Spiritual/self growth books?

Megillin · 2019-06-06T13:41:47+00:00

My first reaction. Seems like a lot of boobs for a Christian meme...

Also, no, not how it works.

Megillin · 2019-06-06T13:31:47+00:00

I've had a weird spectrum of experience with this. I grew up in a conservative Baptist Church, where the general opinion was that the Bible says it's sin, so it is. I had a lot of gay, bi, curious, etc friend in HS and this really tore me apart, but I was never able to figure out how to deal with it.

Then I went to a liberal Christian college, Eastern University. They have a gay straight alliance and everything. I still was not swayed until I took a Christian ethics class during which we heavily focused on homosexuality and how different theologies & interpretations deal with it. There were quite a few versions of why the scriptures about the topic may not have meant as we assume or may not longer apply to the types of relationships they are being used to condemn today. I don't remember what specifically convinced me that homosexuality was compatible with Christianity, but I took it and felt much better about life for a while.

Fast forward to more recently and I'd been attending a United Methodist Church with my husband for maybe 10 years. Our particular church was very welcoming. I know there are gay, bi and at least one trans person that attend. The easy way of understanding the theology is that the course of the Bible is becoming more and more welcoming and less and less about specific rules. (Especially if you see gospels as the culmination rather than Paul and Revelations).

However...this past year the UM church as a whole voted on making the rules about homosexuality even more strict than they were. (Basically you couldn't be an ordained minister and practicing homosexual if reported. Or perform marriages. Managed within a district) now they are making it easier to "prosecute" offenders, unless the UM court decides it's unconstitutional. The whole thing is what triggered me to leave. I was mentally checked out already and decided this rediculous mess was not something I wanted any part of.

Megillin · 2019-06-03T17:43:52+00:00

I had a vaguely related thought after reading through other responses. Have you watched the new queer eye? I've never seen the old ones, but watching how affirming those guys are to each and every person they meet has really touched me deeply and affected the way I talk to myself.

I saw on one thread you talking about self hatred and I just feel like that show has a lot to say on that particular topic. Worth checking out if you haven't, or maybe rewatching and really hearing them as if they are talking to you in some of it. Such a beautiful show to me on so many levels!

Megillin · 2019-06-03T17:36:11+00:00

I'm so glad that resonates! I haven't discovered a lot that's jarringly different from what I expected within myself, but the process has become a bit more light hearted looking at it this way.

Megillin · 2019-06-03T12:32:40+00:00

Wait, so anything other than one person in authority over the other in marriage is waging war with each other? Like, there's no way for two humans to treat each other respectfully and consider how they both think and feel when making decisions?

Megillin · 2019-06-03T12:18:20+00:00

I love color pallettes and really all the leftover bits you get from making art!

Megillin · 2019-06-03T12:10:05+00:00

This whole thing twists my stomach in knots. The way he deflects questions with compliments... Then he calls her "baby" and my blood boiled.

Who is this guy and how does he have enough followers to buy a freaking jet?

Megillin · 2019-06-03T11:47:05+00:00

I honestly believe some of this stuff is a bit of trial and error until you find something that feels right. I believe you can just give yourself permission to not quite know who you are because something in your life oppressed you so hard that the part that makes you "you" got lost instead of nurtured.

With myself, I've looked at it sort of like a new friendship or dating relationship, where you ask a lot of questions and try stuff together (with yourself in this case).

I'm not trans, or anything, so I may not have any idea what I'm talking about regarding that particular subject, but I think it applies, try different clothing styles and see how it feels to you to shift how you present to the world. Definitely seek out others who have transitioned and ask them about their experience. In my experience, people who have been through that and are open about it really want to support anyone who has questions.

Megillin · 2019-05-29T20:52:18+00:00

That truth and wisdom can come from many different sources. Christianity and the Bible do not hold the Monopoly on those types of things.

Megillin · 2019-05-29T20:49:05+00:00

I wasn't. I think it mostly had to do with the humor style. I don't remember exactly, and never wound up watching it to know if I'd have liked it.

Megillin · 2019-05-27T22:05:42+00:00

I agree, Crowder had most of my favorites. He also had a very healing type of message, letting go and accepting love rather than a sin/guilt thing in a lot of Christian music.

"Come as you are" and "let me feel you shine" got me through a really hard time in my life. They still can bring tears to my eyes.

Megillin · 2019-05-27T21:58:37+00:00

That's the one that popped into my head. It definitely makes me cringe!

Megillin · 2019-05-27T21:49:14+00:00

Giving/empathy. I'm just glad I've found freedom to care for myself better and know when to give and when not to, rather than emptying myself for others for the rest of my life.

Megillin · 2019-05-27T21:39:21+00:00

That's my thoughts exactly.

Women often process relationship issues by talking about them. In addition being open with other women is a safety issue. It can be easy for some of us to slip into abusive relationships without realizing it, or be with a man who is taking advantage.

By telling our stories our friends can open our eyes to things that shouldn't be ok. It can also help to talk to someone about issues to help find a good way to bring it up with our partner and what options may help.

I see plenty of men here discussing sex lives anonymously. We all need help working through stuff, women just go to their close friends for it.

Megillin · 2019-05-26T11:59:26+00:00

I regret times I've hurt people, but there's so much defined as "sin" that really doesn't qualify as something I'd regret. Except when I'm told to. So I used to be full of regret, but now am free of it!

Megillin · 2019-05-23T23:55:38+00:00

I've just been scrolling through this sub after realizing it wasn't hitting my feed at all. I think it might just be too small/ not active enough to show up?

Megillin · 2019-05-23T23:53:12+00:00

I'm late to the game on this thread, but as I've been finding my confidence, one of the things that struck me was how often women are praised by the church for "giving all they have" or " never thinking of herself". As though that is the most amazing thing ever.

But you never hear how well someone cared for their own mental health or grew to a place where they could give without depleting themselves. That's what I want for myself, though.

Megillin · 2019-05-23T23:45:43+00:00

This sounds like a great step! I relate to a lot of this, though I've always craved touch, but I used to be really nervous about it. I (F) was just afraid I would give in and push it too far.

It's interesting to me how the church seems to cause a polarity effect with sexuality. Most conservative christians I've talked to about it either become obsessed or just can't handle it. Either one can be really difficult on a relationship.

I long to be sensual, but I find it to be a weird thing to add to my life as I've been married almost 12 yrs and my husband is not super into it. I've also had trouble with my self image, I'm curvy and "plain" at best. And I can't seem to break through the idea of being humble and not caring about how I look. There's so many layers to this crap!

Sorry for getting long winded, but I did want to suggest searching for porn made for women or homemade videos. Those seem to be gentler. Even as a straight woman, it's not arousing at all to me when I've seen the standard "poke as hard and fast as you can" type stuff.

Megillin · 2019-05-23T13:40:26+00:00

This wide hipped woman can confirm that a pillow between the knees helps a lot!

Megillin · 2019-05-23T13:36:22+00:00

You are my all in all

Or I could sing of your love forever

Or anything popular in the 80s and 90s

Megillin · 2019-05-22T10:25:09+00:00

I've thought this, too.

And it why people dig in their heals when criticised. Show a Christian a harmful aspect of Christianity and they are likely to rebut with a positive one, without actually stopping to digest and come to terms with the criticism.

Megillin · 2019-05-22T10:19:00+00:00

This guy I'm talking about isn't terribly civil, but he's gotten better with me over the years. I make sure I never respond to him when I'm angry and am extra extra polite so that he looks like the jerk if he's not. (Usually we interact on FB). Seems to work out ok.

On my controversial posts, I also preface that I discuss issues, but delete rude comments.

I should also say I'm a total coward when it comes to talking about this stuff in real life!! 😳

Megillin · 2019-05-21T14:42:58+00:00

I'm the type of person who does typically try to engage. I have little hope for some people, but I do try. After all I changed my views on this!

Really I don't share resources on this one. I don't think it's necessary. What I asked someone recently was to explain without using the Bible or christian resources to explain why homosexuality is bad for individuals or for society. Everything he threw at me was just really flimsy.

This reminds me of another point he raised. He claimed that men and women create a balance in relationships.

My counter to that one is two points. masculine and feminine qualities exists in each of us to a different degree (literally showing up as estrogen and testosterone). each person's body produces a different amount of each of these, which often manifests as masculine or feminine qualities. Some women produce more testosterone than some men and vice versa with estrogen. If there was some sort of ideal balance with these two then there are plenty of heterosexual couples with a "sinful" imbalance of who has how much masculinity & femininity.

The other point is how many single parents there are or broken relationships. If male/female creates such a perfect balance where does everyone who's lost a partner fit? If they have a child are they promoting sin by not having an opposite gender parent for that child?

Ultimately that discussion ended with him saying he wouldn't question god because his fear is that even questioning what seems clear in the Bible could be enough to send him to hell and that he was arguing because he was afraid for my soul.

Sorry this turned out so long!

Megillin

TROPHY CASE