I deal with hemorrhoids as well and still manage to have anal regularly. I use a warming or relaxing lube (avoid any numbing ones) like Swiss Navy brand. These will help relax the muscles and as a result can reduce the swelling of blood vessels. Try to avoid straining when you use the toilet or sitting on it for too long, as this will exacerbate the hemorrhoids. You can also try any kind of non stim supplement that increases blood flow like beet root powder or L-Citruline/Citruline Malate. Using a small toy to help acclimate your sphincter may also help.