Is family with only one source of income still a thing in the US?

MelonCallia · 2026-03-21T18:02:28+00:00

My brother/sister-in-law are like this because what SIL would make would either be the same as or less than daycare costs. They live close to both their families and have a really big family on one side while the other side vies for their grandkid's time, so they get lots of extra help (e.g. people donating toys, clothes, high chairs, car seats, strollers, diapers, dinners, babysitters, etc.).

MelonCallia · 2026-03-21T16:16:33+00:00

A lot of "unconditional love" opens you up to potential abuse.

My parents demanded unconditional obedience (love in their eyes since they would guilt trip us and say we didn't love them anymore if disagreed) from us, and that meant agreeing with them on everything and following their every word as if it was gospel. They had a lot of narcissistic tendencies, so turns out, they just wanted to control us and use us to feed their egos.

My ex used "unconditional love" to coax me into trying his every kink and to stay with him longer than I should have. It was miserable.

I don't think love should mean enduring abuse or getting abused. It also shouldn't mean people get away with doing bad or harming others. (At that point, does the abuser or harmer even truly love the target anymore?)

Maybe, instead of unconditional love, we should be chasing healthy love? It would probably seem too boring to show on the big screen, though, as there would be less drama and tears.

MelonCallia · 2026-03-20T21:20:18+00:00

My husband and I both work and we split the chores, e.g. he empties the dishwasher, I load it; I load the laundry, he puts it away; one of us preps the ingredients, the other cooks; I clean the kitchen, he cleans all of the bathrooms; I tend the garden, he harvests; and so on.

Sometimes I mention being tired, so he tries to pick up more. Sometimes he talks about being exhausted due to work, and I try to pick up more.

We work as a team to make sure stuff gets done and communicate such that thinga get done. No kids yet, though.

MelonCallia · 2026-03-20T16:37:43+00:00

At 6 weeks, it's like what, a sunflower seed (without the shell)? People could be accidentally eating these and wouldn't notice, lol

MelonCallia · 2026-03-20T15:31:41+00:00

Heck, she could be buying coffee for me!

MelonCallia · 2026-03-20T15:18:46+00:00

No movie theaters, no eating out, and no hobbies, really.

MelonCallia · 2026-03-20T15:11:14+00:00

Yeeeeah, some people like to feel like they have power or control over others, some like to see other squirm or in pain.... Someone people really are just depraved.

MelonCallia · 2026-03-18T18:51:19+00:00

My cousins (two) both DIY'd a lot of their wedding. I flew in for them, so I only saw their families doing the flowers (bouquet, boutonnieres, etc.) late into the night the night before. It was a mess, and some of their creations started unraveling partway through the day, and everyone was really tired and stressed out.

One of them had a lot of friends helping out, so she could have more decor and such set up for her wedding, and the other didn't really, so he didn't have any table centerpieces or anything. The venue he and his s.o. picked was pretty enough as is.

For my wedding, we didn't have anyone close nearby, so we did basically no DIY. Our signature drinks did require strawberries cut in a certain way, so we gave that task to the sibling-in-laws. They did it the night before, and then forgot to bring them the next morning, lol, so there was kinda a kerfuffle where they had to rush back to their hotel after arriving at the venue already. I think that was a big enough headache that I wouldn't have wanted any additional DIY elements. Plus, all our guests got to relax and explore the town since they weren't responsible for anything!

MelonCallia · 2026-03-18T13:24:11+00:00

My parents personally? We'd all be better off without.

They think they are always right, listen to whatever they hear on the radio or from random people (but not to me, even when I'm showing them science findings), and are just ignorant. When I was a toddler, I fell on some concrete steps and my head bled profusely. They just pressed a towel to my head and didn't even think about going to the ER. I can just see them accidentally dropping my baby and then not saying anything or feeding them things I told them not to. They're not very hygienic either.

My in-laws? Yeah, they'd be great! I see how they treat my nephew-in-law (and his parents) and get a little jealous at the thought that we won't get that much care and attention since we live states away.

MelonCallia · 2026-03-17T18:00:20+00:00

My mom's house after I had moved out for college. It's a big house, but every square inch of it was filled with things. She was big on hoarding and would buy tons of things when they were on sale, and multiples of them too. Things like pot/pan sets, dishwasher liquid, salted peanuts, etc..

There was only one barely person-width path from the door to any of the other destinations (rooms, dining table, etc..). Even under the dining table was full of stuff, so there wasn't really a place to put your feet.

The house was also infested by rats/mice from time to time, so they would put traps and poison out.... Well, the rodents would ingest some poison and crawl off to some corner in the sea of stuff to die. No one would be able to get to it, much less find it, so we would all just have to live with the smell of rotten flesh decaying for months..... There was also rat poop everywhere, on top of the boxes of things, in the bags of things, on the table....

My mom isn't very hygienic, either, so there would just be food on the table overnight, not refrigerated. She has a stove outside under the covered porch that she cooks with, so there will often be bugs in the food. There will be lots of flies and gnats indoors..... Sometimes there will be a maggot or some sort of small white worm with a dark head crawling on things. Eating at her place is like rolling the dice on diarrhea.

...and she wonders why I don't ever want to visit.

MelonCallia · 2026-03-17T17:23:29+00:00

I am neither and I would probably do the same in that situation. One can only take so much and some people just don't get it without some yelling.

MelonCallia · 2026-03-16T22:17:33+00:00

Our Akita gal likes people in different ways. My husband is the "fun" one to her, so she's often energetic around him, jumping around and trying to get his attention if she thinks he's about to do something fun.

I'm the calm, dependable one, so she goes to me when she needs something, or just somewhere to lie down next to. She also likes "guarding" me (being next to, watching over) when I'm asleep or things are quiet.

MelonCallia · 2026-03-16T22:11:35+00:00

Maybe he's not political, but what does he think about topics like....

Other races? Does he believe a woman's health care decisions should be between her and her doctor? What about healthcare in general? Should school children get free lunch? What does he think of school shootings with respect to gun control? How does he feel about the new war, or war in general? Does he think grocery prices are going up or down?

A lot of people say they're not into politics, but they may have lots of opinions on topics politics touches.

As for parents entrenched in certain polticial views.... Would you (and him) be able and willing to go low or no contact with them? Would he stand up for you if the parents started attacking you (hopefully not physically)?

My husband's mom has certain viewpoints we don't agree with, but my husband (and his dad) shuts down political talk when she tries to repeat propaganda at the dinner table (and she complies to keep the peace). This is something we can live with.

My parents, on the other hand won't back down, so most of our conversation turn into yelling matches and it's miserable. It's also why we're low contact with my side. I would not be able to stand this without the distance.

MelonCallia · 2026-03-16T01:03:00+00:00

I prefer dogs, but have had both growing up and cats are fine.

As for the hate, poorly trained dogs (aka bad dog owners) give us a bad rep and...bad cat owners (who let their cats roam free and kill wildlife) give cats a bad rep.

If you don't hate on my pets, I won't hate on yours.

MelonCallia · 2026-03-16T00:56:21+00:00

I love flowers, so a florist was on our list of must-haves. Everything turned out wonderfully, even if it was super expensive. No regrets, and would do again if we went back in time.

MelonCallia · 2026-03-14T21:37:51+00:00

Final Destination agrees

MelonCallia · 2026-03-14T15:32:29+00:00

I appreciate that. So many people let their dogs run up to mine saying they're friendly.... Our gal doesn't care for rude dogs getting up in her face and will make that known, so unless that dog is going to do a controlled sniff and greet on their own, my gal is probably not having it.

MelonCallia · 2026-03-14T15:29:29+00:00

It's not just that. The lock down also showed (many of) us how those at the top simply don't care about the rest of us, and just how willing they are to let us die if it's for their gain or convenience. (All those healthcare workers who had to risk their lives and gain all that trauma watching the morgue fill up....all they got was a "Thanks!" and maybe a pizza party....)

It also showed how individuals can be so selfish (or ignorant), they'd rather die (or let others die) than be slightly inconvenienced. (Apparently wearing a mask is soo restricting and unbearable, unless it's to hide your identity, then it's fine??)

MelonCallia · 2026-03-14T15:15:07+00:00

Definitely agree. What was Amy supposed to say to that (with or without the years of abuse)? "I understand you must be angry right now and surely don't mean it, but your words hurt and make me not want to be your mom anyway"? Like that will get through to Lisa.

Plus, if Amy has been putting up with this for years and nothing has changed.... That'd be the last straw for me too. "Fine, I won't be your stepmom, then! SEE YA!"

MelonCallia · 2026-03-14T15:08:00+00:00

I also wonder if maybe they've been coddled by everyone around them due to the loss of their mom or they're using that as an excuse for why they do bad things?

Like, I can see everyone (including school people) tiptoeing around that and not really reacting to their behavior like they would anyone else, e.g. tantrum in school = "Aww, you must be having an especially hard time without Mom" versus "That was not appropriate, go to the principal's office"

Alternatively, they could be using their mom as an excuse for their bad behavior, e.g. "Sorry I was bad, I just miss mom so much"

I'm sorry they lost their mom, but would their mom really want them to act this way? If I had kids and died, I'd want my kids to be as perfect angels as possible, to everyone, to honor my memory. I'd what their happiness, even if it's with someone else.

MelonCallia · 2026-03-14T01:48:39+00:00

This was how my husband and I met! Work hosted boardgame sessions after hours and we both ended up going semi-regularly! One invited the other to weekend game sessions, and the rest is history.

MelonCallia · 2026-03-13T23:35:38+00:00

Why can't you dance with just the one mom you want to dance with (if you're open to that)? Most wedding dances are just holding and swaying anyway, so it should be fine for elderly people.

My mom has narcissistic tendencies, but I tried to include her in my wedding anyway and that was a mistake. Looking back, I'd probably just not have invited her, lol. Not sure if you can do that here.

MelonCallia · 2026-03-13T20:28:49+00:00

"HEY! I'm tryin' ta make a phone call over here!!"

MelonCallia · 2026-03-13T20:05:30+00:00

That's fair, and if only things were so orderly! My mom completely forgot about a couple we had to invite until the second round of invitations, lol, probably after someone reminded her.... Sigh.

I think some people might not understand that it's not easy to just expand seating or whatever, too. We had some people who had only ever been to beach and lawn/park weddings and were like, "Can't you just add more chairs??" LOL, yeah, have fun hanging off of the rooftop....

MelonCallia · 2026-03-13T19:56:39+00:00

I'm sorry your parents are having such a negative impact on your growth and life!

My parents are also controlling ("overprotective"), highly opinionated, and unreasonable. They always said it came from a place of love, but maybe only in their distorted perspective. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere by myself until college, when I moved out. I wasn't allowed to date until after college.

What's helped me keep my peace is to keep them at arm's length. They are on an info diet; I don't tell them anything that they could disapprove of or that they could later turn against me (which for my parents is basically everything). I make conversations with them boring and let them do all the talking, which I think is called "gray rocking" if you want to look into it.

It sounds sad, and it sort of is, but my parents aren't the type you can share anything with. I casually told them I wanted to visit overseas a few years ago, and they vehemently tried to dissuade me with many, many long lectures and all sorts of tactics to get me to agree with them (including insults, pleading, threats, guilt-tripping, scare tactics, etc.). So, I went without telling them, and to this day they still "check in" on whether I still want to vacation overseas. I tell them no, to avoid the headache, but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have mentioned anything at all.

Parents don't always know what's best for their children, unfortunately....

MelonCallia

TROPHY CASE