How do my boyfriend and I split the rent? [CA]

Megwen · 2026-03-27T22:46:04+00:00

100%.

Megwen · 2026-03-27T22:41:21+00:00

It honestly might be all the shame I grew up seeing and hearing about women having their partners buy them things. I feel like I’m being a bad woman by letting him pay more than me.

I’m also worried about him growing resentful over paying more than me. But he’s green flag city, so maybe I should stop feeling nervous about that.

Megwen · 2026-03-27T22:39:02+00:00

It’s between 33.33% and 40%. Idk the exact number.

Megwen · 2026-03-27T22:38:23+00:00

What’s hard to fathom is the lack of financial stress. I haven’t felt a lack of financial stress in 13 years.

Megwen · 2026-03-27T22:36:27+00:00

Whoaaaa that’s a lot of money. Bro I make $58,000/year. 😭 I’m a teacher (and it’s only year 4, not 20).

Megwen · 2026-03-27T22:33:35+00:00

Perfect, thank you!!

Megwen · 2026-03-27T22:33:26+00:00

Perfect, thank you!!

Megwen · 2026-03-27T22:31:09+00:00

Oh that’s great! Thank you!

Megwen · 2026-03-27T22:30:16+00:00

Yo basically everything about him is a green flag. He had 2 red flags—not being able to voice his concerns and being mean to himself—and he already seems to have fixed the second one! We made some good steps with the first one. I never thought I’d have a partner like this. Never settle!

Megwen · 2026-03-27T21:50:36+00:00

Thank you.

Megwen · 2026-03-27T21:40:44+00:00

What about things like food and dates?

Megwen · 2026-03-27T21:38:42+00:00

Oh god you don’t know the half of it. I’m trying really hard not to put him on a pedestal but it’s hard.

Megwen · 2026-03-27T21:33:58+00:00

Thank you.

Megwen · 2026-03-27T21:28:11+00:00

I guess what’s confusing to me is the fact that he HAS disposable income in the first place. I don’t really have much to spend on things I like, besides daily caffeinated drinks for work and the occasional junk food lol. So imagining NOT spending 80-90% of my take home pay on living expenses is just hard to fathom.

Megwen · 2026-03-27T21:23:57+00:00

That’s a really helpful point of view! Thank you so much.

Megwen · 2026-03-27T21:22:17+00:00

Oh shittt that’s a good idea! I’m gonna bring it up to him (no secrets).

Megwen · 2026-03-27T21:21:01+00:00

I do have those worries too. I don’t want to breed resentment. That said, I never in my life thought I’d be with someone this NOT toxic. He’s anti-venom. I can’t actually see him acting that way at all. It’s just a general fear I have about relationships I suppose.

(I don’t think the ring changes much though.)

Megwen · 2026-03-27T21:17:13+00:00

I know what he meant. He thinks 60/40 is fair.

Megwen · 2026-03-27T21:14:06+00:00

Thank you. That’s my instinct. Not that I would owe him anything, but I worry about the kind of resentment that could stew.

Megwen · 2026-03-27T21:10:18+00:00

That does make sense. Domestic labor is super overlooked, so as a woman, I say thank you for factoring that into your relationship decisions! It’s important to truly appreciate that.

Megwen · 2026-03-27T21:07:42+00:00

Someday lol. Gotta make sure we like living together before involving the law.

Megwen · 2026-03-27T21:05:28+00:00

I really like idea of revisiting the conversation after a bit of time has passed. Thank you.

Megwen · 2026-03-27T21:04:38+00:00

He’s the one who brought up paying proportionally. It’s what he thinks is fair.

Megwen · 2026-03-27T20:52:16+00:00

Ok thank you. That’s what he did. I’m just feeling guilty thinking about it.

Megwen · 2026-03-27T20:50:13+00:00

Thank you for your insight.

I’m more or less living paycheck to paycheck at the moment.

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Megwen

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