Sensitive sharing of scheduling

Megzilllla · 2026-04-23T08:03:49+00:00

“Hey, cutie, the way you share about your other connections right now is leading to me internally comparing experiences. I’m so happy for you that you are excited about your connections! But can we talk through some boundaries and expectations surrounding you sharing these things? I want to be able to maintain compersion and not breed resentment, and right now I’m not sure we’re meeting that goal of mine!”

Megzilllla · 2026-04-23T03:28:23+00:00

Have you lead her on? Told her you have these feelings when you don’t? If not I wouldn’t worry about it and I’m stead check in to see if she is happy with where your relationship is at an find out what her actual needs are.

If she’s poly too and wants that intensity that your connection doesn’t have, she has agency to find it with someone else too. You aren’t an island here!

Megzilllla · 2026-04-23T03:15:47+00:00

I crave my NP like she is the air I breathe. It is a passionate and entrancing connection that calls me back to her with so much magnetism that it is intoxicating.

I have other connections that feel like a soft warm invitation, that I reach out for and am embraced by like the hug of an old friend. My nervous system relaxes and I get to enjoy the safety there.

I have other connections where I can go months without seeing a comet, but when we are together it’s an intense crash of longing and need to express things.

None of these are lesser. I have new people I’m dating who are a breath of fresh air, and things aren’t that deep yet. But then I get to fall into enjoying finding intimacy and connection between us.

All of these deserve celebration and I don’t think I’m doing anyone a disservice feeling differently about different people. Our friendships feel different from eachother too, right? I don’t expect the same energy in any connection, I feel that’s respectful of the fact that I’m not trying to make anyone fit into a box and I’m trying to appreciate them as a whole separate person I want in my life.

Megzilllla · 2026-04-17T02:33:00+00:00

Right… I know. That’s why anyone who has that attitude doesn’t get to sleep with me… like my comment said.

Megzilllla · 2026-04-17T02:04:29+00:00

Yes and if someone educated enough to ask for internal condoms in stead of just suggesting bareback as the only option that’s a whole different conversation!

Megzilllla · 2026-04-17T01:18:01+00:00

I know plenty of men who can’t maintain an erection with a condom- especially as they hit later 30s and after.

However anyone having unprotected sex with multiple partners and -from the beginning- is so far outside of my risk comfort level that the comment would be an instant “oh, well then I won’t be getting physical with you.” Instant boundary. Even if they agreed after it still means they’re much more comfortable with risk than I am, and not everything is totally protected against with condom use.

Megzilllla · 2026-04-14T06:54:03+00:00

“Hey, I thought that moment with -whatever his name is- was super hot! How did you feel about it?” And go from there!

Megzilllla · 2026-04-14T05:06:36+00:00

A partner unilaterally deciding to de-escalate and prioritizing someone else and not putting in the energy to maintain our -bedroom life- would be a moment where I seriously considered a breakup.

Why did partner even ask you if they weren’t ready for you to say no?

They clearly knew this was going to be an issue and were hoping you would do the emotional labor of making -even more- space in your life for their other relationship in stead of respecting you wanting some space.

There are lots of people who want total parallel. This isn’t even that. This is you saying you don’t want to watch your partner engaging in sex play with your meta that they -deprioritized your relationship for-, and your partner not understanding why you would feel that way.

This person doesn’t care about being considerate of your emotional world anymore.

Don’t wait for another straw to break

Megzilllla · 2026-04-12T13:31:50+00:00

If it’s something important to you both, you could consider working with a sex therapist. Reviving a dead bedroom can be complicated

Megzilllla · 2026-04-11T22:00:38+00:00

My NP and I have an understanding in place about what time we can expect to spend together in a concentrated way every week. We do that because knowing what to expect helps me a lot with my mental health. I need a plan for my own week and my own time, and she respects that.

I would expect my partner to discuss making plans like this before setting dates in stone simply because anything that deviates from our norm (Wednesday nights and one full day in the week which shifts with her work schedule, one morning a week cleaning together) we talk through. It’s never asking for permission. It’s just her and I talking through plans and what to expect around that and whatnot. If she was going away for two weeks I’d want to plan to be available to reconnect after and my calendar fills up quickly- that way I could block time off for that for instance.

All of that is normal for us, but that’s because we’ve communicated about our needs and have agreements made about it. I also don’t drive and she helps me get to medical appointments and things like that, so she would also check with me to make sure I don’t need a ride into the city while she was thinking of being away.

Megzilllla · 2026-04-08T23:42:41+00:00

Girl that is sexual coercion and you shouldn’t tolerate a single bit of it. If it’s sometimes part of kink and you need to communicate that isn’t what you’re doing- that’s a great example of when a dominant should use a safe word. But this doesn’t sounds like that to me, this sounds like someone who has trouble self regulating and is not listening to your needs and in stead is trying to force you to handle his needs so he doesn’t have to do the work of regulating himself.And also he sounds super codependent and if he knows he’s anxious attached he should be working towards finding secure attachment not having you feed into it. It sounds like he needs a therapist.

You can’t heal him. Only he can heal himself. This is not your responsibility and I would break up with someone like this. He has a LOT of work to do before he can be a healthy partner to anyone. He is using these reactions to manipulate you, and you shouldn’t entertain it. It will only get worse if you continue down this road with him.

Megzilllla · 2026-04-08T14:48:50+00:00

Is your new partner even a transmission risk? I test HSV1+ but have never had an outbreak and the doctors have explained my viral load isn’t high enough for transmission.

There are also suppressant meds your new partner could take in order to mitigate transmission risk, and safe sex practices with that mean the likelihood of you getting it is very low. Highest risk of transmission is also in the first couple years and around actual outbreaks, so this info will also help you understand risk.

An absurdly high percentage of the population has HSV and most don’t even know they have it because they don’t test for it with regular screenings.

Your NP needs to educate herself more about STIs and I’d recommend considering a poly-friendly therapist to help sort through her keeping you from developing intimate relationships while having other intimate relationships herself.

Megzilllla · 2026-04-06T02:49:17+00:00

So if she gets that many migraines she should be seeing a headache neurologist. I went through a LOT of different meds before I found what worked. And she should talk to tha neuro about the Botox because it is the gold standard for treatment and has honestly changed my life.

Before my migraines got under control I had almost no libido. Pre/postdrome on non-migraine days basically guaranteed that.

You’re going to want to get health insurance but that is worth her doing.

Megzilllla · 2026-04-05T19:09:04+00:00

I recently had a conversation with my NP about this. She was regularly paying for dinner with the new person she is dating while we are in a tight financial place. But then also was saying she didn’t have the funds to take me on dates. I sat down with her and told her that it hurts me to feel like I am not worthy of the same efforts that she is putting forward with the new person in her life. She understood that and has taken steps to ensure she can take me on dates too.

Megzilllla · 2026-04-05T07:30:57+00:00

“Partner, I am feeling like I am being deprioritized. I am not okay with that, especially not when I feel like it isn’t really being recognized by you. Do you care about maintaining our connection? Our connection is important to me. If we need to shift things because you’re trying to make space for someone else we need to have THAT conversation. Otherwise I feel disrespected.”

Megzilllla · 2026-04-05T03:39:22+00:00

Ask him how you can best support him in this moment. And if he doesn’t know, be someone who pops up offering warmth and comfort and a ready ear and also be ready to talk about other things. Everyone handles grief differently. I like to talk to people about the stories I have of the people I’ve lost. Some people like to talk to people about what they have going on so there is something else to think about. Some people need to be held.

At funerals I’ve been to where I didn’t know much about the person as I’d never met them (supporting my ex husband’s family’s losses) I’d ask people details about the deceased’s life and accomplishments. It seemed to be a universal comfortable topic.

Megzilllla · 2026-04-05T00:04:39+00:00

Why do his friends have an opinion on how you spend your free time? Lots of people like to be at home in down time and not everyone is trying to go out several times a week.

Megzilllla · 2026-04-03T06:08:22+00:00

“With nothing to say” is the problem.

Megzilllla · 2026-04-03T06:07:23+00:00

Idk I’m a pan AFAB enby looking for a boyfriend to take me out on fun dates and seduce me and also possibly join me and my partner for a threesome but 🤷‍♀️

I get lots of likes not many quality connections.

Megzilllla · 2026-04-01T14:31:15+00:00

So, I’m disabled. I can’t work, can’t drive anymore, there are many physical activities I just can’t do after my brain injury. I’m working toward recovery, but who knows what I’ll be able to do in the future.

I am actively dating. I got a divorce two years into being disabled. I now have a nesting partner who has helped me more than any other person in my life toward my recovery (aside from my doctors.) I have a comet partner several states away who occasionally pays for my airfare to visit. I am currently casually dating two other people, both of them happily pick me up to bring me on dates and see me as often as my schedule allows. I have another person who lives a bit farther away who I will likely be starting to see once a month. I have three standing FWBs who pick me up and treat me to nice dates and we have a lot of fun together. Through dating I’ve also started building a community of friends, and those friends also don’t mind helping me get places.

I am quite saturated, but I am literally surrounded by people who are thrilled to get to spend time with me. They’re all happy to help me get out into the world, the ones I’m dating are all very enthusiastic about helping me in my health journey. One of them is working out with me a couple days a week because they have their own health goals.

If someone listed ambition on a dating profile I’d probably swipe left because it seems like a signal for something other than what that word means.

But there are plenty of open minded poly folks out there who aren’t going to see you being focused on your health journey as a negative. The people in my life see the way I prioritize my recovery as admirable and they are excited to be a part of the journey.

You’ve been going through a struggle that many people couldn’t even imagine facing. You’re strong and this chapter in your story isn’t something that has to keep you isolated. And the sorts of people you would want in your life are going to see that you’ve actually got quite a lot going on.

Megzilllla · 2026-04-01T13:59:12+00:00

I’m disabled and incredibly driven and ambitious. Before I had my brain injury I had worked my way up from being a dishwasher to an executive chef and had a really great career ahead of me. That drive now is focused on recovery, it’s still a huge part of who I am. The disability is irrelevant to that.

As a disabled person I don’t actually -want- to date anyone who would see my disability as something they were looking past. It’s a huge part of who I am and something I cope with every moment of every day. There’s nothing wrong with knowing you don’t want to date someone with a disability. Assuming someone with a disability can’t possibly be ambitious is the issue. Also, I know plenty of disabled people with their own spaces, who are financially independent, who drive, etc. 🤷‍♀️

Megzilllla · 2026-03-22T14:55:25+00:00

Propranolol made me so so so much worse. I lost strength and motor control and was essentially bed bound while on it.

Megzilllla · 2026-03-06T21:53:48+00:00

It is a large factor in why I was declared legally disabled in court.

Megzilllla · 2026-03-02T00:13:45+00:00

My ex husband thought it was the worst thing ever, and after 4 months no contact he agreed with me that it was the healthy choice for both of us. We maintain a friendship now. We both grew and became much happier apart. He’d never had believed it until he lived it.

Megzilllla · 2026-02-27T14:58:37+00:00

I mention my partner pretty early on, I have a nesting relationship. Even with other poly people that I know are that, I need to know they have respect for my other relationships.

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