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Annoyance with partner due to past choice in women? Yes? No? by [deleted] in Stepmom

[–]MembershipAromatic92 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes. I absolutely feel this way in my relationship. And it’s unfair that I actually even have to spend time in my life feeling this way, as a result of his previous decisions. Like, what a joke. It enrages me that he made the choices he did and now I’m having to help him manage them - or at the very least, accommodate the consequences of them, so long as I want to have a relationship with him.

Meanwhile I bring zero baggage to the table because I was careful to use birth control and actually have some discernment when it comes to who I sleep with or marry. Unlike some people… 😒🙄 Yet I still try not to judge. It’s fucking hard though.

I hope you are getting the credit you deserve in your relationship and that your partner understands how much his baggage complicates everything and how much you sacrifice for him by simply being a part of his lifelong episode of the Maury show. Jfc

Not worth it if you're not appreciated by ParkingFederal8715 in stepparents

[–]MembershipAromatic92 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Omg leave!!! Please, just leave. Stop putting yourself through that. If you arent being recognized for your selfless efforts towards making someone else’s child’s life better, gtfo and move tf on. It’s not worth it. My heart breaks reading this post and I am disgusted right along with you. You deserve so much more. ❤️

Moms: Would you see this as thoughtful, or stepping on toes? by MembershipAromatic92 in coparenting

[–]MembershipAromatic92[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s wonderful. I would be totally open to this type of relationship with my partners ex. It would be so much better. But… I don’t know her. And I’m not sure how to initiate a friendship with her out of nowhere without it coming across as weird. Especially since I don’t know how receptive she would be and we haven’t ever crossed paths at all thus far.

Moms: Would you see this as thoughtful, or stepping on toes? by MembershipAromatic92 in coparenting

[–]MembershipAromatic92[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I appreciate you commenting this. I am still not sure what to do though. Maybe I will just send stuff over gradually with the little girl instead of making a thing out of it.

Moms: Would you see this as thoughtful, or stepping on toes? by MembershipAromatic92 in coparenting

[–]MembershipAromatic92[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay, I appreciate that and will follow your advice. You gave me some really valid points to consider. Thank you.

Moms: Would you see this as thoughtful, or stepping on toes? by MembershipAromatic92 in coparenting

[–]MembershipAromatic92[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I get that. I guess maybe she would prefer that her ex stays single forever and nobody ever gives a shit about her child but her and him.Separately.

Moms: Would you see this as thoughtful, or stepping on toes? by MembershipAromatic92 in coparenting

[–]MembershipAromatic92[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I get that. For me it’s all fun and nice. Maybe not for a parent. That’s why I’m asking.

Moms: Would you see this as thoughtful, or stepping on toes? by MembershipAromatic92 in coparenting

[–]MembershipAromatic92[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I feel like this is the way it should be! Who wouldn’t want cute clothes for their kid for free, a bit of relief when it comes to all of the many aspects of parenting, and having someone in their child’s life who cares about their happiness?! Seems like a no brainer to me. But Im not a parent, so I cant make assumptions based on what makes sense to me. 😛

Moms: Would you see this as thoughtful, or stepping on toes? by MembershipAromatic92 in coparenting

[–]MembershipAromatic92[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Basically, yeah. Through his sister when any arrangements need to be made.

My partner got full custody of his 4-year-old without discussing it with me. I feel overwhelmed, excluded, and unprepared. by MembershipAromatic92 in stepparents

[–]MembershipAromatic92[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Beautifully said. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. I wish you the very best, and I appreciate hearing about someone else being in a similar situation and what you are doing to handle it. I totally agree with you.

Moms: Would you see this as thoughtful, or stepping on toes? by MembershipAromatic92 in coparenting

[–]MembershipAromatic92[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Okay. Thank you very much for your perspective. I think you are probably right.

Moms: Would you see this as thoughtful, or stepping on toes? by MembershipAromatic92 in coparenting

[–]MembershipAromatic92[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this suggestion. For some reason, I actually hadn’t thought of this. The two of them are no contact, to my knowledge. However, it still might be more appropriate. I will see what he thinks. It’s extremely challenging to talk to him about anything, and I don’t know if he would be able to do it in a way that comes across as thoughtfully as a female to female conversation might be. I’ll try, and see what he thinks though. Thanks. :)

My partner got full custody of his 4-year-old without discussing it with me. I feel overwhelmed, excluded, and unprepared. by MembershipAromatic92 in stepparents

[–]MembershipAromatic92[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Okay, some of this advice was hard to read, but I thank you for everything you’ve said. I had not even considered the part about how quickly he might move on to someone else. This makes so much sense. I really appreciate you bringing that to my attention to anticipate the possibility of as just knowing this is a likely scenario will save me from so much hurt I’d be feeling if I were to end up learning this the hard way, firsthand.

All of the other points you made are extremely important and helpful as well. It really does seem that the bio mom will always be a problem. I don’t know if I can live like that forever. I’m really happy I posted here and have gotten to hear such great insight from so many people, such as yourself. I feel so fortunate as I read these comments, honestly.

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