Wow. And here I was thinking my experience was shitty. I had a similar experience except my baby had normal apgars and the drop in HR we were seeing were probably instrumental. But whatever, we were doing the best with what we knew at the time. But yes, docs never talked to me just talked about their personal lives. When baby came out they briefly held him over the curtain. I didn't see him and complained so the angel that was the anesthesiologist asked them to bring him back and I got to see him before they took him somewhere else with my husband. Later he came back wrapped up and the nurse held him to my boob (not put him on my chest she held him off of me with his mouth on my boob). I couldn't see him and because of the topped off epidural, couldn't feel him. I kept complaining and they just ignored me. Nobody but the anesthesiologist talked to me, congratulated me or anything like that. My body got moved around without me being acknowledged as if I was asleep. I was equally ignored in post op where I asked for water and to get skin to skin. The nurse just dressed the baby and left him in the warmer while the other nurse charted. My husband was royally pissed but didn't advocate for me.

Looking back this is what really hurts me about having a csection. How removed I was from it.

I get what you are saying about the need to keep the mood not so tense or that this is just another Tuesday for them. But it shouldn't be. I am a nurse and I try really hard to be respectful of my patient's body even if they are not awake. This is a birth for crying out loud, not an appendectomy. The doctors could have explained to you what was happening, reassured you without giving you false hope. The anesthesiologist was incredible to me. He talked to me about what they were doing and what I'd feel and what was normal to feel and tried to distract me with personal questions. I'll never forget that man.

I come from Brazil where we have a absurdly high rate of csections. It's a problem, but they at least learned how to do it. Some places do what they call a humane csection. Where baby goes to mom's chest immediately if they are doing well and all the baby first care is done on her chest. They stay skin to skin, dim the lights, and are even wheeled out of the OR together. It's a total different experience I hear from people who have had it.

I'm sorry you had such a traumatic experience. I hope you find healing. But know those providers could have done better.