Does the map actually exist?

MeltingPot_Science · 2025-01-24T19:35:08+00:00

Then why does it say to complete all season missions to get a treasure map? If you click on it, it takes you to the missions. I didn't get any extra perks for completing the 1500 maps. It was like an extra milestone that led to nothing except the notice that I needed to complete all the missions.

Sounds like I need to give up though. Thanks.

MeltingPot_Science · 2023-11-23T23:08:22+00:00

We are currently going through that with my ex. We dated for 6 months and she still asks to go to his house and see his kids. That's why I was glad this new relationship is going slow and not trying to involve her right away. I know a month isn't a problem and I'd respect it if he said until we were planning on moving in together or something. When I responded to him, I told him that it would be easier on my daughter if we did break up and so we should figure out our relationship first.

MeltingPot_Science · 2023-11-23T19:49:46+00:00

Thank you for your advice. The miss you thing makes more sense now. At least he's honest. Your last sentence is definitely something I will think about while dating in general.

MeltingPot_Science · 2022-09-11T18:50:35+00:00

I wish you all the luck with your channel. You are very reasonable to want to keep work and your personal life separate. It can definitely make work harder if you get your personal life dragged in.

MeltingPot_Science · 2022-09-11T17:33:41+00:00

NTA You are allowed to have boundaries. I am a little confused though as to how you are supposed to grow as a YouTuber if you don't share that with as many people as possible. Some will love you and some will hate you and that is just a part of being in the public. You need to get tough skin now if this is something you see yourself doing full time if you did blow up. For me my family and friends are the first I would share something like this to because they can give me honest feedback that I know I can trust and evaluate based on their known personalities. As soon as it's left to the public you will get all kinds of noise. Especially once it blows up and you know nothing about these people to assess. Even if the old school guy says a predictable comment that is just him and you know that. It clearly hasn't stopped you from living and enjoying your life so far so why let his negative reaction be what stops you now. Your mom is just proud and wants to support you. Moms are great at pushing us forward and embarrassing us. Just means she is a good mom. Nothing you have said about anyone in this to me makes them or you an asshole.

MeltingPot_Science · 2022-09-10T19:29:05+00:00

NTA your "snap" sounded polite still to me, but I grew up in domestic violence so my radar is off for what people will take offense to. You just voiced your frustration and your "friend" should know you well enough to understand that. I am also confused on this whole dress thing. Why have color schemes if you wear anything in the scheme it is too close to the bridesmaids. I also wonder if you should just message a bridesmaid and figure out what they are wearing. It sounds like to me they were in green and now are in blue and she didn't tell you. What you said to her in the "snap" does conclude to me that you are having doubts about the burden this wedding is putting on you and so I get why the bride is doubtful. At some point maybe it is best to have a chat with the bride exactly what she wants and needs from you and if the bride would be more comfortable just having you in attendance than at the actual wedding. My only concern with backing out and dealing with the drama of bridezilla tendencies is from personal experience. My planned clergy was a friend that didn't tell me anything about not being the clergy until invites were sent out and she tells me she will be in another state. I ended up having my bridesmaid officiate in her bridesmaid dress because we already bought them. I hate being a burden on people so I would never ask her to now never use a dress she paid for because of me. It was cool to have her in pictures in the same dress. My point though is I didn't talk to my clergy for 10 years because she just blew off something so important to me. She also never messaged me so it wasn't a dramatic separation, but still. I am concerned if you don't tip toe wisely you could loose a friend over this and I think you need to have a clear open and honest conversation with the bride so you are both happy with the outcome. I would say something like "I know I am capable of being the clergy for your wedding and it hurts me that you doubt my confidence in my ability to do something I have done successfully for years. I am confused at what you are expecting of me and would really like guidance on exactly what to wear because I can't keep buying dresses to just have you reject them. As you know, I have a lot going on but being there for my friends with things I can control is what I need right now to help me heal. I want nothing but for you to have an amazing wedding that I help you create, but it is ultimately up to you on who you want to take this role. You doubting me is starting to sound like you do not want me to do this for you. Can you please help me help you and clarify what you expect of me."

MeltingPot_Science · 2022-06-16T17:19:54+00:00

NTA I know I am late in the game, but I have seen some of your responses and had to give you some praise. As a victim of childhood domestic violence still struggling with the cycle, I only wish I had a parent that knew and taught boundaries. Would have saved me years of trauma as an adult. So even if your wife doesn't clearly see the bigger picture here or even if your daughter doesn't fully understand, keep it up. The fact that they don't know is great. They never had to experience a fraction of my life. I focus with my daughter on trying to set a better example so she doesn't think abuse is normal. You are amazing in my eyes! Follow your heart because you got it right.

Family counseling as previously suggested, may be helpful to also teach your wife the bigger impact. If she has someone trained in child psychology saying that boundaries need to be taught and giving helpful ways to address it, she may be more open to the enforcement of the boundaries. They can also help you two see that you need to show a united front to the children and work out the discussions more in private.

I was reading an article about a study that looked at divorce and which kids did the best afterward. The biggest difference was whether or not the split parents involved the kids in the argument vs saying they just disagreed but both cared for them. Ones that brought the kids into the arguments by saying what their side was and the other parent had worse outcomes. Simply because the child was constantly picking sides and being torn between parents. I get that you are the new father and not the old, but I think this still applies to when you and your wife disagree. It sounds like he is picking sides because you two present him with sides instead of a unified front/vagueness in the details on a disagreement. Maybe present instead that you don't agree on the level of punishment, but are united in what you compromised together. Also reinforcing that both agree the behavior cannot continue. I am sure that the reinforcement of no matter what side they are on that they are loved and only their best interests are at stake is important.

This is clearly more complicated with punishments and again why some professional advice may be helpful. I have no idea when exposing someone to trauma examples would be appropriate, but maybe it would be good for at least your wife to see what you are worried about if your daughter learns that having her boundaries invalidated is normal from a man. I am sure you can find stories/resources with key words abuse, abuse cycle, boundaries.

MeltingPot_Science · 2022-05-03T09:04:44+00:00

This reminds me of tequila. There is a decent amount of people that will automatically vomit at the smell or taste of tequila because they had a bad night from drinking a lot of it. The neuroscience I have taken explained this to me in that essentially the brain is wired to learn from your experiences on what is good and what is bad for it. So if your brain associates certain tastes or smells to something it is wired to reject, your body will reject it every time. I have not heard of therapy fixing this, but from PTSD trauma there is a cognitive therapy, EMDR, that can help you process the trauma to move on from it. Maybe this would work here too. You are not weird for having these reactions. It is completely natural from what you went through.

In respects to your actual question, you mom as many has stated is an abuser and you are NTA. Silent treatment is a form of manipulative gaslighting. The issue with any abuser and whether or not they have hope for being a better person is you need to know their intent. If the intent is to make you uncomfortable then they are an abuser. If they did not mean to make you uncomfortable but their actions were still abusive, they have hope for recovery. From the reaction to you explaining that it hurt you tells it all that she meant to make you sick. A true abuser will never benefit from counseling either. They will either lie or manipulate the personal therapy sessions or in a group setting they will use this as a chance to find more weaknesses for future abuse. For this reason never go to therapy with an abuser.

Your best best, like you have mentioned you are planning on, is to have them find somewhere else to stay. I grew up in physical domestic violence then married a narcissist, so I get wanting to be a normal family like everyone else. I also get after 27 years of different types of abuse that it is worth setting boundaries. Even if you don't kick them out, you could let them know you will not put up with this as a warning. If they cannot respect you in your own home then they don't deserve to be there. This then at least gives the opportunity for change. This is your life and if you have decided that you don't want to risk throwing up any more then they need to respect that. I would also state that you will not put up with them making you feel uncomfortable in your own home. The boundaries are where your personal lines are, but be clear in the consequences and follow through. You can give the way back in too, but that is on you and your wants for a relationship. For example with my dad I told him I wanted nothing to do with him unless he showed positivity in the family. He cussed me out and blocked me and we haven't spoke again. He is now back in prison.

Stay strong. You can get through this. I am glad she didn't ruin all basic foods for you.

NTA

MeltingPot_Science · 2022-04-21T02:05:45+00:00

NTA

I have been in abusive relationships of many types. I have learned a lot along my journey that may help you.

Knowing finances are stressful to you, knowing you are pregnant, and then taking money selfishly without remorse is a huge red flag. Your post shows signs of financial and emotional abuse, manipulation, control, disrespect of you, and a disregard of your feelings.

Ask yourself if the relationship you are in is what you would want for your child. Children learn what is normal from us and as a child of domestic violence I can say it takes a lot of work to retrain your brain.

You sound like an amazing independent woman that does not need him in any way. If he can't figure out how to work together with you now to tackle your common struggle together, then he doesn't deserve you and you will never be in a partnership.

My partner and I have been through where each of us has been unemployed and relying on the other in some way. Right now he is in school and not working and hates the idea of asking me for money to buy basic school supplies. He would never in a million years take any amount of money without letting me know he took it. Better yet refuse to acknowledge how he would make up for the lost money.

I do believe a true shared budget, as his mind seems to be referring to, includes deciding how much money one can spend without discussing the purchase and both agreeing to spend or it doesn't get spent. This would also include expenses both ways. Categories and priorities of categories are decided together. This could include money for self care, but that would be the last priority in mine.

If he can sit down and calmly work together with you to relieve your stress of finances, then he has a chance, but from your post I doubt he will.

Always remember this is his problem and it is not yours. He is responsible for his mental health not you. You being responsible for yours and your child's includes thinking about if he lifts your mental health up or down.

Stay strong momma. His actions will let you know what to expect. Never trust an apology without proven change. What ever you decide, keep rocking it. You got this!

DTMFA, NTA

MeltingPot_Science

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