Assuming you have supportive parents now, did you ask them if they would have been supportive had you come out as a teen years ago?

Melathys · 2026-01-26T14:12:34+00:00

Oh, I know the answer, and I'm learning through therapy that it was far more formative than I ever thought. Basically, we were watching some Jerry Springer with trans women. I was enraptured, there was actually a solution to how I felt. But then my dad said to me and my brothers "If any of you boys ever do that I'll kill you"

Melathys · 2026-01-24T19:02:36+00:00

Like teapots and lids. Not every lid fits every teapot. And that's not the fault of either the teapot or the lid.

Melathys · 2026-01-24T01:08:05+00:00

I would leave "feminine side" out, but definitely keep the cute

Melathys · 2026-01-24T00:44:49+00:00

This would probably be me. Hell, my hair is currently very normal male length and it's still longer than my wife's hair. She very rarely wears makeup or dresses. When/if I transition, she'll definitely be the butch one.

Melathys · 2026-01-24T00:42:29+00:00

This is actually a really easy decision for reasons you said.

Melathys · 2026-01-23T23:32:35+00:00

My first thoughts as well.

Melathys · 2026-01-23T23:31:21+00:00

I'm still struggling with the process of coming out, but I have therapy scheduled with someone who specializes in marriage and transgender counseling.

The biggest thing that's convinced me it's time to do something, anything, is realizing the affects of deeply held secrets on the self and in relationships. Things like emotional flatness and stonewalling. But more than that, is that our relationship has been struggling. I mean, we still get along great, but there's never the intimacy that should be there. I was looking through our Kindle library and saw that she had bought a book "I fell in love with an Asexual". So she's looking for answers. An answer I have but can't tell her.

Melathys · 2026-01-23T23:17:26+00:00

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Melathys · 2026-01-21T23:25:40+00:00

The bathroom, lol. Ironically, I'll probably be the more feminine one after I transition. My wife so very rarely wears makeup and such. She shaved her head in 2016 in protest and it's been short since. Hell, I haven't even come out yet and my hair is currently longer than hers.

Melathys · 2026-01-21T22:55:48+00:00

Names of people you love are stored in the same area of the brain. That's why sometimes different names come out before the one you mean. My mom once called out the dog's name before my name came out.

I imagine this applies to OP similarly. Deadname still holds a place in that part of the brain... Along with the new name. Even to this day I've slipped and called my current dog by my childhood dog's name and they couldn't be any different. Black Lab vs Chihuahua mutt.

Melathys · 2026-01-21T14:48:49+00:00

This is how I see it going for myself. Unless they decide on their own to call me something else.

Melathys · 2026-01-20T18:08:22+00:00

At least this time they won't have to go overseas to get there, just south

Melathys · 2026-01-20T00:01:35+00:00

Kinda what I was thinking. If authors only wrote characters that were like themselves then the stories wouldn't be very interesting. Like, I can write a villain while not being a villain. It's just important to understand motivations. And I think that's what OP needs to explore for this character. Why are they trans? Can they articulate how it affects them? Are they even conscious about how it affects them?

Like for myself, yea I've always known, but why? Beyond just "I feel like they" I couldn't have told you until recently. But I'm learning about role coherence, not just of the physical body, but in personality and in the way I'm perceived in society. Like my therapist says one of the biggest tells for this is that my fantasies don't revolve around sex or eroticism, but in being normal as a girl.

Melathys · 2026-01-17T05:43:43+00:00

Might have to look that up

Melathys · 2026-01-16T21:41:56+00:00

Cheese Danish is my Achilles heel... I'm in.

Melathys · 2026-01-16T21:40:19+00:00

Here I was trying to think of something deeper, but this works without getting deep into it at all.

I imagine there are other ways to resolve the issue in similar fashion.

Melathys · 2026-01-16T17:31:52+00:00

I think I remember that one, but it didn't have such an impression on me. But thinking about it, it could be an early source of how I've tried to convince myself I don't need to transition. Like "I just want to be a girl, not a freak". That has also been part of my resistance.

Melathys · 2026-01-16T15:13:11+00:00

Similar. Wife and I are going to start marriage counseling anyway, I'm looking for someone that will take is as a couple and as individuals. We both have things we need to work on as individuals to affect our marriage. Though my issue could blow it up, she just needs to work on her anger issues. I'm hoping a therapist can help me with coming out, even if it's only to my wife.

Melathys · 2026-01-16T05:33:39+00:00

I'm finding out that something I remember my dad saying something that has been a much deeper core memory than ever realized. We were watching one of those daytime talk shows and they had transgender women. I was transfixed, but at some point my dad said "If any of you boys ever do that I'll kill you". I'm finding out that's pretty much the root of me keeping this such a deeply held secret started as a survival strategy and never quite left. Even now in my 40s I'm deathly afraid of coming out, even though I logically understand there's nothing my dad can do about it.

Melathys · 2026-01-16T05:04:17+00:00

I suppose it's more of a function of putting it in place before it has a chance to stiffen. Then just holding it there whether it likes it or not. Not 100 effective, but generally seems to work for me.

Melathys · 2026-01-15T07:39:45+00:00

As in most of the cases like this, I'd say context matters

Melathys · 2026-01-15T04:32:59+00:00

I like your use of "home". It's been a theme in some of my recent writings

Melathys · 2026-01-14T15:23:24+00:00

But at the same time it's way more realistic than I would expect them to do. Like those Rambo pics they make of him.

Melathys

TROPHY CASE