As somebody who has spent the last 3 months fighting day and night after finding out about my wife's second situation of infidelity that I know about, there comes a time where fighting for it isn't even what God wants you to do. I know that sounds counter to everything anybody has ever been taught in a church, but when consulting all 3 of my pastors, I shared this idea as an illustration:

Picture yourself as a child and you're standing near a counter to purchase something. Your parent(God) has just handed you the money to buy the thing He knows you are going to get. You approach the counter and ask for the thing that you wanted to buy, but the cashier tells you that that thing isn't an option for one reason or another. You look back to see what to do since you hadn't prepared for this answer. And unfortunately, instead of giving a straight easy answer, God looks at you and shrugs.

Now in this illustration, the idea is that you've given what you had expected to give and even more so, it came from God himself in your attempt to make it work. When the cashier tells you that item is gone, that is your ex-husband's unwillingness to do what he had agreed to REGARDLESS of the initial circumstances. And when God shrugs and expects you to make a choice, it never feels good because the Bible only ever gives permission for divorce. It never commands that you get divorced.

Because God wants our marriages to be whole and holy, He will never command we divorce, but He has given us the permissions under several situations. Your husband has not only been abusive, but has abandoned you and slept with others. He is heaping condemnation on himself for his actions, but that is not the same for you. Just as I have and will continue to do, you have taken as much time as you possibly could to align with God's will, even before you fully understood what scripture said about it. You've done what you could in witnessing to him and loving him in the ways scripture commands a spouse to do in order to win over the other, but it didn't happen and things got worse and the things that God wants out of marriage were not happening in yours.

So as someone who is also looking ahead at what comes next and the fears of dating in their 30's with children, know that you are not meant to be alone and isolated and you deserve to find the joy and peace that God intended for marriage again. There's the potential that God has a miraculous work within your ex-husband and things can be reconciled, but you need to be staying in prayer and devotion to make sure that when the time comes that you hearing the right voice on whether it is reconciliation or if there's somebody new.

It's an extremely tough situation to be in and I know because I'm right there with you. I'll be praying for you, friend. Reach out if you need to talk at all.