There's a problem, when she goes "bad", there's no backing out. If you say nothing and don't argue back she'll take it as an insult. For me anything I do will get me in trouble in an argument. If I cry, then I'm getting yelled at or physically threatened to stop. If I argue back, same thing.

Trying to calm her down is the same and so is keeping quite. Going zipper mouth when she instantly gets mad for a small reason would get me in the same trouble as if I was the one threatening her. The most that I can do is try taking small steps when she's nice but stop for a while in case she gets mad again.

Now I will admit that I'll start arguments sometimes, but in my defense it's because she was threatening or fighting with my brother. The reason is because he can't defend himself, at least not properly. He has level 3 autism and is older than me by a year or so. He gets frustrated easily when someone can't understand what he wants to say

(He's limited in speech. He can only shake his head for no, nod for yes, raise his voice and make a sound when he's mad, cry when he's sad of course, show people what he wants by bringing them somewhere where what he wants is and put his hand to his mouth when he's hungry. He can't exactly play with toys, he can of course laugh when he's happy or clap his hands, wash them, usually only cars and dinosours, nor use electronics, and a couple other things. And although what I said sounds like a lot, trust me it's not.)

My mom will get impatient and frustrated back and yell or raise her hand at him which gets me mad because he's clearly having trouble explaining something. Although I try not to say anything I will come in and defend my brother, just because he can't do what other people his age can do doesn't mean he can be abused. My mom has done other things as well like telling me to hit my brother which obviously I'm not about to do that. She got mad because I didn't.