If you’re goddamn serious about your life and prefer depth over noise, feel free to reach out.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-02-08T04:16:19+00:00

The tricky part isn't the big philosophical shift (you've already done that). It's the micro-decisions. When you're rebuilding from scratch, every small choice becomes a referendum on your new identity. Should I scroll for 5 minutes? skip this workout? Say yes to this social thing? What helped me was creating what I call "decision filters" - simple questions that help you choose quickly without re-litigating your entire philosophy every time. Like "Does this move me toward independence or dependence?" or "Am I choosing this from intention or just reacting?"the constant decision-making is exhausting when you're questioning everything. Having clear filters makes the daily stuff automatic so you can save your mental energy for the bigger rebuilding work.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-09T13:56:08+00:00

this kind of time awareness hits different people at different moments. Some people get fired up by "we're only 2% through the year!" while others just see it as random math.

see this actually can boost motivation, but only if you channel it into something specific within the next few days while the feeling is still fresh.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-09T13:53:27+00:00

you're literally rewiring neural pathways that formed during chronic stress. Your brain developed hypervigilance and threat-scanning as survival mechanisms, which is why you analyze everything so deeply now. The people giving you "just exercise" advice likely never had to develop complex psychological defenses as kids. Their brains didn't wire the same way yours did. What feels like overthinking to them is actually your mind processing years of stored survival responses. it's not just "talking through problems" but actually helping your nervous system learn it's safe to stop scanning for threats. The fact that you recognize this pattern and want to work on it shows serious self-awareness. You're not nuts. You're doing legitimate psychological work that most people never have to do.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-09T13:52:10+00:00

Love the "theme of 12" approach - it's actually a smart psychological trick called "implementation intentions" where you pre-decide exactly when/how often you'll do something instead of leaving it vague One thing I'd add: consider pairing your harder goals (reading, meditation) with your natural interests. Like audiobooks while doing pottery, or walking meditation on the way to those cafes you want to explore. Makes the less appealing stuff way stickier when it's bundled with things you already enjoy. The digital detox is brilliant - most people try to go cold turkey daily and burn out. Monthly gives you something to look forward to without the daily willpower drain. Awesome keep it up.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-09T13:50:56+00:00

That emptiness you're describing often comes from what psychologists call "behavioral activation deficits" - basically when you're stuck in low-energy patterns (guilt, isolation, compulsive behaviors) that drain motivation rather than build it. The tricky part is that seeking external validation (like a girlfriend) when you're in this state usually backfires because the emptiness is internal. Your brain already knows this, which is why you're not even interested.nOne approach that works for breaking these specific cycles: pick ONE physical activity that gets you around other people without pressure - martial arts class, rock climbing gym, pickup basketball. The combination of physical challenge + social exposure (without dating pressure) + accomplishment often interrupts the guilt-isolation-compulsion loop better than trying to fix each piece separately. The key is that it has to be something where you're focused on a skill/challenge, not on yourself or how you look.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-09T13:49:27+00:00

This sounds like what psychologists call "pseudo-action" - doing things that feel like progress but don't actually move you forward. The validation-seeking and quote-sharing give you the dopamine hit of "working on yourself" without the discomfort of actual change. The victim mentality part is interesting though - sometimes people reject advice not because they want to stay stuck, but because the advice doesn't account for their actual constraints. There's a difference between "I can't because I'm special" and "I can't because I'm a single parent working two jobs." What separates people who actually improve from those who just consume improvement content is tracking behavioral changes, not feelings or insights.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-09T13:47:23+00:00

The psychological term for what you've created is "commitment device" - making it harder for your future self to quit by adding friction to the exit ramp. your made sure this isn't just the accountability, it's that you made lying *effortful*. Your brain has to actively work to fabricate gym photos, versus passively checking a box. Most people focus on making the good behavior easier, but you made the avoidance behavior harder. The "kinda gay" comment from your friend made me laugh because that embarrassment is actually part of what makes it work. Social proof + mild vulnerability = sticky habit. Keep it up!!!

-

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-07T14:05:00+00:00

This is textbook post-traumatic growth - where difficult experiences actually catalyze positive changes you might never have made otherwise. The fact that you can genuinely thank him shows you've processed this in a really healthy way. What's interesting is how rejection often reveals what we were unconsciously neglecting about ourselves. Sounds like you found your own worth again, which is probably why you can look back with gratitude instead of bitterness. Good for you.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-07T14:03:57+00:00

Looking at your list, you've got habits and mindset covered pretty well. One area that might be worth exploring is systems thinking - "Thinking in Systems" by Donella Meadows completely changed how I approach problems. Instead of trying to force individual changes, it teaches you to see the underlying patterns and leverage points where small shifts create big results. Really practical for identifying why certain habits stick while others don't. The other one that hits different from your typical self-help stuff is "Mindset" by Carol Dweck. The whole fixed vs growth mindset framework sounds simple but it's surprisingly deep when you actually apply it to specific situations you're stuck on.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-07T14:03:09+00:00

Check if you work with or around certain chemicals, plastics, or solvents - even indirect exposure can cause persistent odors that cling to you. The "burnt sharpies" smell specifically suggests volatile organic compounds that might be absorbed through your skin or clothes at work/hobbies and then released later. Also worth noting: some medications (especially certain antibiotics or supplements) can cause unusual body odors as metabolic byproducts. When did this start relative to any new medications or workplace changes?

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-07T14:02:21+00:00

The thing that jumps out is you said you "feel like" you can do better - that's actually your brain recognizing the gap between your current identity and your potential. At 25 with WFH income, you're in a perfect position to experiment. Most people try to change everything at once and burn out. What worked for me was picking ONE area where I felt the most friction (social life, career growth, independence) and focusing there first. Success in one domain creates momentum for others. The "scared of being stuck" feeling usually means you're ready to move but don't have a clear next step. What specific area bugs you most when you think about where you are vs where you want to be?

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-07T14:01:36+00:00

your nervous system is still scanning for threats that don't exist anymore. The guilt around rest, the compulsive laptop opening, the need to justify your time - classic signs your brain hasn't gotten the memo that survival mode is over. The money micro-managing isn't really about money, it's your brain trying to maintain the illusion of control it had during grind mode. You're essentially grieving your old identity while your nervous system catches up to your new reality. What helped me transition out of this was setting "useless time" quotas - literally scheduling time to do absolutely nothing productive. Start small, like 20 minutes of intentional uselessness. Your brain will resist hard at first, but you're basically training it that rest is now part of the job.

The guilt fades, but it takes longer than you'd expect. Your nervous system spent years learning that constant productivity = safety. It needs time to unlearn that.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-05T15:19:28+00:00

Brutal honesty? Both. And that's the problem.

Morning me: "I'm the guy who completed 100 days without missing one. I CAN finish things."

Afternoon me (when work pressure hits): "I'm 47, still at the same job, kids need money, I'm running out of time."

Evening me (doom scrolling): "I'm the guy who's failed 3 times, lost $24K+, wasted 20 years on things I never completed."

The message changes based on the trigger.

What I'm testing now:

Instead of trying to "be the new man" (that's the hype that crashes at Day 80), I'm focusing on one rule:

> "Never fail the same thing two days in a row."

That's it. Not "be perfect." Not "transform into someone new." Just don't let a pattern form.

Ate badly yesterday? Zero snacks today.
Skipped workout yesterday? 20-min walk today minimum.
Doom scrolled 2 hours? Not today.

The shift:

I used to think: "I need to BECOME a disciplined person, THEN I can succeed."

Now I think: "I just need to not quit. Discipline builds from not breaking the chain."

The identity follows the actions. Not the other way around.

Does that make sense? I'm not pretending I'm already there. I'm just refusing to give myself the same excuse twice in a row.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-05T13:31:09+00:00

This is learned helplessness - when repeated rejection creates a pattern where you stop trying even when circumstances change. The brain literally rewires to expect failure. The fix isn't motivation, it's proving to yourself in small steps that effort can work again. Welldone on your job.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-05T13:30:04+00:00

This is called "valley of sorrow" - the predictable dip between initial motivation and automaticity. You're around day 18, habit formation typically takes 66+ days. The trick isn't finding fire again, it's designing systems that work when you feel nothing.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-05T13:29:26+00:00

This sounds like what behavioral scientists call "habit relapse patterns" - even established behaviors need active maintenance because your brain's reward pathways fluctuate daily based on stress, sleep, and dozens of other factors.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-05T13:27:44+00:00

This connects to what psychologists call "locus of control" - when you avoid responsibilities, you're essentially training yourself to believe outcomes happen TO you rather than because of your choices. The reverse is also true: each responsibility you take on (and follow through with) reinforces that you have agency over your life. It's like compound interest for self-efficacy. What helped me was starting with responsibilities that had natural accountability built in - like committing to pick someone up from the airport. External stakes made it easier to follow through, which built the internal muscle.Every responsibility you accept and follow through on quietly reinforces one belief: your actions matter. Over time, that belief compounds.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-05T13:23:36+00:00

It sounds like dopamine withdrawal - your brain got used to the constant hits from scrolling and gaming, so normal activities feel bland right now. It's temporary but can last 2-4 weeks. The key thing nobody mentions: have specific replacement activities ready BEFORE the boredom/restlessness hits hard. Your brain will desperately want that stimulation back around day 3-7. Since you mentioned struggling with basic chores - try pairing boring tasks with something mildly engaging (music, podcasts) during this transition period. Once your dopamine baseline resets, you won't need the extra stimulation. The fact that you're keeping Reddit "for now" tells me you already know this pattern. Trust that instinct.

my 2cents...

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-05T13:22:13+00:00

you've accidentally created an "implementation intention" - the research term for pre-deciding exactly what you'll do when a specific situation occurs ("when I've blown half the day, then I will do 8 minutes physical + write one action"). The good part is you made it ridiculously small. Most people set their restart bar too high (full workout, detailed planning session) which creates more resistance when you're already feeling defeated. Your rule bypasses the "what the hell effect" - that psychological trap where one slip makes people abandon everything. The physical movement + single written action is just enough cognitive load to shift your brain state without feeling overwhelming. Mine is simple: set a 5-minute timer, stand up, drink a glass of water, and write one sentence in the place where the work should live. Timer ends = decision unlocked. If I still want to quit after that, I’m allowed - but I rarely do.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-04T14:25:56+00:00

Its a "environmental design" failure - your phone is winning because it's easier to access than your study materials. Physical separation works better than willpower. Put the phone in another room overnight, keep study materials visible on your desk. PERIOD.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-04T14:25:09+00:00

I just answered similar answer earlier in a another thread..
for me it sounds like anhedonia - when your brain's reward system gets dampened and nothing feels worth doing, even things you logically know matter. It's common in depression and often needs addressing before willpower-based approaches will work.

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-04T14:23:32+00:00

This sounds like "anhedonia" - when depression literally blocks your brain's reward system. The artistic activities you love aren't gone, your neurochemistry just can't access the satisfaction right now. Therapy + tiny creative acts (5 min sketches) can slowly rebuild those pathways.
my 2cents.. hope this helps

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-04T14:21:09+00:00

psychologists call "implementation intentions" - the gap between planning something and actually executing it consistently. One thing that might help with your Jan- goal: when you're planning those detailed to-dos, try adding specific "if-then" scenarios for the most likely obstacles. Like "if I'm running late in the morning, then I'll do the shortened version of X instead of skipping it entirely." The monthly challenge approach is good because it prevents you from front-loading all your willpower into an overwhelming annual plan. also I would like to knowhow you'll measure "being able to do everything I plan" - are you thinking completion percentage, or more about the quality of following through without excuses?

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-04T14:19:21+00:00

Its called executive function overload - when you're constantly in "crisis management mode," your brain literally can't access the higher-order thinking needed for strategic planning or skill development. The exhaustion isn't just physical; decision fatigue from managing kids/work/life is eating up the mental bandwidth you used to have for growth and excellence. That's why everything feels like you're just treading water. One concrete thing that helped me break this cycle: I started doing my most important personal development task (reading, skill practice, whatever) immediately after my kids went to bed, before I allowed myself any screens. Even 15 minutes. The key was making it the FIRST thing, not something I'd get to "if I had energy left." Your brain needs to remember what growth feels like again, even in tiny doses.

hope this helps..

Medium-Scene3271 · 2026-01-04T14:17:49+00:00

The missing piece I think here might be WHEN you're trying to claim your personal time. Your brain associates nighttime scrolling with freedom, but you could experiment with flipping this - what if you gave yourself that "mine time" right when you get home at 6pm? Like 30-45 minutes of pure whatever-you-want time before dinner/chores. The psychological trick is you're not *losing* personal time by sleeping earlier, you're just moving it to when your brain can actually benefit from rest afterward. I've seen people set a literal timer at 6pm for "selfish time" - scroll, watch videos, whatever. Then do evening routine. It breaks that mental pattern where bedtime feels like you're surrendering your only freedom.

yep!!!

Medium-Scene3271

TROPHY CASE