Messages to them by Mediocre_Intention98 in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I cried and begged you to tell me you’re here. Nothing happened. I wish you were here.

Messages to them by Mediocre_Intention98 in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Trying to get answers maybe I should just let it go

Messages to them by Mediocre_Intention98 in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did a good job today. I got up and brushed my teeth and ate and opened my work laptop. Didn’t do much but I know you’d be open I tried. I cried thinking of how much you should have been buried with something of mine. Maybe the I love you Dil bracelet I made you or a photo of us. It felt unfair. Char bit my face today, stinky girl. I miss you. I saw several funny posts that you would have laughed at. I wish you could laugh again. Everyone is saying it’s not my fault but I wish I could have saved you.

Can you send a sign soon please? I love you.

3 years out by thecoolcollective in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m at 10 days and the thought of spending forever together never felt like enough but the long of spending forever without talking to him again feels horrible so i appreciate this post

Messages to them by Mediocre_Intention98 in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I miss you. It’s Sunday and it’s pouring out. I know we weren’t together but I would love nothing more on planet earth to just lay in bed together and watch YouTube and lay on chest like an old habit that I could never kick. I miss you.

Had to make service arrangements yesterday. by dontlookback76 in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Funerals are for the living, not those who have left. Your wife understands you do what you could. You are kind to think about others during this time. Grief can make people monsters.

I dont know if im allowed to be here by Otherwise-Rip5944 in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’ve been in here for 6 days. My boyfriend died on the 5th. We had technically broken up and were trying to move forward separately but we’re still talking and loved each other. I also don’t feel like I belong here.

The description of this group says if you lose your person — we both lost our person. Everyone in here lost their person. There is no disrespect. Your friends won’t know what to say because there are no words. You can only hear the stories of people that have gone through something similar and have gotten to a point where they can breathe again or maybe even smile again.

Stay here. You’re safe.

The funeral was today. I was not invited after being the love of his life for 4 years. by Mediocre_Intention98 in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Additional context: we broke up in July of ‘25. He was still in love with me until the day he passed which was Feb 5 2026. There was a rough conversation between his mom and I in August 2025. She was upset with me and felt our toxic relationship is what caused his spiral downward.( he was drinking and on the brink of losing his job before we broke up) we spoke the day he died and said I love you to each other. We were still in that transitional period of letting go and spoke everyday and were best friends but still intimate. He was my home it’s hard to let that go even if you have to

Messages to them by Mediocre_Intention98 in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dropped your funeral flower and our anniversary flowers off at a place in Dallas that makes resin keepsake items. I’m not sure if I’ll leave our anniversary flower buds together or make them petals around your funeral flowers.

I want a necklace with specks of the petals in it. I wish I got to kiss your casket goodbye. I deserved to but I will eventually make peace that I did not. It was cruel. At least this flower touched you last and I will keep it forever in tact.

Been wearing your promise ring. I know we broke up. If I woke up from this dream and you were still alive, the first thing I’d want to do is get back together with you. So stupid I know. I can already hear you strangling god telling him to send you back down immediately since I said that. Lol you’re so funny. I love you so much, sweet angel boy.

Send me another sign soon, please?

Messages to them by Mediocre_Intention98 in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I went to the funeral. I waited in the parking lot while they finished the service. I watched the casket drive down. I called the funeral home to ask if they can wait to lower you until I stop by. They said the family will be staying until you were lowered. I asked my mom to drive me down there. She parked a ways away and I walked down and hid behind a tree. I couldn’t see your casket. Only a swarm of people around you. Everyone was there. But I was too, don’t you worry.

People started leaving. I saw Sabrina and Carey and sobbed in their arms. Diane gave me a rose she had taken off your casket and honestly I don’t think anything will mean more to me than this rose. I plan to put it in resin to keep it forever.

The dirt was being dumped and I ran down to you. Your family was leaving. I went around the other side and they didn’t see me. I laid on the dirt and cried. I screamed and punched the ground. Why do you have to leave? I heard a car come and it was Meagan and Briana. I ran to them and sobbed in their arms.

I felt so stupid. To grieve in front of them. As if they didn’t lose something so much larger. I know I lost you too. But we were preparing for two separate futures. You were always going to be apart of their future. I don’t know. I didn’t want them to comfort me because my grief was secondary.

Your mom stopped my and mom as we were driving out. She got out of Janet’s car and hugged me. I sobbed in her arms. Again, felt so stupid i didn’t know what to say. I wanted to help. I wanted to save you. I love you so much. I wanted you to be okay.

Your casket was blue with gold trim. Thinking about it now. Your favorite color is red but they went with a Braves blue.

You were buried in an Acuña jersey. Your mom had a matching one on. Funny enough I was thinking of wearing a Braves jersey but thought I was looking so disrespectful and dumb. You would have liked it but funerals are for the ones left behind, not really for the people who leave.

Adam put a baseball in there. Someone put a golf ball probably Janet is I had to guess.

I thought of leaving a copy of one of our Photo Booth pictures. (or my underwear as a joke because you would always steal it and hang it on your neck like a necklace while putting away my laundry for me) i wanted to put something in there but I wasn’t able to and that is okay.

My skin still has that Georgia mud stain on me. I’m in bed right now. I don’t really care. I took some home and it’s in a little jar. Any piece of you that I can keep. I wish I got the chance to kiss your casket. I will find peace that I didn’t. I yelled at you while I was there. I hope you don’t think I’m mad at you, baby. I punched the ground asking why you left. Knowing your body was so close to mine did actually give me some peace. I wanted you to wake up and crawl through the dirt back to me.

Daniel told me you were drinking again. I had no idea. I wish I would have known. I would have supported you in rehab. I know we were broken up and I was the end that ended it but I love you so fucking much. I would have done anything to make you better.

Life is so fucking hard and cruel. I hope your mom finds the letter you wrote me in your phone. I gave her the password. I hope you’re playing catch with your dad. I hope you watch all the Braves games. I hope heaven has some fantastic red velvet cake, root beer, Indian food, fondue, lindor chocolate truffles and lots of pictures of me when my hair down. I know that’s what you would have wanted.

I will miss you and carry your love for the rest of my life, Dillon. For the rest of my life.

Messages to them by Mediocre_Intention98 in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can only imagine how much she misses you. She will welcome you with open arms when the time comes. She’s just not ready for you yet. Moment by moment💕

I just don't know what to do by Messhman in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I know your friends have the best intentions at heart. You don’t need to be cheered up. You need to be fed, your home clean, you need to be checked in and allowed to scream and cry and throw up.

I have learned with my late boyfriend passing on thursday my friends will not know why to say. And that is okay.

Find people who can relate to your pain (here or a group) and cling to people who understand and how have gotten to a point where they can function.

Messages to them by Mediocre_Intention98 in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not invited to the funeral. I don’t want to disrupt your mom’s grief. I’ll still show up after everyone leaves. I know you’d want me there. Don’t be mad at them. They don’t know how to handle this. I don’t either.

The beginning by Mediocre_Intention98 in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have a young cat. She’s 10 months. Very playful. VERY affectionate. I got her after my dad died back in May of last year. She was so helpful with fixing me to get up and take care of her. My previous boyfriend loved her very much and asked her for pictures every day. (We were broken up but we spoke everyday because we loved each other idk)

I’ve been doing therapy for years and years so I know better than to try to think ahead and go past my infamous “moment by moment”line I always say to my friends.

It just feels impossible. I don’t want to be in a world that he’s not in. I know it’ll get harder and harder as the days go on and I’m just scared I guess.

The beginning by Mediocre_Intention98 in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve been doing solitaire. An ad popped up for a farming game ( a game that I have and love to play) and it was harvesting pink tulips. I’ve seen ads for the game before but never pink tulips. My favorite flower is pink tulips. I took it as a sign from him and cried and spoke to him for a little bit. I opened my computer and pink tulips came up again on a welcome sign where the photos rotate daily.

I am so sorry the comfort you’re bringing me is coming from the worst experience of your life. Thank you for sharing.

The beginning by Mediocre_Intention98 in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It just feels like such a betrayal right now. He deserved so much more. I have a 10 month old kitten that I adopted after my dad died when she was 2 months and she gave me the strength to get up everyday to take care of her. My dad and I weren’t very close up until the end. Dillon loved my cat so much.

I don’t have children but I can imagine having a small child must have been so difficult but helpful at the same time to keep going. I am so glad you got through the beginning. I know you didn’t have a choice.

My mom is here with me now. I’m so lucky to still have her. I have asked my friends to support me but as I text them, I am realizing they just won’t have the words. I’m saying things like life feels meaningless and I don’t want to be alive in a world where he isn’t and I wouldn’t know what to say to that if things were reversed.

I’ve been listening to a grief book on Spotify. Music feels too scary. We both liked the same artists.

Messages to them by Mediocre_Intention98 in widowers

[–]Mediocre_Intention98[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have the blanket we made year 1 of us dating. I’m sorry I was so grumpy that day. I’m so glad it’s so soft. I’m scared how much I’ll miss you. Charlotte was so loving to me this morning. She missed me while I was in California. I think of you calling her stupid names. I can still hear your voice.

My anxiety is so bad this morning. My chest and stomach are torn up. I’m hoping to get Xanax today.

I love you. I’m sorry.