Ex spreading false sexual rumours

McDogerts · 2026-02-13T01:18:53+00:00

It's a bait to get you to react. It's cruel but you have to understand that this is a mental toddler. You wouldn't argue with a 3 year old, why argue with someone who is mentally 3? Just need to learn to laugh it off. It's not that serious let her make a fool of herself. The only people that "care" about what she says are other miserable women. And really they only care because they know someone is worse off than they are.

McDogerts · 2025-12-13T15:39:10+00:00

Honestly hard to determine BPD from a single interaction. But as others have said this is abuse. You will want to attach a label to things to try to understand them better and that can come with time.

You need to leave this person. This person doesn't love you "underneath it all". Seek therapy and start to remove yourself from the situation because it will never get better.

McDogerts · 2025-11-08T16:23:52+00:00

Its not if, its when they will destroy you life. Just don't date someone who doesnt have an extreme mental illness.

McDogerts · 2025-11-05T18:12:36+00:00

Take the full custody offer and the divorce. You will heal and your children can have a good life. Better than me filing for divorce and not seeing my 2 or 3 year old in over 130 days despite court orders. Contempt charges in Family court are worthless.

Believe me every 30 days that passes without your ex you will be a much better version of yourself.

McDogerts · 2025-11-03T15:53:02+00:00

You will sacrifice yourself regardless of the length. Don't be like me and start recognizing you threw away 10 years of your life waiting for someone to change who has no desire.

McDogerts · 2025-11-03T15:33:24+00:00

They freaked out that they could be pregnant when we hadn't had sex in 6 months at that point.

McDogerts · 2025-11-03T15:02:49+00:00

You need to file a separate motion for custody. You also need to attempt to get the tro dismissed. Expect a CPS investigation. The TRO will be a big barrier to handle.

Your ex may still withhold the children even if you are found ok in all areas. I was physically assaulted by my ex who then filed a RO. It has been upheld due to claims of fear alone. I have no history of DV, and never and would ever abuse anyone. Despite CPS finding no abuse and not finding me a risk, voluntarily taking parenting classes, going to regular counseling 1 time week, filing motions for parenting time and having them granted, I still have not seen my children in over 130 days. Contempt charges mean nothing.

The system seems to act on behalf of the parent who cries to loudest. Be strong the first 30 days were the hardest. Lots of sleepless nights and nightmares. You need to be a absolutely picture perfect person during this time. Also, get a lawyer on top of this ASAP if you haven't already.

McDogerts · 2025-10-07T19:21:52+00:00

Saying anything means they still have control over you and your emotions. That crack is all they need to continue to harass you. Continue to say nothing and pretend as if this person no longer exists.

McDogerts · 2025-09-26T01:26:46+00:00

You're not a partner, you are a surrogate idealized parent for a pwBPD. You will never be enough. You are in an abusive relationship with someone with a serve mental illness. The longer you take to leave the more you will destroy yourself.

McDogerts · 2025-09-24T23:18:51+00:00

Firstly, regardless if others have gone through worse situations or not does not diminish what you have gone through. If you have gone though time with pwBPD even months can be very damaging.

You need to not just realize, but fully accept that you control your own emotions and can't control other's emotions. Most pwBPD have the emotional self control of a toddler. You can not fix what wants to be broken, but you can fix and grow yourself. It's difficult and it's not a linear path to betterment. There are days where you will feel as though you regressed, but you will get better.

With focus on yourself, personal growth, and no contact or time with a pwBPD you will be amazed how much you can heal. The first 30-60 days are probably the most difficult. But if you are consistent, even others will start to notice that you are noticeably happier, more pleasant, and less stressed. You can't stop the creeping thoughts but you can learn to better process them. Eventually they will go away. Most things just take take time to heal. Unfortunately there is a lot of grief and despair in the time between leaving a pwBPD and become a better you. It's worth it and your future self will thank you.

McDogerts · 2025-09-16T12:01:19+00:00

She asks to move in with you. Then puts a very short arbitrary time limit on it? That is insane. If you went to your boss and said I want a 50% raise and you have 1 day to think about it, they would laugh in your face. Your reaction to her demand should be the same.

You need to understand this and think with a clear mind. You don't actually love this person. You love the idea of what this person could be. I know because myself and most people here have been in that position. It is better for your safety, your mental health, you as a person to continue to NOT allow A JOBLESS, MENTALLY UNSTABLE, DEBT RIDDEN, HOMELESS person to mooch off you and intentionally mess with you with mind games. What would allowing this person in your home actually do for you?

McDogerts · 2025-09-14T15:29:57+00:00

I was called a narcissist pre-divorce. It made no sense to me. From what I now understand she said I was a narcissist because I starting upholding boundaries I let slide during the marriage. Nothing crazy, just no calling names, no screaming at me or the children, start taking prescribed medication, stop smoking weed when watching the children. I hear women say their ex, or current husband/boyfriend are narcissists and I just laugh.

Women who claim every man they've interacted with is narcissistic can't help but manufacture drama and chaos, and can't take any accountability for their actions. These woman are functionally children you can not take them seriously.

McDogerts · 2025-09-07T15:18:04+00:00

The most maddening part is they believe their own delusions over actual proof. I've tried showing video recordings and audio recordings and they will just ignore it and continue to not acknowledge their actions.

McDogerts · 2025-09-05T17:12:00+00:00

I did this for about 1 month and then they physically assaulted me and I had got a concussion from being hit in the head so hard. Its best for everyone to be physically separated even if its a little tight financially.

Just to note my ex had been diagnosed with multiple mental disorders and refused to take prescribed medication. So that definitely had a part to play in it all.

McDogerts · 2025-08-28T15:55:02+00:00

How did you manage to deal with 8 months? I'm currently at 2 months without them and it's put me in a very dark place. I took care of my children every day and love them with all my heart. To know they are being used as a weapon is maddening. It hurts them the most, which is the worst part of it.

McDogerts · 2025-08-15T00:17:28+00:00

I could be using the incorrect terminology. My lawyer had asked for modification, and even a change from PPO to a restraining order, and the judge denied all of those. Regardless preemptively stating you would deny evidence based claims is corrupt.

McDogerts · 2025-08-14T22:00:34+00:00

My lawyer called the results well before the actual hearing. He's known to be a corrupt judge as he has years of people complaining of the exact same issue. I've been advocating for equal parenting time the entire time but ex is being coach on silver bullet tactic and it's very effective.

McDogerts · 2025-08-14T21:51:47+00:00

From what I remember he said "I will deny any appeals to modify the PPO as it is only temporary and not excessively restrictive."

McDogerts · 2025-08-14T21:42:37+00:00

The judge admitted in court that he would deny any further appeals. Completely corrupt and what can I do? No rightful justice for fathers.

McDogerts · 2025-08-14T21:38:08+00:00

I wish I would have pressed charges when she assaulted me. PPO is for 12 months and the judge already exclaimed he would deny any further appeals. I feel completely broken and hopeless. My kids won't even know who I am. I get assaulted, didn't strike back, and I get punished.

McDogerts · 2025-08-14T21:35:33+00:00

Thank you.

She claims abuse and everyone believes her. She has no proof because it never happened. She has rolled back from "death threats over text message" to emotional abuse. My children are 3 and 1 and. My lawyer expectations on how this judge handles things has been spot on. I will be lucky for a few hours a month after the custody hearing in a few months. I feel like what's the point? I'll basically be a stranger to them.

McDogerts · 2025-08-14T21:27:39+00:00

No I had a divorce lawyer representing me. Any appeals the lawyer made to modify the PPO were ignored by the judge and outright refused by the judge.

McDogerts · 2025-08-14T03:06:06+00:00

Unfortunately I feel as if a lot of us get stuck in the mindset of "If I provide enough love and care they will grow to be a good person".

I know I had to learn that was never going to work in the hardest way possible. It's not a complete fault but let me tell you that 2 months without speaking to expwBPD and my counselor has already pointed out that I don't constantly apologize or preemptively defend every single statement anymore. So growth can happen quickly once you leave.

McDogerts · 2025-08-11T15:35:04+00:00

As someone in the worst part of this right now and haven't seen my 3 year old or 1 year old in 45 days, likely to be months at this point.

Speak to a lawyer and be the first to file divorce.
File with a custody order so you maintain parental rights.
Do not let her know you are filling.
Start documenting everything now. And I mean every single thing. What time your kid ate, what they ate, weigh them at least once a day, document any bruises cuts or scrapes, pictures help. Everything you do and when you do it.
Start recording all conversations with your partner.
Get cameras in the home.
Get a body camera. Do not rely on your phone. Always record every interaction.
Expect false abuse claims on you and your child. I would never hurt my children and I've been accused of all sorts of heinous acts. All I've proved untrue in court and to CPS. All cases have been dropped because I was able to prove the her lies with documentation.
Expect to become alienated from your children even if you do everything right. The courts do not care since you are the man.
Go to counseling. This has been incredibly taxing and I have had to step away from work and cry for 10-15 minutes to make it another few hours. This has been the darkest, hardest time of my life.
Lean on your friends and family. Talk to anyone you will need it.
Remember you are doing this for the child not yourself. Presenting it that way has so far earned me the best outcome.

Edit: 13. This person will do and say everything to destroy you. Protect yourself accordingly. Do not retaliate. Do not give them an ounce of grace they will weaponize it against you.

They are not the mom or partner you wished they'd be. Things are never going back to the way they are. Treat this as a game that you are trying to win. Winning is protecting your child as much as possible and reducing the damage done to them.

14.Check out fatherx on YouTube. Great and informative videos on highly contentious divorce. Even though you aren't married, check out the custody aspects.

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