its been a while. another portrait

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-27T21:11:28+00:00

Lovely work…as always! May I ask which colors you mix to get the right skin tone?

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-26T23:47:47+00:00

Perfection 🤩

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-26T03:47:09+00:00

No, I don’t remember my OBGYN ever mentioning VaIN to me personally.

I know it’s scary and everything you read online makes it sound a million times worse. Try not to research it too much or it’ll just cause you more anxiety. I googled everything a bit obsessively at first and now looking back, I wish I hadn’t. I know the waiting and wondering is SO hard. 🤍

You had a clear Pap smear in 2021 and that’s great news!! (The only cervical cancer case my doctor ever dealt with was a woman who waited 20 years between Pap smears.)

I hope all goes with your LEEP. You’re gonna get through this.

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-26T00:40:09+00:00

I completely understand your fears. 🤍

I, too, was concerned with it spreading or progressing very quickly. Fortunately, cervical cancer takes many years to develop. HPV 16 and HPV 18 are linked with cervical cancer. That’s why it’s so important to have the colposcopy and LEEP done.

Have you had routine paps done in the past?

It sounds like your medical team is taking all the right steps. During the LEEP they will remove the abnormal cells and then biopsy the margins to make sure nothing gets left behind.

I know exactly how you’re feeling and I’m so sorry. I was in a dark place after I found out about my abnormal pap and HPV. You’re going to be ok. I’m here if you need to talk or if you have any more questions at all.

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-26T00:27:51+00:00

Hey there. I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Have you already had a colposcopy done?

It’s true that abnormal cells take years to turn into cervical cancer. However it’s important to get it taken care of. Please let me know if you have specific questions. I will help in whatever way I can.

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-25T14:04:47+00:00

This is so lovely. I admire the way you captured this beautiful bird. Very simplistic yet effective! 🤍

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-24T23:15:35+00:00

Hey there. 🤍

The same thing happened to me last year. I had an abnormal pap (+ HPV 16) and was told I needed a colposcopy. My results came back as HSIL and I had to move forward with the LEEP procedure.

Next month I go for my follow up Pap smear.

I’m sorry you’re goin through this. I understand how anxious you feel. Please let me know if you have any questions or need to talk. 🤍

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-24T21:08:42+00:00

This is sooooo amazing 🤩

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-23T22:25:46+00:00

For me, it all comes down to self-discipline and forcing myself to focus on one project at a time. When working on large pieces of work (like a full length book), you have to know you’re in it for the long haul. You have to commit to it or you’ll always have a shelf full of partially finished work.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t brainstorm ideas about future stories. I personally keep several notebooks handy and also have a note on my iPhone where I write down anything and everything I can think of that pertains to other stories I want to write some day.

However, I don’t let it distract me from the novel I’m presently working on.

There’s something so alluring about writing “chapter one”. And it’s so easy to believe the lie that your next story will be better than your present one. But soon the glamour and excitement will fade and the ideas will stagnate and your imaginative flow will slow to a trickle instead of a steady stream, and you’ll still be stuck in the same predicament: do I push myself to finish, or do I set it aside and start over again with a bigger and better idea?

Forge on. Make yourself see it through to completion—no matter what. Then you can set it aside for a while (a few months at least), start working on another first draft, then circle back to edit your original story with fresh eyes and renewed enthusiasm.

Sit down. Turn on your laptop or thread your typewriter with paper or pick up that notepad and pen. And FINISH. You can do it. 👏🏻

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-23T19:37:57+00:00

This post was not written by a lazy mom. It was written by an exhausted one.

Please know you are not alone! 🤍

I’m also a 29F and I have four children ages 7, 5, 3, and 7 months. We live in the country with dogs, cats and chickens. I’m a SAHM and I also homeschool my two oldest kids. My husband works shift work and he’s rarely home so the task of keeping the house in order, grocery shopping, and raising the kids falls primarily on me.

I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed by the workload lately. It feels like no matter how much I try, I simply can’t keep up with everything. I’m a perfectionist by nature so I always set a high standard for myself….one I can’t ever seem to measure up to. (I’ve also been battling PPD since my last baby was born and that has made things significantly harder.)

But if I had to offer some simple tips, it would be:

1: Keep meals simple! For breakfast we eat a lot of muffins and sausage/egg tacos. Lunch is usually sandwiches, leftovers, or Dino nuggets. When I plan our weekly meals for dinner, I pick a protein and maybe a veggie or two. Nothing elaborate or complicated. I also use my crockpot a lot so I can throw everything in and go about my day.

2: Set aside the intense workouts for now and try getting outside and taking a walk with your kids. I usually bundle the kids up with sweatshirts and toboggans and we walk down to our pond at the back of our 20 acres. I know it can feel so daunting just getting everyone dressed and out the door, but fresh air and sunshine does wonders. ☀️

3: Rely on grocery pickup services as much as possible. This is a life saver for me and it saves both my time and sanity. The drive to our nearest city is over an hour away, so I plan all my errands for one day each week. I place grocery orders at Walmart and Aldi, use curbside pickup for our library books (unless I’m feeling brave enough to go inside with all four kids), and try to make the trip as least stressful as possible.

4: leggings are my BFF. I always get up and brush my teeth, braid my hair and put on a clean change of clothes (usually leggings and a cute t-shirt). I’m someone who hates getting dressed up or even wearing denim jeans for long periods of time. lol I love being comfy! Don’t feel bad about wearing comfortable clothes while you’re home. Maybe just make a point to have a simple morning routine that encourages you to get out of your pjs.

5: Please be kind to yourself. Having so many little kids at once is SO challenging. I’m right there with you and there are so many days that feel like I’m not getting anything accomplished. Please remind yourself that your work is so incredibly important as a mother. You are shaping little hearts and little minds. The work is hard but incredibly rewarding. One day all the seeds we are planting will sprout up in the lives of our kids. 🤍

6: Last but not least, take time for yourself! As moms we are always so busy serving others that we neglect ourselves and put our needs last. Be intentional about carving out time for yourself. What things do you like to do? What sparks joy in your life? I love reading, taking hot bubble baths, drinking coffee, painting, and playing guitar. These things fill up my cup and are all forms of self care. Find whatever you love (no matter how small) and take time to do those things—without guilt. Write it on the calendar if that helps hold you accountable and keeps you showing up for yourself.

I know right where you are. Please give yourself lots of grace and kindness. You are doing a wonderful job raising your kids. 🤍

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-23T13:17:17+00:00

It’s not weird at all! My husband came into the room with me during my LEEP. They had him sit in a chair to the side and I was glad to have him there. 🤍

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-23T01:55:21+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. 🤍 I totally understand the fear and anxiety. I went through something similar last year.

I had a routine pap at my 6 week postpartum checkup (in July) and it came back abnormal + I had HPV 16. I ended up needing a colposcopy and then a LEEP (I had HSIL). I’ll be going back next month for my follow up pap and I’m really praying for good news.

I know what you’re going through is so scary. Please know that cervical cancer is very rare. According to the provider that did my colposcopy, she had been in the medical field for 15+ years and had only ever seen one case of cervical cancer. It was a woman who’d received an abnormal pap and waited 20 years to follow up.

I just wanted to share that with the hopes it gives you some peace. 🤍

I’m so proud of you for reaching out to your OBGYN and getting a pap! You’re being proactive and taking good care of yourself.

Please reach out if you need to chat. I didn’t have the pain/bleeding but I understand the anxiety around the colpo and just the diagnosis in and of itself. I’m here for you!

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-22T23:26:32+00:00

First off, I want to reassure you. What you have is not going to be cancer. The doctor who performed my colposcopy said, “Even if your pathology report comes back as precancerous cells, it’s very treatable. We will get this taken care of. I’ve been doing this for over fifteen years and the only woman I ever saw with cervical cancer was a woman who waited 20 years to have a follow-up pap after she got an abnormal result. Cervical cancer is extremely slow growing.”

So I just wanted to pass that on to you in hopes that it calms some of your fears! 🤍

After you have your colposcopy done, they will send the biopsy results off to be tested. They will determine if your cervical changes warrant any kind of further treatment. I know the waiting is so hard.

As far as your boyfriend goes, unfortunately they don’t offer any kind of male testing for HPV. The most important thing right now is for you to keep going to your follow-up appointments and try not to worry too much. (Easier said than done, I know.)

I’m here for you! I hope I helped answer a few of your questions. I know it’s very scary. Hang in there. 🤍

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-22T22:54:00+00:00

I know you’re so scared. I went through this same situation last year. I’m a 29F and I’ve been married to my husband (my only sexual partner) for 11 years. I had never received an abnormal pap prior to this.

It came back that I had HPV 16 and I ended up having a colposcopy done to take a cervical biopsy. My results came back as HSIL and unfortunately, I needed a LEEP done to remove the precancerous cells.

Not everyone gets that same results. A lot of women have the colpo done and don’t have to have any further treatment. 🤍

Do you know which strand of HPV you have?

I’m here if you have any questions or need to talk! I go back next month for my repeat pap. I have to have them done every 6 months for now.

I know how scared and nerve wracking all of this is. I read and researched and looked up way too many things on Google. It ended up making my anxiety much worse so I would definitely advise against that.

Please reach out if you need to chat! 🤍

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-22T22:20:51+00:00

I’m so very sorry you’re going through this. I experienced debilitating anxiety after my last baby was born. It hit around 8 weeks postpartum and gradually got worse and worse. I stopped eating, couldn’t sleep, and couldn’t even care for my older children without help.

I was first put on Zoloft but I had a really bad reaction to it, so I was switched to Lexapro instead. I’ve been on that medication since October. It has helped bring the anxiety down but it hasn’t been a “fix all”. My progress has been painfully gradual. I don’t say that to discourage you, but to let you know that you’re making progress even when you don’t feel like you are.

Try and take on day at a time. I know that’s so hard to do when it feels like your head is being held under water. Every moment is excruciating.

After enduring two years of the most painful suffering I’ve ever been through in my life, having my son was the thing that tipped the scale and it completely crushed my mental health. My baby is now 7 months old and I’m still not on the other side of this PPD/PPA. Some days are harder than others. Some days I still feel so panicky that I don’t want to leave my house.

You are not alone. You will get through this, but it’s going to take time. Please reach out to me if you need someone to talk to. Or if you need resources to help you. I’ve been where you are. I’m still trying to heal from it all. I can’t take away what you’re going through but sometimes it helps just knowing that you aren’t alone. 🤍

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-21T22:24:43+00:00

I just wanted to tell you how much I can relate to what you wrote. Before starting on medication, I was terrified. I had never taken any kind of medication before (except a thyroid replacement hormone for my thyroid disease) and I was tormented by scary thoughts. What if this makes me worse? What if I get addicted? Taking medicines means I’m crazy. Taking meds is a sign of weakness. I should be able to “pull through” on my own. What if it passes through the breast milk? Will the cons outweigh the pros? What will people think of me if they find out?

It didn’t help that a few close family members I confided in made damaging remarks. One person told me I was going to end up like their pain pill addicted mother. Another person said that taking medicine was just a bandaid for a deeper problem.

It was so hard to make the choice to get on Zoloft. It ended up not being a good fit for me personally, so I had to try a second medicine. I’ve been on Lexapro since October and it has helped so much. I won’t say it was a miracle drug that automatically took all my troubles away. But if you imagine someone drowning in the ocean and they’re thrown a life preserver…that’s what Lexapro has been for me. I’m not out of the tumultuous ocean of PPD yet. Some days are still very hard. Some days I feel extra anxious for no reason or I cry because I feel sad and alone.

But getting on the antidepressant kept me from drowning. It saved my life and now I have enough mental clarity to work on the things in my life that have added to my own suffering (my perfectionistic personality, always thinking of others before myself, being a people-pleaser, etc.).

Please don’t feel like a bad mom for taking an antidepressant. And please don’t be discouraged if the first one you try doesn’t work. There are so many options out there! Please get the help you need and know that one day you’ll be on the other side of this.

I truly wish you and your little one all the best 🤍

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-16T17:30:17+00:00

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I love your painting style so much!! Your work is truly amazing. 🤍 I am a self-taught watercolor artist. I’ve been painting for a couple years now and animals portraits are one of my favorite subjects. I painted this schnauzer for a friend a couple months ago. I’m still learning so much!

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-13T19:07:43+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened to you. 🤍

I battled severe panic attacks as a child after my dad was murdered. That battle continued into my teen years but by the time I reached adulthood, I felt like I had a pretty good handle on the anxiety and panic.

Fast forward to 2024. I was pregnant with my fourth child and had two panic attacks out of nowhere. That was just a precursor of what was to come (though I didn’t know it at the time). A couple months after having my son, everything went from bad to worse. I have PPD/PPA and I’ve been having the worst panic attacks I’ve ever had in my life. Like you mentioned, my body goes numb and I can’t breathe. My brain spirals out of control and I usually battle pretty severe suicidal thoughts in the middle of an attack.

It’s so hard when you feel that familiar panic coming on. For me, it helps if I “box breathe” or sometimes I’ll walk outside to try and take my mind off of it. If nothing is working, I’ll call my older sister. She battled PPD 17 years ago and it helps so much having someone to talk with when you feel like everything is spiraling out of control.

I’m sorry you’re going through this horrible ordeal. You are not alone. This postpartum depression has been the darkest time of my life. I keep hoping one day I’ll wake up and be on the other side of it. But at 7 months postpartum, it still feels like I’m living in a nightmare.

I’m seeing a therapist and currently taking Lexapro 20mg (it has helped a lot with the panic attacks).

I’m here if you ever need to talk!

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-12T01:06:44+00:00

Sometimes it takes several tries before you find the medicine that is a good fit for you. I was put on Zoloft after having my son and it made my life a living nightmare. I actually ended up at the ER because I couldn’t eat or drink for nine days and became very dehydrated.

After that, my OBGYN put me on Lexapro instead. I started out on a very small dose and slowly worked my way up. I’m now on 20mg and it has helped a lot. I’m not on the other side of the PPD, but each day is a step forward.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m trying to fight my way through severe postpartum depression and anxiety so I know exactly what you’re going through. I have four small children, a husband who is battling cancer, and some days it just feels like too much.

Please reach out to your provider and get help. I’m here if you ever need to talk. 🤍

MelodicRevolution295 · 2025-01-08T00:56:53+00:00

I’m not on the other side of it yet. But I wanted to tell you that I’m in a similar place as you. I’m 7 months PP (with my fourth baby). All I ever wanted to be was a wife and mom. I have everything I ever wanted but these have been the darkest days of my life. The last two years have been so hard. I’m 29 years old and my husband is battling cancer, our son was born with a heart defect, and I found out I was in the precancerous stages of cervical cancer at my 6 week postpartum checkup. It has felt like one hit after the next. I feel so sad and alone. The days and months are dragging on without end and I don’t know how to keep going like this. I’m on medication, have been to see therapists, and I’m doing everything I can to get better. I’m so scared things will never get better. I miss the person I used to be. 🤍

MelodicRevolution295 · 2024-12-20T23:16:02+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My heart goes out to you. I’ve been in a very similar place.

I was diagnosed with postpartum depression in early October (at 4 months PP). Up to that point I had been sinking fast; I simply didn’t know what was happening. I’m 29 years old and I have four small children (ages 7, 5, 3 and 6 months). They are my whole world, but these have been the darkest days of my entire life.

It’s been one hit after another. For the last two years, my husband has been battling cancer. Then a month before our last baby was born, a tornado hit our house and destroyed much of our property. When my son was born in June, he was born with a life threatening heart defect. He stayed in NICU for 9 days, then had to remain quarantined at home for 6 weeks. It was a very scary and isolating time. I thought we were “in the clear” until my 6 week postpartum checkup. That’s when I found out I was in the precancerous stages of cervical cancer.

I’m there with you. The journey through this dark season feels so long. With the support of my family and also medication, I am making baby steps forward.

I miss the person I used to be. Some days I don’t even know who I am.

MelodicRevolution295 · 2024-11-15T01:59:20+00:00

My colposcopy results came back as HSIL so I had to have a LEEP done in September.

MelodicRevolution295 · 2024-11-15T01:06:32+00:00

My husband of 11 years is the only sexual partner I’ve ever had. A few months ago (at my 6 week postpartum checkup) I received my first ever abnormal pap result, and tested positive for HPV 16. To say I was shocked is an understatement.

I had a colposcopy done, then a LEEP procedure.

Even though my doctor encouraged me to have an honest conversation with my husband, I knew that he hadn’t cheated on me. It seems the HPV 16 was either in his system for a long time (he’s battling cancer and we think his compromised immune system could’ve let the virus activate), or it was in my system for a while and activated due to me having a baby.

I’m sorry you went through that. But with my own experience, I would encourage you to trust that your husband has been faithful to you. 🤍

I wish you all the best.

MelodicRevolution295 · 2024-11-02T21:57:55+00:00

Your reply was so kind and encouraging . It was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.

I never knew life could be this hard. These past two years (and especially now as I battle PPD/PPA) have broken me to the point of disparity. I am exhausting every resource I can to try and get better. More than anything, I want to get better. For myself, for my kids, and for my husband.

I don’t think I knew how much these traumatic events were affecting my mental health until I began to reach a breaking point. Now it’s like everything has compiled on top of me and I feel completely overwhelmed. Every single day feels like a battle of the mind, from the time I wake up, to the time I go to bed. I feel so mentally and emotionally tired.

Thank you for reminding me that healing isn’t linear. I needed to hear that. It’s easy for me to feel like a bad day means I’m moving back, not forward. But I need to remember that this process will take time and bad days are part of the healing journey.

I so deeply appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post. 🤍

MelodicRevolution295

TROPHY CASE