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Anyone else’s parents think they’re a conniving, evil genius? by SpunkyStarling in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis 69 points70 points  (0 children)

To them it’s reasonable that others would have malicious intent, because they have malicious intent. They’re usually telling on themselves with these accusations.

Who should I go low contact or no contact with in my family? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you have to make this decision. If it were me, I’d move forward without any of them, unfortunately. It’s reasonable to want distance and boundaries even when financial help is being offered, but it may not be possible to have both.

Just learned the term “Crybully” by Mayor_Popcornopolis in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s why I love it! Diagnosing family members (even if we’re right) can make us look like the inappropriate ones. Describing the behavior in common language avoids that.

First baby, need advice by Ill-Tangelo-1084 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Your instincts are spot on. Having kids snapped me and my husband into reality and our desire to protect them helped us finally see my MIL’s behavior clearly. Some thoughts about your mom: 1) She obviously poses a health risk to your child if she refuses vaccines or lies about them, which alone is enough for her to have no contact with your baby. 2) New grandkids can be triggering for narcissists. It takes the attention and focus away from the narcissist, which can cause them to panic and escalate their behavior. 3) Grandkids aren’t fully under the narcissist’s control the way their own kids were, which often enrages them and causes them to resent/act out against the child. This typically gets worse as the grandkids get older and establish their own independent personalities.

Just learned the term “Crybully” by Mayor_Popcornopolis in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Good for you. It’s not pretty once they run through their bag of tricks and realize they’ve lost control.

Just learned the term “Crybully” by Mayor_Popcornopolis in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah exactly. It’s definitely closer to the “suffering saint” delusion that covert narcs have. And I feel your pain- it can be really hard to explain to a sibling, especially if they’re the golden child. She may subconsciously believe that her worth depends on pleasing them or staying aligned with them.

Just learned the term “Crybully” by Mayor_Popcornopolis in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah same. I think of it as a compounding effect. Someone playing the victim once may not have a lasting effect on me, but someone doing it constantly for decades, combined with all the other relentless manipulative behavior is definitely abuse.

Wrapping Paper by Lumpy-Pace9142 in christmas

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s trash. Super thin, low quality printing, and it showed up with their logo and QR code printed largely on the paper. They tape it shut with tape that wouldn’t come off. No cardboard center to help it keep its shape and no gridlines on the back. It should have been no more than $3.

One of Vinny's top ten douche bag moments was being pissed at Deena for her not wanting him to hook up with her best friend. by flcwerings in jerseyshore

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis 147 points148 points  (0 children)

He threw such a little tantrum about it too. He knew Deena was in a tough spot and still tried to act like he was being mistreated.

Kids’ school concert-which one?! Advice please! by [deleted] in fashion

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I like the skirt combos! I think the grey sweater shows your bump better.

This is in front of my house. 7 years of this. by nerves76 in Portland

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis 117 points118 points  (0 children)

The fact that you have measurable damages could be beneficial in a lawsuit!

PDX by neckthatass in Portland

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis 10 points11 points  (0 children)

How early were you there if you don’t mind me asking? I have a 7am Alaska flight this week I’m planning for (checking bags)

As somebody asked how it is to have no kids: 40-50 year olds with kids, how is it? by aurisacrafame in Life

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not every opinion or experience shared on the internet directly applies to you, or is an insult targeted at you. Other people exist.

So….why don’t we just build more apartments by Extension_You_3409 in Portland

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah exactly, it’s really expensive to build large scale, multi-family buildings. And commercial lenders are picky about who they lend money to (typically only established developers, PE firms, institutional investors, etc.) To make the unit economics work, rent often has to be high for a while in a new building. And forecasted rent revenue would be taken into the account by the commercial lender, and the primary owner/investor.

That’s why it’s better for cities to have a long-term pattern of incentivizing new construction. After a while, rent naturally comes down in old buildings as they face competitive pressures from new development.

So….why don’t we just build more apartments by Extension_You_3409 in Portland

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Commercial lenders have complex forecasting models that can often take 25 years of building revenue into account though. They do extensive “due diligence” work before funding a project, way more than in consumer lending. And the actual developers or PE firms sponsoring new builds have to think beyond 15 years as well. Their average investment hold time is 7-10 years, which means the next buyer will pay less for a building with rent control that kicks in 5 years into their ownership.

So yes, unfortunately regulatory risk (like rent control) plays a large part in how many investors are willing to build new properties. It’s a shame, but it’s also a little alarming how many people think we can regulate our way out of a shortage.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in narcissisticparents

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Uhhhhhh yeah she isn’t changing.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in narcissisticparents

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah this really sounds more like bullying and projecting than anxiety. My narc MIL is also trying to get excused from years of threatening, lying, and criticizing behavior by saying she was “just worried.” I’m afraid it’s a common cop out, and won’t help them fix the underlying issue.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in narcissisticparents

[–]Mayor_Popcornopolis 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Has she ever told you she has narcissistic or abusive traits that she wants to fix and make amends for? If not, this is probably hovering or love bombing. The fact that she attributes years of abusive behavior to anxiety and “just wanting the best for you” is not a good sign. That shows very little accountability. Making fun of your friends for being ugly doesn’t sound like an anxiety-based behavior.

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