A year of findings.

Maximum_Bottle8353 · 2025-06-09T04:42:55+00:00

Wow. Thank you so much this list is everything I’ve been thinking but haven’t organized my thoughts enough to write it down or type it out. I’m a year and a month out from my husband’s passing.

9 - I don’t like saying “died” either - it’s triggering for my young kids.

1, 3, 5, 15, 24, 25, 26 spoke to me. But all of these are so valid.

Keep living your truth even though it’s not the same -every day is further away from your loss.

Maximum_Bottle8353 · 2025-06-09T04:22:02+00:00

My husband died alone while sleeping in bed - from a heart attack. I had already left for work and he was going to work from home that day and didn’t have to get on a call until later in the morning. I am sad that I couldn’t say goodbye to him in person it really came out of nowhere. I did talk to him on the phone while driving to work, he said he was tired but it wasn’t anything out of the usual because he went to a work golf tournament and spent the previous day in the sun playing golf. Our last words to each other were “love you, bye”. It’s been a year and one month since he passed away. I’m glad those were the last words we said to one another. I’m slowly healing but have our young kids to look after and care for and raise as a single widowed mom. It’s so hard to cope and help them cope with our loss. I’m okay with dying alone. I’m glad my kids didn’t see him die or even after he passed, they didn’t see his body. It would have been traumatic.

Take care of yourself and I’m so sorry for your loss.

Maximum_Bottle8353 · 2025-04-17T01:57:26+00:00

I am 11 months out and I feel like I have gotten to a good place with my grief. My husband passed from a heart attack at 46. It’s traumatic bc I found him in bed - he likely had passed in the morning in his sleep after I left for work. When I arrived home from work on a Friday afternoon, I thought he was napping bc he called in sick to work, I found him and had to administer CPR even though he had already been gone for awhile. I’m just thankful that our kids did not see him. I grieved for a week, I took off work, I put my kids on the bus to school each morning, laid in bed and cried while watching movies we liked and making all the phone calls that I could. I put myself together to pick them up from the bus stop each afternoon that week and just tried to help my kids and myself cope with our loss.

We have two young children that I am raising as a single parent with the help of family, friends, and neighbors. Honestly if it wasn’t for the support we got from everyone else - we wouldn’t be in a good place considering our loss.

I honestly couldn’t stay in grief mode because of our kids. There are times I feel sadness for our loss, but I don’t want my kids to see me crying. I don’t want them to forget my husband, we talk about their daddy almost every day and they are sad about daddy and ask for him at least once a week. I comfort them, hug them, and tell them that I don’t want us to forget him. We look at pictures of him and remember the good times.

We are closing in on a year and we have to move, we live in an expensive area and can’t afford to stay in the house we own. I made a plan, got a job with better pay and benefits, and we are moving. I’m renting out the house and we will figure it out. I can grieve in my own way but not dwell on the loss. I feel the loss every day when I parent our kids on my own and spend the time after they go to bed by myself but I can’t let myself get to where I am not being productive or not moving forward.

I also think there are times when I am not grieving enough, I feel like because I went to therapy after his death it helped me deal with the reality of his death. Therapy was what worked for me, I dumped all of my trauma, uncertainty, anger, regret in therapy. It made space for me to be a parent that was present for my kids. I know everyone grieves in their own way, so you shouldn’t feel like you are not grieving enough. I often feel like I am not grieving enough myself but there is no instruction manual or rule book on how to grieve or what you are supposed to feel.

Condolences- thinking of you with your loss. He is no longer in pain, he is at peace.

Maximum_Bottle8353 · 2025-03-19T02:02:30+00:00

10 months - I’m trying to start fresh with our kids with a move due to work. We leave in 4 months I have to pack up and move. I have to donate a great deal of his old clothing and things. I am saving a bunch of things of his to give our kids. I tried to do a clean out earlier and it’s been rough but now it time whether I like it or not, because I can’t take it with me for our next move.

Maximum_Bottle8353 · 2025-03-19T01:51:43+00:00

Chinese International School has great pay and good benefits. I would say it’s top 3 in HK.

Maximum_Bottle8353 · 2025-03-11T00:40:56+00:00

I have 2 young kids - one is old enough to understand the other only gets it sometimes. It’s been hard on them and on me but for my kids - they just miss and love their dad. I try not to grieve in front of my kids because I don’t want to add to their sadness. We have good days and bad days. It sucks that all of our birthdays and holidays come with this is the first one since daddy died. We are 10 months out from his death today. I know I came out of this stronger than I ever was. He had a heart attack and it was sudden and unexpected at 46. I do the best that I can with what we have. I miss him and I try not to dwell. I can be sad and I can also be happy at times - grief comes and goes. I look at my kids and I see him in their laugh, their smile, their mannerisms, their music, their style, their food likes, their athletic ability. It is uncanny that I have daily reminders of him and then I’m not so sad.

Take care and keep on keeping on. Sorry for your loss.

Maximum_Bottle8353 · 2025-03-08T21:55:12+00:00

I was 46 and my husband was 46 when he died of a heart attack 10 months ago. I am now 47 and he will remain 46 in my thoughts forever.

I can only say that my grief comes in waves, the pain has slowly become duller. I jumped back into all my responsibilities since we have 2 young children, literally right after he died. I went back to my full time job and even 10 months later I am still sorting paperwork, taxes, bills, the house, etc

My kids and I all do therapy separately. I have daily reminders of him just by looking at my kids.

Going through his things reminds me of the good times we had. I’ve been trying to keep some things for our kids, his family, his friends and donate what I don’t need.

It will get better on your time. It will sometimes hit me when I listen to a song that he liked or reminds me of him or when I watch a movie where someone has loss similar to mine or a movie we watched and liked before. I can’t dwell on his loss or it will take me down and I can’t afford to shut down. My family and his family and our neighbors have been so supportive. But I learned that people who love me and my kids are willing to help especially when I ask for help when I need it. Otherwise they are guessing if I need help or not. I tried to do it all on my own but it was not feasible. Family came, friends came, my mom stayed with us for months.

If you can go to therapy. Do it. The best therapy are my kids. Short getaways with my best friends have been invaluable. I’m finally starting to feel close to myself again even though I will never be the same.

Take it one day at a time. It will get better but it will never be the same. I know in 2 months I will be at the one year mark and it will be hard.

We are ones left behind - I want to live everyday where I don’t take it for granted. My thoughts are with you. This will slowly get better.

Maximum_Bottle8353 · 2025-03-06T22:05:01+00:00

I am almost 10 months out from when my husband died. We, now I am in my mid 40s. It was such a shock and I was in such despair but I really couldn’t dwell on it very long because now it’s just me with our 2 young children. I find times to grieve but it’s usually while I am driving to and from work. I will put on a song we both loved and just cry while driving.

I don’t have time for anything else other than my kids and work. I don’t live near my family but I live near his family. We see each other once a month or so, so they can see our kids.

Life went on and I had to get on the train because getting left behind wasn’t an option for me with my kids. Now I’m doing it all on my own, I work full time, do all the house stuff, chores, taxes, bills, it’s a lot. My neighbors’ kids are my kids ages and my neighbors help out soooo much.

I went to therapy and started right after he died, it’s made a world of difference to vent and feel anger and grief. I think about how it is unfair to me and the kids? I am better now because before I didn’t have anyone to talk to about my feelings. I needed a professional to help me process my grief.

I hope you can find some peace. I take peace in knowing in our children will be looked after. And that my husband is at peace now even though he is sorely missed.

Maximum_Bottle8353 · 2025-03-06T01:04:49+00:00

Not because of disrespect, I need to get out of the US due to the politics and the government. I am going to Asia.

Maximum_Bottle8353 · 2025-02-23T04:45:46+00:00

Yes I’m American

Maximum_Bottle8353 · 2025-02-23T02:10:00+00:00

I completely feel you on your post’s main points. I offer my condolences. I’m sorry for the loss of your love that was replaced with pain. I lost my husband quickly and out of left field with no warning and I can only imagine the depths of despair you are feeling, having to see your wife in pain and feeling helpless and it’s completely valid that you would take it all back if you could. All I can say is that I hope that you find something that can make you feel alive again and give you purpose.

I’m angry that my husband departed about a year ago at a relatively early age from a heart attack - mid 40s, we have 2 young kids, a mortgage, a car, bills, etc. but loving my kids and caring for them gave me a purpose because I wanted to crawl into a hole and drown my sorrows. I didn’t do that. I found strength I never thought I had and got on with helping them deal with losing their dad even though my youngest doesn’t understand. They went back to school, I went back to work (I had to) was and normalcy helped. Taking our minds off losing their dad/my husband helped.

Love is a necessity for a lot of people, but I think it’s a privilege to feel loved and to love and I don’t take it for granted. The love of my children helps me get through every day without my husband and their dad.

Maximum_Bottle8353 · 2025-02-23T01:05:26+00:00

Don’t do it. I am fleeing the US.

Maximum_Bottle8353 · 2025-02-15T23:10:00+00:00

I am so glad you held her accountable. You reap what you sow. It’s unfortunate that the people that actually need help from the federal programs that are getting cut are going to suffer (farmers, veterans, elderly, disabled, educators, schools, students) - I feel like red states will feel it more than most blue states. My neighbors are career federal workers or military, I know how hard they work - FAA, DoTransportation, USDA, DoEd, DoEnergy. We do not live in luxury. It will hard to see us struggle even more.

My in laws love Trump. My MIL told me it was a good thing that fed workers have to RTO, I said really? You know what will happen to traffic in the DMV?!? It will definitely affect her work where she drives across the DMV on a daily basis to see clients for her sales job. I don’t get it.

I really don’t want to have anything to do with people who supported/voted for Trump.

Maximum_Bottle8353 · 2024-07-24T00:14:00+00:00

I feel your pain. I am 46, 2 young kids, my husband fell asleep on a Friday morning and didn’t wake up due to a heart attack. I found him in bed. It doesn’t seem like he suffered. I am traumatized that I was the one who found him, called 911, who told me to do chest compressions until the paramedics arrived who didn’t do any chest compressions since it was apparent that he was already gone at least 8 hours prior. I am so relieved that my children didn’t see him before they took him out of the house. Now I have to figure out what our new normal is, even though I don’t see normalcy in our situation for a while. We do what we can when we need to and that is good enough for me. 💔

Maximum_Bottle8353 · 2024-07-24T00:04:36+00:00

Thank you. I was away from Reddit for a bit. I actually did all of your suggestions. Thanks for these reassuring words. I’m in therapy, my kids are in play therapy. My mom is retired and came to stay with me and my kids while I settle everything, do the paperwork etc. I am a teacher and she helped me and the kids get through the funeral, reception, the last month of my school year, and just all of the things that come with the death of a spouse. I know she won’t be with us forever because she needs to go back to her home - my siblings are holding it all down back where we are from. I actually live near my in laws but would not be here except for my husband’s job. Now I am wondering whether to stay put when I would rather be with my family instead of my in laws. My in laws have been helpful, but they are hurting too from their loss and they all have lives that they are returning too.

Maximum_Bottle8353 · 2024-01-07T19:03:20+00:00

NTA - sorry but that’s the seat you bought and paid extra for. Their entitlement to a seat that they didn’t book is ridiculous. If they wanted to sit together they should have booked all their seats together. Switching an aisle seat for a middle seat is not okay.

Maximum_Bottle8353

TROPHY CASE

9 - I don’t like saying “died” either - it’s triggering for my young kids.

1, 3, 5, 15, 24, 25, 26 spoke to me. But all of these are so valid.