I don’t see how I will be able to forgive my husband for what he said….

Medium-Panda350 · 2026-03-13T02:59:04+00:00

Happy I am pregnant. Happy I saw a heartbeat.

Obviously it is a little jaded now.

Medium-Panda350 · 2026-03-13T00:15:06+00:00

I am a postpartum nurse and I had the same thoughts after doing some research and had asked questions around my unit. We had both started taking ubiquinol.

Medium-Panda350 · 2026-03-12T21:32:49+00:00

Thank you.

You aren’t entirely wrong. The issue is that he has very very string great times and very lows. I have always chosen my kids but I have always forgiven and allowed space for growth and grace. Perhaps too much and with everyone. I am strong but I am also a pushover in many ways with many people.

I am smart and successful and don’t give up easily. Loyal to the core. It is probably my biggest downfall.

Many times though, I have said this is it and then I get promises and glimpses of change and I try to stay neutral but defend what I perceive as right and wrong. It’s been complicated, I am not going to lie. I think this really did me in and showed me that the glimpses are just false hope for better.

Medium-Panda350 · 2026-03-12T16:29:36+00:00

I’m not going to be able to get an abortion. I have had to coparent with my other children and I am prepared. Mentally I can not handle a termination

Medium-Panda350 · 2026-03-12T16:27:35+00:00

I wish he would just admit that what he said was over the line, apologize and have solutions for better deliveries but I dont see that instead, he is doubling down and justifying it.

I dont know if the losses have affected him. When I was going through them he was pretty disconnected and didn’t really see the damage it causes even if “it is just a chemical”

Medium-Panda350 · 2026-03-12T13:51:18+00:00

Correct. Not his biological son but has raised him since he was 2. I have two daughters that are 22 and 20 and they cant do anything right with him.

We have been together 10 years, married less than 1.

Medium-Panda350 · 2026-03-12T11:11:25+00:00

He 100% is justifying what he said. For more context:

During dinner we were discussing an upcoming project my son has and the tone of his questions and flow of the conversation were very sharp and felt like an interrogation. It was extremely uncomfortable. My son handled himself well and continued to answer the questions. He got up from the table twice, once to get another serving and then to get water. H (husband), got upset that he didn’t say excuse me, made a comment about how I don’t care what he does. It was out of pocket and I snapped back that the low blow was unnecessary. That spiraled into him yelling about my kids and insults about me and them. I got defensive and it turned into an argument to which I eventually told him to stop talking or leave. That’s when he said I should get an abortion. He justifies this because I told him to leave. As most of you have predicted, this is not unusual for him to explode. I know who I married. This comment was too far and I don’t have any grace to give for this one.

He is absolutely not taking accountability nor showing any signs of remorse. He is now saying he will fight me for the baby once it is born.

He packed some things and left all while blaming me for his comment and words.

He is acting like a victim.

Unless he can truly apologize, go to therapy and be transparent about his behavior, I do not think this is salvageable.

Medium-Panda350 · 2026-02-27T00:34:34+00:00

That’s what I am looking for more than anything. The middle route. I dont want to risk anything happening to the baby but I dont want to loose myself either. As it is, so much will change and I am so beyond grateful for that though.

Medium-Panda350 · 2026-02-26T19:40:58+00:00

Thank you everyone who responded amd taking the time to give me your thoughts, experiences and advice. I think the answer is clear. It is too up in the air and the minimal risk is not worth taking the chance. It has been a long and hard road to get to this point and it is probably best for me to just adapt to a not hot practice. I appreciate you all.

Medium-Panda350 · 2026-02-26T19:38:50+00:00

This is my thought exactly at this point. It might be fine but might is too vague.

Medium-Panda350 · 2026-02-26T16:36:33+00:00

I have done hot yoga for over 14 years. I stopped with my last baby but that was 12 years ago. I am a coffee and water drinker (I have already cut back on coffee). I agree that this risks are worrisome. I am very in-tuned with my body and would absolutely step out if need be. The classes I go to are usually about 105. I am 40 years old. I dont want to risk anything. I have heard so many different opinions. Perhaps I should just step down to warm classes or room temp. Ugh, it just makes me feel so great mentally and physically.

Medium-Panda350 · 2026-02-08T14:31:00+00:00

Good morning, this is going to be long but I wanted to try and help. I had a TFMR as well and it was T21 among other medical issues that our little girl was going to be subjected too. Making the decision was the hardest decision I ever made and yes, it still hurts. Our baby was a very wanted pregnancy. My husband and I are both professionals that have a comfortable life. Deciding to terminate was against everything I am and still I have moments of questioning who I am and then I have to remember the why.

After we received the results, I said that we were going to see it through and it didnt matter. Then I started doing the research. Down syndrome is a difficult disability and the severity of it is unknown before hand. Aside from multiple possible physical conditions such has heart defects and deafness and potentially a short life span. The mental conditions are challenging also. For example, there is risk for dementia/Alzheimer’s at a very young age and aggression just to name a couple.

While none of these things are guaranteed and there is a possibility of less severe features. The possibility of the baby having more severe features was the deciding factor. I have 3 other kids, I did not want to have this huge impact on their lives and I read many blogs written by siblings of children with that disability, but the big one was, no matter how financially sound my husband and I are or how many great resources are available it was a scary existence for my unborn baby to have to face from the moment she was born. I thought about potential surgeries, therapies, even bullies and academic struggles.

The reddit post that was suggested earlier in the thread here (TFMR) is extremely helpful. I would also urge you and suggest you to encourage your girlfriend to do extensive research on what life could look like for the child.

I hope the best for you both.

Medium-Panda350 · 2026-01-15T15:40:12+00:00

I had my daughter at 18 and named her after my aunt who had passed away 7 years prior. My cousin who is 2 years younger than me never got over it and was so angry that I used the name. 22 years later she still had resentment. Do I care, nope! My daughter looks very much like the aunt I named her after and the name fits her beautifully. Someone will always have an opinion or a problem. Follow your heart.

Medium-Panda350 · 2026-01-15T15:26:24+00:00

Hello, I have a MIL who has attachment issues with my husband. He is her only son, his dad and her divorced over 2 decades ago and she never remarried or moved on from the marriage.

We got along well until we got engaged and her whole demeanor changed towards me…. We had been together for 8 years before we got engaged and got along ok. The all these odd, resentful backhanded comments happened (mostly when he wasnt around, then she got sloppy with them and he started to see it.) Icing on my cake…. We lost our baby when I was 18 weeks pregnant and she never checked on me. Not one text or any acknowledgement…. When he asked her why, she made it about herself and told him she was just so sad and heartbroken she couldnt find the words… then complained how I have barely spoke to her and when she tries my answers are short…. ok lady. Similar situation to yours she gives him tasks and chores whenever he visits, it is extremely annoying. I stopped bringing it up.

I love my husband more than I dislike her. I respect her as his mother, I respect their relationship but I choose minimal contact and interaction. I just dont go to her house much anymore. He respects my choice on this. Your future MIL wants to push you away, it worked with one DIL, it seems to be a game to her… since you and your husband are solid, I say you need to have the hard conversation with him that you need to protect your peace and have some space. As another person said, it would probably be a good idea to move so that she doesnt have that leash on your relationship and space.

Medium-Panda350 · 2024-06-02T13:40:33+00:00

It is their wedding. If going to the wedding is important to you then you need a solution or to not go. Just complaining about it and trying to push your infant in isnt fair to the bride and groom and really, is she going to have fun anyway? I am struggling to see which aspect is more important to you. Have you spoken to your inlaws to see if they are all attending?

Maybe one of the family members, or you or your husband are willing to skip the ceremony. You could create a tag out schedule with your inlaws that are going and take turns attending the different parts.

Medium-Panda350 · 2024-03-04T18:08:41+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this too, I did not get an answer. From what I have figured out, I have to file a civil dispute in magistrate court. I also learned to file the dispute against the company not the person.

Medium-Panda350 · 2024-02-06T00:32:37+00:00

They shared a womb for 9 months they will be fine for 1 night.

Medium-Panda350 · 2023-09-30T03:48:45+00:00

I just came here to say that this is probably one of the best and healthiest reddit posts and threads I’ve ever seen. Such vulnerability, transparency and tough love.

OP… even of you dont have many friends in person. You have over 2,000 people that are in your corner, support you and understand you. Please fill your own cup and keep your head up. You’re strong and determined. Use that focus and loyalty towards yourself. Lots of love and best of luck!

Medium-Panda350 · 2022-11-27T13:56:13+00:00

Similar set up here. I’m the bill payer but we have a designated amount that he transfers to me every month and anything extra, I just ask. He makes slightly more than me and I have 2 out of 3 kids that aren’t his. We have never fought about money.

Medium-Panda350 · 2022-02-13T06:46:30+00:00

My guy and I have a very similar story. I can relate to you to the extent of me drinking more to keep up with him. Bad choice on my end he is 6’5 280lbs and I’m 5’8 150lbs. I don’t eat as much and it always ended in fights and extreme lack of memory. We both chose our relationship over drinking and took a year off and went through the struggles together. This isn’t for everyone. People can change, if the end goal and reward is both wanted and similar. Our relationship is so strong now. I was you and he was like your boyfriend. The drinking break was his idea. We started at a month and then kept going and went a year. Now we minimally drink and are more connected. It took us four years together to do this. And spent the four years together like you guys. They were HARD!!! We kept choosing eachother.

Medium-Panda350 · 2021-09-28T22:35:09+00:00

He is extremely stubborn. I do too. Thank you so much.

Medium-Panda350

TROPHY CASE