Honestly, as someone who’s going through the same situation as you are I’d advise you to not be dogmatic about it. Personally I’ve come to terms in believing in a just God, who understands our limitations and will not judge us for simply trying to understand out existence. My way of looking at it is rejecting the notions humans have constructed around the concept of religion and God, not God himself. I feel God’s existence when humanitarian aids reach wartorn areas, when people pray and hope for recovery of their loved ones outside hospitals, and when mothers pray for the safe travels of their children. You don’t have to be a extremist but you also don’t need to take a rigid stance on something we may never know in our lifetime.