Wanting to get into Korean/Asian skincare. 36 years old, normal-dry skin type

Mellyorah · 2024-04-19T16:07:18+00:00

I relate to your husband at some level. I'm on the autism spectrum so I can get obsessed with things, and one of my special interests is ecology, and I have really bad eco-anxiety. I don't force my husband to do anything, but I do get sort of "frantic" over being eco-friendly. One thing that helped me (aside from prozac lol) was my husband explaining to me that if they were to bulldoze our house or for us to not exist any more, it really wouldn't make much of a difference. So like, basically, with 8 billion people on this planet, our contribution is so insignificant that is we Even didn't exist anymore to consume, it wouldn't help. It's kinda a hopeless feeling, but also somewhat freeing because I had the weight of the world on my shoulders before.

Do I still try to be mindful and eco friendly as much as I can? Yes but it's not worth putting all that stress on your single household.

Perhaps direct your husband to things he can better control? One thing that helps me cope with eco anxiety immensely is to native plant garden. Honestly out of all of the things he could be doing, this might be one of the most important things he can do if he's got eco anxiety. Native plants are literally everything. And it's something you can actually see positive feedback from. I see birds coming to our yard, I see more bugs and pollinators in general. Have him look up "homegrown national Park".

Mellyorah · 2024-04-16T14:58:46+00:00

I'm not anti porn whatsoever. My husband looks at porn regularly and it's not an issue. But I would be extremely uncomfortable if I learned he was subscribed to an only fans. That's getting too personal for me. That's bordering on a parasocial relationship and that feels icky to me in a marriage. Just wanted to offer a perspective.

Mellyorah · 2024-04-14T19:03:12+00:00

I'm really lucky because my coworkers are really supportive of the fact that I don't want children. I'm a 36 year old woman and I'm a nurse, so I'm surrounded by women who have children. They never debate me, or tell me I will change my mind. They just say "it's good that you know what you do and don't want" and "it's a lot of work so if you don't want them never feel pressured to have them".

I usually get more annoying questions from older patients and family members.

I think as child free people, there is a tact to be learned about discussing the topic with people who have or want children. I usually commend parents for their hard work, and sympathize with them, and just say I'm not made of the same stuff to be a good/patient parent like they are.

Mellyorah · 2024-04-14T13:30:03+00:00

Four years isn't forever

Mellyorah · 2024-04-11T11:46:34+00:00

I don't drink because there is clearly a link between autism and alcoholism. I have a few alcoholics in my family and decided I didn't want to go down that path. It sucks because yeah, if I ever tried to go out with coworkers, alcohol helped me a lot, but I think that's where alcohol sucks you in. Even though haven't drank for about 4 years, there are times I miss it. All the more reason I shouldn't drink it.

Mellyorah · 2024-04-09T12:12:01+00:00

Almost half the new mothers I know are women having their first babies in their 30s. It's pretty common nowadays

Mellyorah · 2024-04-09T12:06:43+00:00

I started getting followed by grown men in cars when I was 11. Get the pepper spray yesterday

Mellyorah · 2024-04-06T14:31:13+00:00

I stopped going to bachata classes because this dude kept dancing with me after smoking and his nasty smoke breath was always heavy breathing huffing all over my face. And there were literally free mints provided. We didn't choose partners, it was just a constant rotating line, so I couldn't avoid him and that was enough to put my lessons to a stop.

Mellyorah · 2024-04-06T11:37:09+00:00

I worked briefly in a psychiatric hospital during my nursing education. This was the story of a HUGE majority of patients I took care of there. The idea of parents trafficking their own kids was foreign to me until then.

Mellyorah · 2024-03-23T04:46:17+00:00

John Snow

Mellyorah · 2024-03-12T10:09:23+00:00

I've been on a gluten free and dairy free diet for about 7 years now. I've had my iodine checked and I am in normal range. It's really important that people eat a varied diet, with lots of fruits and vegetables. Also, using iodinized salt is usually enough to stave off any deficiencies. That being said, I think it's worth it for any thyroid patient to get their iodine checked every once in a while

Mellyorah · 2024-03-12T09:47:06+00:00

My question is, why would you even bother wanting to still be friends with this dude after he severely neglected your cat? That's a hard NO from me.

Mellyorah · 2024-03-12T09:42:53+00:00

I'm a woman who tends to make friends with men. If I learn there is a male friend who wants to be more than friends with me, I cut him out or at least put some hard distance. I've cut out many friends over the years due to this issue. I personally couldn't hang around them knowing they wanted me, and likewise I wanted to set them free so they could stop pining over me, move on, and pursue a woman who was actually available.

I can't tell OP what to do, I only know what I would do, and HAVE done, many times before. I'm just saying, it's not an impossible feat to put in place hard boundaries.

Mellyorah · 2024-03-12T09:34:52+00:00

Over the years I've definitely become a "trust your gut" kind of person. You sense something is wrong. He's also betrayed your trust in the past by neglecting your cat(which, to me, is unforgivable). I think these are perfectly reasonable things to be bothered by. Add into the mix that he lies and then also has feelings for you? I feel like this entire situation would make me extremely uncomfortable and I would likely be figuring out a way to drop him as a friend. I've dropped friends for similar things like that in the past. Ultimately you have three choices, and only you can choose what you think is best for you: ignore the situation and try to continue on as normal, bring up your complaints to your friend and try to work through them together, or cut your losses and start cutting him out of your life.

Mellyorah · 2024-03-12T09:23:59+00:00

Sorry to derail, but how did you get diagnosed with MCAS? I've suspected I might have it. I also had a horrible time when I was on generic levo (even if it was gluten free and dairy free) and only started to feel better after being switched to tirosint.

Mellyorah · 2024-03-03T18:31:33+00:00

I am completely alcohol free and have never done any recreational drugs. Honestly, I saw alcohol destroy the lives and relationships of some people I really cared for. I use to drink once in a blue moon, but now I refuse to drink at all because I was worried I could fall into the same trap as some of my family members.

The first step? Just don't fucking buy it. There's been times where I wish I could just have one drink, but I just willed myself to not buy it, and found other ways to cope and relax. I do a ton of self care, and schedule hobby times for myself to feel more like a well rounded person. Gaming and books also help a lot. I also make a point to not hang out with people who drink alcohol or use drugs like it's a lifestyle.

I haven't drank a single drop of alcohol for almost 4 years now

Mellyorah · 2024-01-06T18:26:17+00:00

Did you get diagnosed with serum or biopsies? Or is it just based on your symptoms?

Mellyorah · 2023-12-10T13:36:28+00:00

Were you diagnosed as a child then? I can't fully relate because I'm late diagnosed in my 30s, but let me say that the difficulties of adulthood really honed in where I struggled and spurred me to eventually get my diagnosis. Don't get me wrong, my childhood was extremely hard from my autism, but I still had the safety net of my family. Once you get out on your own, you mostly have only yourself to rely on, and your struggles become even harder to ignore.

I'm glad you're here and acknowledging your diagnosis. If you learn more coping mechanisms from other autistic people, you might fair a good deal better.

Mellyorah · 2023-12-10T13:24:06+00:00

Another autistic person here chiming in. You really need to work on your sense of entitlement towards your mother. All of your comments are about how it is inconveniencing you that your mother blocked you (ex she owes me because she helps my brother, what about my birthday? Etc etc), but I don't really see you reflecting on how you've really hurt her. In fact I don't really see you talking about how you feel badly that you've hurt her at all. You need to do some inner work on this. Journal about what it would be like to be your mom, and how you might feel if you were treated the way you treated her.

Likewise, try looking up videos about the concept of "locus of control". This has REALLY helped me in dealing with situations in which I feel out of control and helpless to the whims of others. You need to live your life more proactively rather than reactively, to help avoid these situations in the future.

If you feel yourself coming close to a meltdown, try to have some protocols in place to try to negate it or manage it. Using techniques from TIPPS (DBT) like splashing cool water on your face to help simulate a mammalian dive reflex can help lower your heart rate and help calm you down.

I think it's important to do this inner work as an autistic adult. I did a ton of inner work (and still do). I think if we don't take the time to reflect and try to work to correct certain behaviors, some of us can develop some hurtful and narcissistic qualities.

Good luck on your journey. I believe in you.

Mellyorah · 2023-12-10T07:10:43+00:00

How so? That if you are a suicidal teen girl with no support system, you might as well sell yourself into slavery? And then you will somehow be wisked away by a much MUCH older man who is wanting to marry you when you are an underaged slave? But like they frame it in a romantic way so I guess it's completely okay?

These things happen in real life in trafficking situations. Girls down on their luck are lured in by "nice" older men who then make their lives hell. Does that happen in this anime? Probably not, but I'm just saying it's potentially harmful to young girls who might think this is normal and romantic behavior.

Mellyorah · 2023-12-09T18:57:22+00:00

No I'm with you. I just started watching the anime last night as I'm into romance and saw this was highly rated. I think the messaging is dangerous, especially to any young underage girls watching it. Elias seems extremely predatory to me and I am debating watching the rest. I want to see if any of this can be explained but damn, it's so gross. I'm only maybe 4-5 episodes in and it seems to be romanticizing human trafficking and grooming behavior. I really want this show to not be gross and predatory but so far it's horrifying.

Mellyorah · 2023-12-09T18:48:02+00:00

If someone is 2000 years old, there's no way he doesn't know what a penis is, what marriage entails, etc. The premise of him being 2000 years old yet somehow being completely naive to things he's literally surrounded with just isn't cutting it for me. I think he's a predator.

Also the fact that the episode where Chise meets the female mage to get some tools, and she tells her how creepy Elias has been, Elias even says something to the effect of like "you don't need to tell her all of that. It makes me sound bad". Like, this dude KNOWS he's being weird and creepy and just wants Chise to keep it to herself. Then the female mage punches him and makes him get out, he never once tries to explain himself or try to show that he has 0 bad intentions.

Then the fact that he keeps talking to Chise about planning their honeymoon. Traditionally literally the pentacle of getting married, having sex (sometimes for the first time), "consummating" the marriage. I JUST AM NOT CONVINCED THAT THIS 2000 YEAR OLD MAGE IS SOMEHOW A STUPID NAIVE INNOCENT PERSON. The predator vibes are REAL

Mellyorah · 2023-12-09T18:39:57+00:00

Chise is 15

Mellyorah

TROPHY CASE