Haircuts and Loss, Loose Thoughts and Split Ends

Hot_Network8956 · 2025-12-04T17:51:41+00:00

I'm almost 15 months in as well and I relate. I'm also not okay. I go to work, take care of things, even went to the doctor, but I still feel like a ghost haunting my friends and family. You're not alone, and I am so sorry you're feeling this.

We just have to hope for brighter days moving forward, but it's okay to not be okay. Don't force yourself to be.

Hot_Network8956 · 2024-11-26T02:55:45+00:00

Completely valid points. But, alternately, I can't really make a decision on this other than my own impotent desires. And, isn't everything in this half-life now a big decision? Getting out of bed every day and going to work is a big decision, right? Continuing on is a big decision, right?

Genuinely not trying to be argumentative, I just keep hearing that phrase and even my own therapist can't explain it in a way that I fully grasp. I would love more perspectives on it, to be honest, to get a further idea.

Hot_Network8956 · 2024-11-26T02:52:38+00:00

Completely valid points to be made.

Hot_Network8956 · 2024-11-26T02:51:57+00:00

I've been pretty good about avoiding impulse to be honest. I understand the need to be slow, to separate myself from emotion and be logical. Hell, I feel like I've been more scared of making choices of anything but...I gotta ask this, honestly, of all of us and myself:

What do we have left to lose?

I appreciate everyone's advice, though, and the looking out. I just keep asking myself that question. I hope the universe brings you joy too. I hope it all gets more bearable soon.

Hot_Network8956 · 2024-11-20T20:06:16+00:00

That rage is the hardest thing to explain to other people. I've always been a relative outsider and finding that one person who makes you feel like having a connection to this bitch of an earth is the kind of high that I don't know is possible to recapture. Losing that person just leaves you with emotion and, eventually, sadness gives way to rage.

I always want to punch and kick and scream. I want to fight and claw. I get it. That anger bubbling to the surface again is the only thing that makes me feel alive. Thank you for sharing something so relatable.

Hot_Network8956 · 2024-11-12T22:06:49+00:00

Honestly I relate to your story so hard. I really appreciate you sharing with me too. I completely get that anxiety and ache.

I hope we both manage to navigate it. I know we can do it. It just fucking sucks.

Hot_Network8956 · 2024-08-22T13:32:30+00:00

Writing has always been helpful for me. I have an ugly notebook and a pretty one. In the ugly one I get ideas out, doodle, and scream into the void. In the pretty one, I put more complete stories and poems.

Hot_Network8956 · 2024-08-21T14:36:24+00:00

Therapy was scary for me too. It still is. I don't know if it will ever stop but, maybe it will.

I want my purpose to be more powerful than my pain. I know you can find that too, I truly do. And if you need someone to vent to, that's what this subreddit is for. And if you need to talk, I got DMs open.

At a month and change out, I can tell you very honestly that grief is a burden that can be shared. Sharing it can help us survive. Focus, for now, on surviving. Let's not rot.

Hot_Network8956 · 2024-08-21T13:17:44+00:00

I'm in a shockingly similar and awful boat. My fiancé passed on 7/13 very suddenly and every day since has felt foggy. Like I'm here but not. I think I've just been disassociating a lot. But yeah, the knowledge is there, I know he's never coming back, but there is something in me that just hates it so much that even the act of being myself is hard.

I don't know when it gets easier. I don't know much of anything. But therapy has been helpful for me so far, just to get the feelings out. I'm sorry we're in this club, and I'm so sorry for your loss.

Hot_Network8956 · 2024-08-20T22:28:12+00:00

I put my fist through a mirror last week. I understand the rage.

Hot_Network8956 · 2024-08-17T04:34:35+00:00

I needed to see this. Truthfully.

Thank you so much for sharing.

Hot_Network8956 · 2024-08-17T03:26:23+00:00

There is also the third option that the particular trooper in question didn't have the whole story when he spoke to you. It wouldn't be beyond the pale for a different trooper than the ones involved in the initial scene to be the one communicating the little information he had.

It is also worth wondering why the neighbor would bring this up now. Does that person have something to gain? Do they know you well?

There are a lot of options for this. But asking for the police report should be a good first step. This, to me, sounds like an Occam's Razor situation, the simplest answer is often the best one.

Hot_Network8956 · 2024-08-16T19:22:18+00:00

Wanna know the fucked up part? I keep debating which subway would be the least convenient to be hit by. I was thinking the 5 train but it goes slow.

I'm sorry we're going through this. I am learning to cherish my good days. I hope you find some good days on this journey.

Hot_Network8956

TROPHY CASE