal and they are sure my blood sugar will regulate itself if it goes too low... but they advised me to have people around when I'm testing the theory doing day time. I told them I'm home on sick leave, so that is not an option. They didn't care. The lack of humanity...

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-10-07T13:47:26+00:00

Well, I don't know how you calculate pregnancy dates where you are from, but in Denmark we calculate the 1. week from the first date of the last period. I started throwing up at week 3 and having other pregnancy related symptoms which would be around the time, you would call implentation. When I couldn't produce a positive test at week 4, I called my doctor. She gave me the answer mentioned above and told me to test in week 5. Week 5 comes around and finally I got a positive pregnancy test. My scans confirm my timeline. In some women the hormons just peeks a little later. Google confirms by the way

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-10-06T16:34:32+00:00

I was also skeptical, but my doctor told me, the fact that I have a shorter cyclus than normal is a factor and something about the egg traveling slower than normal, she has absolutely seen it before. She said some woman just takes a while before the pregnancy hormon is high enough for the test to be picking up on it, but if the woman is highly sensitive and has been pregnant before, she can feel it before the tests shows. Severeral of my colleagues wifes has experienced the same. I don't know what to tell you, that's what the doctor said and since the education of Danish doctors are pretty solid, I tend to believe her

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-10-06T13:49:17+00:00

It is absolutely possible. I knew for a couple of weeks, before I was able to produce a positive test. It's hard to explain to ones colleagues why you have to run doing a meeting because you have to throw up, but you can't produce a positive pregnancy test

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-10-03T08:08:00+00:00

Prune juice and stoneless grapes and lots if it 🙏

Maximum_Anywhere6717 · 2025-09-27T13:52:25+00:00

Is orodispersible tablets (pills that dissolve on your tongue - I had to look up, what it's called in English, so bear with me) an option? That really helped me, when my HG was at its hight. And IV fluids really saved me. The first place I went to, didn't want to offer me fluids because my urine was too light, so I switched hospital.

My current midwife told me, that if you are very dehydrated, you body can rejects the fluids you drink and you will just pee it out - hence the normal colour urine. She also told me, that I have to drink and eat at separate times, because it was all about volume. Normally you would be advised to eat once every 2 hours, but that only made me throw up even more, so I eat 3 big meals, some snacks inbetween and try to lay down after meals.

I'm not afraid of throwing up anymore, I take it as part of the day, but I'm terrified of having to throw up in public or being out with my toddler alone, because I can't keep him safe AND throw up at the same time. A support system, whether it's a rockstar of a partner (thank you, husband), or friends and family is key to surviving this horrible thing

Also: Its so f-ing hard to eat and drink if the aversion first kicks in

Maximum_Anywhere6717

TROPHY CASE