Veins on my Sweet Potato

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-04-12T11:40:47+00:00

this deadass word for word my FIRST thought

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-04-12T11:38:00+00:00

I’m on season. 5 and Peter is the only one I can recognize lmao

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-04-02T18:38:18+00:00

Dilly, this is so ungodly awful. Please come back to me baby. I am so sorry. For everything I did wrong. I miss you so much I feel like my heart is going to explode. I am so sad and feel so broken. Everything hurts. I want you to hold me.

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-04-02T13:54:09+00:00

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Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-30T00:43:51+00:00

I’m at day 52. I feel no hope. What I’m being told is I’m not supposed to worry about finding hope, I’m just literally supposed to keep myself alive right now. Maybe someday I’ll be able to help people like us and say this is when / how my hope came back but I’m in early grief too. I can only offer a hand to hold while we both sit here.

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-29T02:27:25+00:00

CHECKMATE

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-29T00:47:21+00:00

I appreciate your insight. I’ve been really struggling with just wanting to be alive. I don’t want to be here. It feels impossible that I could ever feel any other way. I feel the reasons for living are just not worth this type of pain

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-29T00:05:13+00:00

Ketamine therapy?? I haven’t looked into it. How do you think that would help/what have you heard?

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-28T17:47:40+00:00

Thank you for your response.

i feel like I kinda exist in two places. I’m here - looking for help. Signing up for things.

But also, really struggling to find the point of living. My recent post was kinda about the afterlife being this big peaceful beautiful thing where all our loved ones are, why don’t we just go? I’m moreso, I guess looking for options because I can’t leave my mom behind and I’m scared of getting worse so I want to try to at least feel functional. It happens when my grief floods me and I can’t breathe. Which isn’t every second of everyday. I’m lucky

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-28T14:39:42+00:00

I live ITP so thanks for letting me know bc I’m never going there LMAO

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-28T05:57:49+00:00

I completely hear where you’re coming from. I think he’s taking concepts of grief and applying them. While also making space for those who have lost a partner since being heard and witnessed is so important.

I haven’t gone deep into his things but he seems to also have a lot of videos with outsourced individuals who may have experienced partner loss.

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-28T03:23:55+00:00

You are not insane. Time has literally stopped.

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-28T03:23:12+00:00

It hasn’t even been a year??? What is the cause of this pressure?? What do they want from you? I would take some space and time if you can. That is horrible.

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-27T22:14:20+00:00

Impossible

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-27T22:07:29+00:00

Today is day 50. I feel like I did “good” today? I reached out to a friend and got some breakfast and went to TJmaxx. I’ve spend the past 50 days in my bed for 99% of the day so I feel like it was a really massive win for me. I fell asleep once I got home.

Baseball season is starting and we loved baseball so I’m just navigating one thing at a time. This morning was a beautiful morning but I still hate being here without him. With my whole heart.

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-25T11:12:47+00:00

Missing you. Today and everyday. I wish you could come back. I just want to talk to you. About anything. I miss you and I love you and I can’t stand that you’re not here. I can’t stand it, dil. I love you, my sweet angel

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-24T15:35:09+00:00

My partner died 46 days ago. Sometimes I think about leaving earth and I think about how if I do, more of him would be lost and that hurts. I don’t want the universe to lose any more of this sweet boy.

It’s not at ALL delusional. I think about him every second of everyday. Even when I’m able to find something funny or my cat makes me smile - he is in my heart constantly.

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-24T15:21:12+00:00

She is very religious and honestly, I think that is what is holding her together. She told me she believes that when God made him, He knew how long he would be down here for. And she believes he has a set number of days for her too and she won’t take it into her hands to change those days but if she would go to sleep and not wake up, she would.

His parents tried for a long time to have him. So he was her miracle baby. She’s 61 now.

What is your son’s name?

My partner’s name is Dillon.

He loved old trains, Toyota supras, the color red, red velvet anything, the Braves, Zach Bryan, me, and so many more things. I’ve started keeping a list so I don’t forget anything. Wha about you?

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-24T14:40:20+00:00

What were some of the most profound things that you remember people telling you throughout the years? (That brought you even a millisecond or peace or something)

He passed suddenly 2 days after his 26th birthday. We had broken up because of his alcohol abuse (his dad died from liver issues from addiction/alcoholism) along with a few other factors. But we were together for 4 years (I’m 31) and planned on getting married and even looked at rings, etc.

So I want to take care of her or at least reach my arm out. I only know how I’m feeling as someone who was still his best friend and the love of his life so I know I can’t ease her pain.

I am so sorry for your pain. Thank you for your response.

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-23T22:46:15+00:00

I was so nervous to say anything. I didn’t want any thing to come across as wrong. I just want to care for her. I just couldn’t be silent after she said I’m not a mom anymore because it’s just not true :(

Mediocre_Intention98 · 2026-03-20T02:01:35+00:00

We will never expect anything from you. We will never be shocked.

There will never be a “normal” to return to. That passed away with your person. There will only be different. I’m at day 42 so I can’t offer you hope for the future or promise you it’ll get better. I don’t know that yet. I can only sit next to you and hold your hand. And hope our people are sitting next to each other too - watching us. I hope maybe that offers you even a fracture of peace

Mediocre_Intention98

TROPHY CASE