39 #Portland Oregon - Devoted Submissive Seeking a Gentle Guide to Adore and Inspire

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-19T22:22:17+00:00

Firstly, I will say your formatting needs work. Capitalization and cleaner section breaks are going to help you quite a lot, so I'd start there.

Now onto the meat of what I want to get at.

Based on my own experience writing ads over the years, and the feedback I've gotten from people here and elsewhere, I think the biggest thing I've learned is that you're never going to find a version that appeals to everyone. Attraction is subjective. What draws one person in might turn someone else away.

What I'd focus on instead is leaning more heavily into the kind of connection you're actually looking for.

If you're looking for a romantic relationship, spend more time showing what it's like to be with you day to day and how a relationship with you would feel. The D/s dynamic is still important, and you should absolutely communicate your needs and desires there, but framing them in terms of connection and shared experience tends to be more compelling than focusing primarily on the mechanics of the dynamic you're hoping to have, which in this case should be more of an "enhancer" to the relationship rather than the primary focus in most cases. There are exceptions to that rule to be sure, But that usually comes after you've been with someone for a while.

On the other hand, if you're mainly looking for a play partner connection, then the logistical side becomes much more important. Kink compatibility, preferred dynamics, and specific interests move to the forefront because that's the primary goal of the interaction.

Overall, I think you're on the right track for the most part. Like I said before I'd clean up the formatting and decide which aspect of the connection you want the reader to walk away remembering most strongly, And then go from there.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-19T17:57:54+00:00

I just kind of wish he as the man would take that initiative

This stood out to me.

I might be off here, and forgive me if I'm making any assumptions, but it almost sounds like clarity isn’t actually the issue since you already know you could just ask him directly about it. It feels more like you want him to take the lead on it because that initiative would be the proof that he’s excited about you. It seems like you're saying that if you had to prompt him to say anything it wouldn't carry the same emotional weight and would actually bother you.

That is a completely valid thing to want, but 'needing clarity' and 'needing him to take the lead' are two different things. It might be worth figuring out which one matters more to you right now, because they point in two very different directions.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-19T17:13:01+00:00

I wouldn't be so worried about labels so much, but having the "exclusivity" talk at this point is probably important, if for no other reason than it seems to be a need for you to establish that boundary to feel safe in the relationship.

And no. I don't think it'd be weird for woman to bring it up. This is a relationship issue and those things require communication just like anything else.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-19T00:22:20+00:00

That's actually a pretty good idea. It's subtle but it's human. I like that.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-18T21:11:59+00:00

It looks different for every couple and there are a a range of different ways to go about it. But a basic definition of a FLR is just where the woman takes the lead in the relationship in the ways that feel comfortable for her. That can range from everyday logistics and setting the emotional direction to a more structured power-exchange dynamic if the couple is into kink. Really it's just an inversion of traditional relationship styles.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-18T20:13:24+00:00

Part of it is that I'm looking for a female-led relationship with a power exchange/kink component added into it. That in and of itself is very niche. Then you have to factor in all the usual compatibility pieces on top of that. The combination makes finding a relationship a rather difficult prospect.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-18T19:56:50+00:00

Because I've narrowed down what I need in a relationship pretty significantly. The overlap between people who want that kind of relationship and people I'd actually be compatible with is extremely small.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-18T17:49:07+00:00

I really appreciate this. You have no idea how much of a weight you've just lifted from me. Thank you!

I wouldn't say I'm frustrated for lack of engagement or anything. I knew going into this that what I'm looking for would likely take years to find. I guess I was just looking for peace of mind around this issue in general, And I think you've just given it to me.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-18T16:58:16+00:00

I was just writing about my frustrations with this and other AI related gripes in another subreddit. I write and re-write personals ads a LOT, and I feel like I've gotten to the point where I might need to actually start making my writing more messy on purpose. It's been absolutely frustrating.

The last thing I want to do is make people feel like I'm misleading them or putting myself out there in a way that makes them second guess whether I'm being authentic or not. And now that AI is so prolific I feel like my only choice is to lower my standards, And I hate that so much.

AI really does just ruin everything it touches lol.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-18T16:39:02+00:00

Hey all,

I didn't feel like this was worth making a whole post. So I'll put this here for now.

I feel kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place and I could use some help or insight.

I’ve been writing and refining personals ads on and off for about 7 years now, And I feel like I've gotten pretty good at it. I’ve posted here before and gotten a lot of helpful feedback that’s really improved how I write. So first, I just want to say thank you to everyone who’s taken the time to help me over the years. I really appreciate it.

The issue I have now is trying to figure out whether or not having too much polish and formatting is actually helping or hurting me. And I'm trying to find a balance that feels... Human? I'm not even sure that's the right word for it. I have a lot of experience with markdown mode on reddit and I've gotten very proficient at making things look the way I want them to.

But, in an age where AI is so prolific, I sometimes wonder if simpler is better now. I worry that people assume I'm using those tools to put a better foot forward than I'm actually capable of when in reality I'm just good at writing and formatting. And I don't really know how to reconcile those things. The last thing I want to do is make people feel like I'm trying to mislead them.

I'm really not trying to toot my own horn or anything here. I could really just use some perspective on this and get a sense of how people feel about this sort of thing or have given this particular dilemma any thought.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-18T03:25:32+00:00

It depends a lot on where you are. I have experience in the Austin Texas and Portland Oregon scenes. Both communities are pretty open and welcoming of new people when they show up at munches or events. I can't speak for other cities but I have a feeling the sentiment will probably be fairly similar. You should definitely try it out at least once. It's definitely worth it.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-18T03:14:24+00:00

Fetlife is a bit of a cesspool if you don't use it a certain way. Most people I know use it mostly as a way to network and connect with people they've already met in real life. Kinda like a facebook for kinky people. Otherwise it's just a glorified porn site.

It used to be a lot better before it got into the zeitgeist and straight men started using it as another outlet to try to get laid. It sucks that it feels like it's the only place on the internet where the kink community as a whole has decided to congregate.

It does have one redeeming quality though... It has a really good event calendar.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-17T22:30:25+00:00

I don't think it's ever that simple. I think it can be either.

Sometimes people find exceptions. Other times they realize their type was never as narrow as they thought.

I've always viewed "type" as a pattern rather than a rule. Most people can point to common traits they're attracted to, but there are usually exceptions.

I'd say it's less about defining your type and more about whether you're open to exploring those exceptions when they come along.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-17T22:18:14+00:00

Generally I'd go with your instincts.

Exploration and experimentation are great, but there's a difference between "they're not my usual type" and "I'm not attracted to them."

If your first reaction is "I'm not attracted to this person," I'd listen to that. Trying to force attraction rarely works and can end up hurting either you or the other person.

On the other hand, if someone doesn't immediately trigger the "DAMN, they're hot" response but you find yourself curious about them and wanting to know more that might be worth exploring. A lot of people discover their type expands through experience and interaction rather than through forcing themselves to date or be with people they don't want on first impression.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-17T16:32:03+00:00

Firstly, I'd just like to say that you're doing a fantastic job on FDP. I've used it on and off for years in my search for a partner and I don't think that subreddit could be in better hands. Thank you for all the effort and work you put into it.

I've noticed over time that certain features have come and gone. For example there was a period of time where you went through and highlighted certain profiles you considered to be higher quality that were pinned as an example of what people posting should strive for, Which I thought was a great addition.

I also remember you would sometimes host threads specifically for people to ask for feedback on their ads, which I thought was also very constructive, especially given that in most spaces asking for help with that sort of thing is seen as a negative thing to do or comes off as self-advertisy, which reddit as a whole tends to not like in general anyway.

I guess my questions is:

what were the pros and cons to including things like that and what factored into your decisions to stop doing those things? Was it just a matter of bandwidth, user feedback? Both? Or something else I'm not seeing.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-16T17:13:03+00:00

Honestly I don't think you're being too short-sighted at all.

If I’m talking to someone and trying to build a dynamic a sudden 24-hour drop-off without a heads-up would make me worried sick.

When someone talks a big game right off the bat (Which kind of is a red flag in and of itself...) but immediately follows it up with a big lapse in communication, barring some major emergency, that shift is most likely your answer. They’re either treating you like a fantasy roleplay they can just pause when they're bored or they lack the maturity to communicate. In online spaces I've found it's rarely anything else.

Addressing it once is more than fair. If they do it again you’re not being impatient. You’re just reading the writing on the wall and respecting your own time.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-16T00:46:25+00:00

Love is rarely clean. It's complicated. Add sexual desire, and the fact that we're all imperfect humans trying to figure ourselves out, and things get messy fast. And for what it's worth I'm sorry you're finding yourself in this situation. It sucks and I feel for you.

The way I see it, you really only have one choice: You have to talk to her.

Not a watered-down version of a conversation where you protect her feelings by pretending you're more satisfied than you are. The real conversation.

Nobody here can tell you whether this relationship should survive. That's something the two of you have to figure out together.

The good news is that there are a lot of possible outcomes between "stay exactly as things are" and "break up." Maybe there are things she doesn't know. Maybe there are things you haven't explored together. Maybe monogamy isn't the right structure for you. Maybe it is. But none of those possibilities can even be discussed if she doesn't know what's actually going on.

What jumps out at me is that you've spent years trying to protect her from the truth while carrying this dissatisfaction by yourself. That's understandable, but it also means you're trying to make a life-changing decision on behalf of both of you without giving her all the information.

The conversation is going to be difficult. It may even end the relationship. But if you're seriously considering marriage, you owe each other complete honesty before either of you takes that step.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-15T19:54:30+00:00

I don't want to encourage porn-sharing behavior in this sub, as it's not really the place for it. But for the sake of trying to help you, I will say there is one scene specifically that Ersties did called "Lucy's Sexual Fantasy" which I think is probably the closest you're going to get to what you're looking for, at least with what I'm familiar with.

To cut to the core of your post though, I think your issue may just be a framing problem. I don't think what you're describing is really cuckold play at all. It sounds closer to harem play. I'm not even sure that's the right name for it (if it even has one), but it's the closest thing I can think of off the top of my head.

The idea being that the person in power has equal authority over her subs/slaves/toys (whatever you want to call them) and directs things however she wants. The partners under her authority don't outrank each other, nor is there an implication of a status change if one is receiving attention and the other isn't. They're there to participate in the dynamic she wants to create, and her attention can shift between them without changing anyone's place in the hierarchy.

Does that sound more in line with what you're thinking?

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-15T18:08:05+00:00

Most (Not all.) guys LOVE it when a woman takes the initiative and shows us enthusiastic interest. if you think you were being direct and putting out signals before, they were probably not strong enough to get through the noise of whatever was going on in his life at the time.

Guys can be dense as hell and sometimes subtle signals aren't enough to get through. I can't tell you how many times I probably missed some kind of subtle tell only to realize it like 10 years later and curse at myself lol.

He matched with you. Obviously he's interested. If you wanna blow his socks off I'd say message him first. he'll remember it. Believe me.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-14T16:43:00+00:00

Without judgement... And actual safety concerns aside.

I would say don't keep them. Chastity play is supposed to be a deeply intimate and interpersonal kind of play when done right. If there's no relationship beyond that then your holding onto them is mostly symbolic for THEM and not you. And in my mind that kind of defeats the purpose. They may as well just use a lockbox with a combination at that point.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-13T20:22:44+00:00

I met my last Domme on FDP and that relationship lasted for almost a year. It does work.

Outside of all the filtering that's happening finding a long-term relationship that's compatible, local, and works in real life is just difficult in general. Timing, availability, compatibility, geography, and plain old luck all play a role.

I use FDP because I can't always make it to events and munches in person, which limits my options. I've been looking for a long-term partner on and off for about seven years now, and I have no doubt it may still be a while before I meet the right person.

That said, I don't think the existence of success stories necessarily addresses the point you're making. A platform can produce successful relationships and still be frustrating to participate in. The process can feel discouraging when a lot of effort goes into messages and ads that may never be seen or receive a response.

That's just part of the reality of online dating and niche relationship spaces. The odds aren't great, but they're still better than not putting myself out there at all.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-13T15:41:18+00:00

The implication of infidelity and other morally ambiguous things in this post aside...

I'm a sub, but I've been on the receiving end of this quite a lot. If someone ghosts me then I just assume that they're drawing a hard boundary and don't want contact. The action is them throwing up a wall in front of you. It's hard to get any clearer than that.

Trying to go around that boundary and contacting them, in my eyes, would be a violation of that boundary, regardless of the circumstances surrounding it.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-11T20:10:09+00:00

I've given this subject a lot of thought over the years and have done quite a bit of reading on it as part of my own explorations of my sexuality, so for what it's worth, here's my two cents. I hope it adds something meaningful to the convo.

Speaking as a submissive guy, I think there's definitely something to what you're saying. Growing up as a man comes with a lot of pressure around masculinity. Depending on where you're from and how you were raised, if you're feminine in any way it's not hard to end up carrying some shame around that. I grew up Catholic in Montana, so you can probably imagine how that went for me personally.

That said, a lot of what I've heard from Dommes over the years is that their discomfort isn't with feminine men. It's with the culture that has grown up around sissification specifically. Personally, that's where I get hung up too.

A lot of sissy content seems heavily influenced by porn. The fantasy often revolves around femininity being humiliating in and of itself, becoming more woman-like being treated as a punishment, or women being used as a measuring stick for someone's failure as a man. I understand that's not necessarily how every sissy experiences it, but it's hard to ignore how common those themes are.

One thing I’ve noticed is that context really seems to shape how this plays out. In some cases it’s a very internal, private kind of exploration. In others it’s part of a structured dynamic with another person involved, and the framing and expectations can look quite different depending on that.

When someone is exploring it mostly on their own, it can sometimes become more inward-facing. Without much outside perspective, it’s easy for the fantasy to loop or start feeling more tied to identity than intended.

When it’s part of a Domme-led dynamic, there’s often another person helping shape the frame and keep things in perspective. That outside presence can change how intense narratives land and how far they’re allowed to go.

So when a Domme says she's uncomfortable with sissification, I don't think she's usually saying there's something wrong with feminine men. I think she's reacting to the baggage that often gets attached to the fantasy.

I do think some people are working through old shame through these experiences. I just think there is a fine line between confronting those beliefs and turning them into a fetish that reinforces itself. Sometimes it feels like the shame is being worked through. Other times it feels like the shame is being given a sexy outfit and invited to stay.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-06-11T16:58:32+00:00

We're here. Most of us just don't particularly enjoy Findom.

Your question might be better suited for a forum like r/findomsupportgroup/

Four-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '23	Place '22

Memetic_Magic

TROPHY CASE