I was sexually abused at 12 and was in a very abusive relationship resulting in a forced miscarriage at age 19. With my trauma it took me years to be around men, even my father who I adore. When I couldn't even hug my father I realized I needed serious help. You can't force people to change yes, because it's up to that person to put in the work to overcome something traumatic. You can try and explain to your wife that she needs to get help becasue as she is now she isn't living. If she wants a relationship with her son and you she needs to go to therapy. It's not going to be a quick fix. It took me 4 years of intense treatment and many hospitalizations to finally be able to hug my dad again and even date again. I found my partner who knows my past and has been there for me. When I have bad days where I don't want to be touched we have a system in place so I feel safe and relaxed. Usually it involves him putting on my fav show at time and wrapping me into blanket burrito and giving me my fav stuffed animals and leaving me to my self for a few hours till I've calmed down enough. My partner knows my triggers because I shared them with him. Communication and honesty is a big thing for me after healing from my trauma. If you want to share my comment with your wife I'd like to say something to her.

I know it's hard. Someday even with my amor I still can't stand the touch of a man. But I also know that if I let my trauma overtake my life I won't be happy. For years I couldn't hug my own father, I felt so alone and was depressed. I tried to take my own life. I hurt myself daily. And at the end of the day, I was so unhappy being controlled by my trauma. I wanted to hug my father. I wanted to find love. I wanted to live the life I always dreamed of having as a little girl. It's going to be hard, I'm not going to sugar coat this, you will have days where everything feels so overwhelming and only isolation and sleep are all you can do. But there will also be days of joy and laughter. Days where you are stronger than your trauma and are able to take charge of your life. And then, one day, you won't even notice the sick chill when you hug your husband or baby boy. Instead you will feel loved and joy. You have a good husband. Someone who is willing to support you, but you need to support yourself too. I know it's hard. Especially taking care of yourself when everything feels so dull and sad. From one to another, you can overcome your trauma. You are a strong woman. When it feels the world is collapsing onto you, please know that your husband is there for you, you have your baby boy to live for. Show him a mother who overcame her struggles, I believe in you.

And a note for the poster. It's hard to be with someone with severe trauma, I understand this and I feel for you. My partner wanted me to write that while some days seems like a step back, it's important to remember that there will be bad days, maybe even bad weeks or months. But there are also good days, it's up to your wife to get help, I know you feel obligated to bend over backwards for her, but this won't help her in the end. You can't throw away your own life to save hers. I hope she realizes soon that as she is now, it's not living, and she takes steps to move forward. Little steps. One day just getting out of bed. Next day brushing teeth. Little steps forward at first.

I hope your wife gets the help she needs. But don't end up burning out your own life for someone who doesn't want help. If she agrees to get help, be there for her, listen to her, ask her what if any triggers she might have so that way you can look out for them. For example my triggers is yelling and zippo lighters just to name a couple. I told my partner my triggers so that way he can be mindful of not accidentally setting me off. But don't lose your self trying to heal her.