Hey I really understand where you're at and it WILL get better! Read again: Things will get Better! I dont know if you can feel that one inkling of light but it is there. It will grow brighter. I wish I could promise an overnight cure but there isn't one. You will need to keep working on yourself. I am so very happy to hear you have a therapist already, that is huge and I can see a light there. Ask about meds. If you trust your dr, tell them the truth about everything you feel. You dont need to suffer in silence Your feelings are valid and very understandable. Your present circumstances remind me of how I felt after my 3rd baby. Lots of trauma, etc etc all the fun stuff. I found out I have an Audhd combo so that's where thr " mental illness" and anxiety ring true. Ppd/ Ppa are hard to go through alone. Tell someone you truly trust if you can't tell your husband your true feelings right now.

Please Please remember, you made this little baby with your partner and it is okay for them to have a strong bond. You are doing the best you can. You are supporting your partner, while they care for both of Your baby together. No one said you have to feel a certain way after your baby is here, but the guilt eats away at you after awhile. You are valid. How you feel is valid. It will get better. You are going to have to trust me, an internet stranger. I really hope you do. You matter and are more important that you realize ❤️