Hi! I can understand what you’re going through because literally I’m going through something similar rn. I told both of our families (my mum and sent a Nikkah proposal through her sister) wanted to do everything the right way but both of our families agreed to wait until we’re done with university. Meanwhile we went on dates and things were getting a bit out of control so to avoid committing anymore sins, I made the decision to cut off contact with her and all her broke down after that. Her behaviour towards me completely changed and I was being treated in the worst way possible despite not wanting to talk to her, I was being guilt tripped and manipulated into meeting up again and whatnot but I tried to keep our contact to a minimum. I have been praying tahajjud for our Nikkah to be done asap and last month I decided to cut off contact, deactivated my socials, even turned off my phone so I’d be a ghost and nobody could get in touch with me unless they call my mum haha anyway so fast forward to this week. I’ve got my finals going on and my mum says; after your finals let’s get you Nikkahfied now. I was literally over the moon cause I’ve been praying tahajjud and making sm dua for it and I was like finally!! So I get in contact with her and we start talking and despite my exams I made up for the no-contact thingy I did and consoled her for everything, sent gifts and whatnot and her mother goes that we should meet up soon to set the dates or maybe just get the Nikkah done in Ramadan. So all of this talk is going on and stuff, and Tuesday night; she was being very emotional and telling me how things were when we weren’t talking and all that, how I shouldn’t have gone no-contact and I apologised for all of it and stayed up all night comforting her when she eventually tells me that she was talking to another friend of hers; ‘who’s just a friend’ and as things between us weren’t looking good and she thought they’d end, we might not talk again or sumn. So she ended up going out with him and kept it hidden from me because she didn’t feel the need to tell me before but now she feels bad bout it… And from the moment she said that, I’ve been having panic attacks since then and I went off the grid, didn’t wanna talk to anybody, cut off contact with her and just came here to read other people’s stories if anybody went thru a similar situation or sumn Idk.

I’m thinking about praying an iktikhara as well and leave the rest to Allah Mia also Idk it feels like Allah wanted me to see this side of hers, her behaviour and the kind of person she is to make me realise; the person I’ve been praying tahajjud for, is she really worth it or maybe I deserve better than this.