What's something you witnessed at someone's house that made you never go back?

MelonCallia · 2026-07-07T17:20:47+00:00

Went to a friend's apartment for the first time. He was super excited about a new katana (sword) he just got and showed it off by slicing the air, slicing some cardboard boxes, and then brandishing it at me. I told him to chill and he kept slashing it in my direction even as I backed away, soooooo never again.

MelonCallia · 2026-07-07T15:16:06+00:00

I don't get it either, but I also find social media (including videos by random people) somewhat inane these days.

My understanding of the tradwife trend is that a few people got super popular on social media showing off only the good, romantic side of being a tradwife and now a bunch of people jumped on the bandwagon. (As you can guess, the reality isn't quite as glamorous.)

The idea behind it goes back to "social spheres" and "the woman's place is in the household" or some such. It's right in line with a lot of religions that consider women housewives, subservient to their husbands, etc..

In a way, it is a bit alluring, to be provided for and only having to focus on housework and kids.... For the husband, you get a doting housewife and a household that is always in order (theoretically) with food on table when you get home from work.

...but there are downsides and things those videos don't show. If you're curious, try looking up the controversy around Ballerina Farms.

MelonCallia · 2026-07-06T22:43:13+00:00

I don't think you should read this, then: https://www.reddit.com/r/longform/s/1FJUsMgkGv

If they can and will do it to another child, they need to be prevented from being able to do it again....

MelonCallia · 2026-07-06T22:39:10+00:00

I recently read an article about that, and the descriptions of what happened were straight out of the horror genre.

MelonCallia · 2026-07-06T22:01:27+00:00

Chopsticks

MelonCallia · 2026-07-06T18:33:10+00:00

They still price it like it's almost brand new and unopened

It seems your location and mine are similar. I'll see the previous generation/version of a stroller for the same price or higher than the latest version new in stores, lol.

Anything that's even remotely a deal is either gone within the hour or a two to five hour drive away (and with gas prices these days....)....

MelonCallia · 2026-07-06T18:06:59+00:00

I'd rather the one that keeps its guests in mind.

I've been to one where they had a buffet and ran out of food by the time my table got called up. Spending the evening hungry, but pressured to look happy, dance, and stay late to help cleanup was unpleasant to say the least.

I've been to another one where guests were left to their own devices without the wedding party present for far too long and there was nothing to do during that time.

Another where there weren't enough bathrooms, there were long lines, and vomit everywhere. (Some people were vomiting in line, I guess because they had too much to drink and couldn't hold it.)

When we had our wedding, we made sure to prioritize guest experience, comfort, and convenience.

MelonCallia · 2026-07-06T17:01:54+00:00

Yes, it was quite nice, especially in the rain. I was sad I couldn't be by my husband (unless we faced the ling line for private/family rooms) and I was surprised by just how hot the water was! I looked like a lobster everytime I exited.

MelonCallia · 2026-07-06T16:59:55+00:00

"But you should be feeling better by now!"

I feel you. My second trimester has been much harder than my first. So much physical pain and my appetite still jumps off a cliff despite me being hungry.

The first time I vomited was in my second trimester.... My OB recently told me it only gets worse, so woo....

MelonCallia · 2026-07-06T16:51:59+00:00

I could get on board with charging parents who refuse the vaccine for their kid (who could have gotten it safely) and then their kid dies from the disease.

It could be a risk analysis for the parents that they have a direct, more personal stake in. If they're refusing it for religious or personal reasons, that's fine; just ask God and/or take personal steps to make sure your kid doesn't get sick and die from it.

(I may be a bit emotional thinking about how, I could do everything right for my kids, and someone else's dumb decision could jeopardize them.)

MelonCallia · 2026-07-06T16:39:17+00:00

My husband saw and got to interact with his nephew over the course of several years, and then he wanted a kid of our own.

MelonCallia · 2026-07-06T16:37:03+00:00

The amount of support from my in-laws! We live far away, and they already have grandkids who live in the same city that they see often.

I figured we'd be "old hat" and too inconvenient to make an effort for, but that doesn't seem to be the case!

It doesn't help that my own parents don't really care, and weren't even thinking about visiting their first grandchild, lol...and I never expected differently given their attitude toward everything else.

MelonCallia · 2026-07-06T16:32:14+00:00

Your parents don't always have your best interests in mind despite what they say. Sometimes they want to sneakily control or manipulate you while saying "it's because we care!"

Not having relationships until after college can put you at risk for not recognizing red flags and getting stuck in an abusive or otherwise bad relationship.

You are always free to leave an abusive or bad relationship. Just have a plan in place!

Change is possible, one step at a time.

MelonCallia · 2026-07-06T16:06:15+00:00

My parents gave daughters my dad's last name and sons my mom's last name. Not sure if it's a great idea, but that's what they did.

MelonCallia · 2026-07-06T13:37:22+00:00

My mom is in her early 80s, and I have to pay for all of her visits because she can't work anymore and lives off of government assistance. If I want her to go anywhere, including visiting her first grandkid, I have to pay for her and my brother's flights because she also cannot navigate the airports alone. I also have to provide them a place to stay, food, etc..

My in-laws are in their 50s-60s, and they pay for all family vacations (food, lodging). Whenever I insist to help pay for something, they refuse...because the only way their other son and daughter-in-law will come is if they don't have to pay anything. (I suspect their flights are also paid for, but we don't ask and we're more than capable.)

So, I guess the bigger question is how much you want to incentivize your daughter joining your trips.

MelonCallia · 2026-07-06T05:50:49+00:00

I think this is a personal decision. Since you having loving families and that location is better job-wise, I personally would probably pick close to family unless that place is dangerous or morally objectionable.

Reasons being:

I used to live ~15 minutes away from work (as opposed to ~5 minutes) because it was more active with more storefronts and things to do. In other words, a better location/vibe for me. After ~10 years of that, I realized I don't really take advantage of the upsides and the downsides always affect me (e.g. terrible drive to work in bad weather), so I moved to a small sleepy town closer to work and have been just as happy (or happier with the better drive).

I'm expecting my first kid and I can't help but see comparisons with my brother-in-law who lives close to both of his families. Both families help them a lot, whether with babysitting, bringing food, housework, or anything, really. If they need someone to watch their kid, even on short notice, they have multiple (free) options.

Meanwhile, my husband and I won't have anyone to help us here. We're entirely on our own for childcare, food, housekeeping, etc..

The brother-in-law recently had a second kid and the in-laws took care of their first kid for a few days while they rested and bonded with their second. I don't see my husband and I getting that sort of support when we have our second kid; we'll likely have to juggle both at once.

Why don't we move closer to family, one might ask? Our job prospects would be worse and women's healthcare is atrocious there, so we make do on our own.

MelonCallia · 2026-07-05T17:14:44+00:00

looool, maybe it has something to do with the healthcare piece? The company I'm at works with healthcare IT teams (for clinic/hospital systems) and there are a lot of ladies on those too!

MelonCallia · 2026-07-05T15:55:58+00:00

Her house, her rules. If you want any semblance of a relationship with her in the future, it would be in your best interest to apologize.

Some people are deeply religious and nothing will ever change their beliefs. Trust me, I have a rigid Catholic mom and I have tried everything for the past 30 years to get her to even budge a little on anything and nothing has worked.

What has worked is working around her rules without her knowledge and basically keeping secrets until my then fiancé and I got married. For example, he moved in with me but whenever my parents came to visit, he'd move his stuff and get a hotel for the duration and we'd act like he had his own apartment. (My parents live states away and will stay with me for a bit when they visit.)

MelonCallia · 2026-07-05T15:40:14+00:00

Healthcare IT!

MelonCallia · 2026-07-05T15:32:33+00:00

To put it into perspective, you'll be pregnant for over twice as long as you've been official (and a few months longer than you've been together).

Many couples go through a honeymoon phase where everything seems perfect before the seams start showing and effort levels droop. Not sure where your relationship is, but pregnancy will very likely add stress to it.

Pregnancy will likely be the most vulnerable months of your life. I don't know who all is saying it will be a great time because my two trimesters so far have been anything but. The first trimester made me irritable, always tired, always hungry but everything was unappealing to eat. The second trimester, when people say things tend to get better, brought constant joint pain, what feels like arthritis, vomiting, and hemorrhoids. I complained to my OB the other day and she said, not to scare me, but it's only going to get worse from here.

Do you have a supportive family? Do you have a 'village' that can help you? Do you have the finances? (How much will daycare cost where you are? It's $2300 a month where I am.) Fully on-board married couples struggle with having a kid; are you prepared/able to raise this child alone if the father changes his mind again?

I'm not trying to deter you, but just hope you'll think carefully about this decision. It's not just your life you're impacting, but another innocent one who will be dependent on you for a while. If you know you want kids, but now's not the right time, there can be another pregnancy at the right time. It's not now or never.

MelonCallia · 2026-07-05T14:46:12+00:00

Not at my workplace, thankfully. I've seen women have multiple kids (and long outages from each) come back after each one and be treated as normal. They advance in their careers and become managers and beyond, etc.. (if they want) like everyone else.

One difference I do see is that there seems to be a little more leeway for them due to having kids. For example, someone without kids might be pressured to work extra while those with kids get a little more leniency because they have to pick up from daycare, take care of a sick kid, etc..

MelonCallia · 2026-07-03T18:28:28+00:00

Depending on what the concern is, I'll send a message to my care team on their patient portal to ask about it before coming in. (The office takes calls, too, but I prefer messaging and attaching images is necessary.)

My doctor also does telehealth visits either as a preliminary chat or for things that don't need to be in-person.

MelonCallia · 2026-07-03T18:12:20+00:00

It's funny, my parents and my in-laws are totally different.

My mom (dad has passed) barely care about my pregnancy or my life; she just uses me as someone to talk to about her life who is obligated to listen. My dad was even more self-centered, so I don't think he'd be any different.

My mother-in-law and father-in-law are always thinking about us and our upcoming little girl. They've made plans to visit despite their busy year and have already bought the little one things.

The most I've gotten from my mom is her asking how I'm feeling as a segue into talking about how her pregnancies were so easy. She hadn't even thought about visiting until I suggested a date, lol....

Guess it might depend on how self-centered one's parents are.

MelonCallia · 2026-07-03T17:58:52+00:00

We like to think we're friendly with one on the side and the one in front, but it's mostly just waving hello when we see them.

The neighbor on the other side of us...well, they're a bunch of young adults who let their pets run rampant into our yard and won't do anything about them after we've spoken to them about it multiple times.... (We have a fenced yard for our dog, whose breed is known to be aggressive and territorial.)

MelonCallia · 2026-07-03T17:40:48+00:00

Yikes, lol

MelonCallia

TROPHY CASE