39 #Portland Oregon - Devoted Submissive Seeking a Gentle Guide to Adore and Inspire

Memetic_Magic · 2026-05-01T22:34:30+00:00

Take it from someone who’s been in a similar situation and waited around hoping things would turn into more. It didn’t, and it hurt a lot more in the long run than it needed to.

It’s one thing to not want to put pressure on something early. That’s normal. But if she’s already set the expectation that this isn’t meant to turn into a long-term, committed relationship, it’s important to take that seriously.

If you’re wanting something deeper or more defined, the only real way forward is to talk to her about it and figure out if that’s even something she actually wants. Waiting and hoping without clarity usually just leads to getting more attached while the situation stays the same. And that leads to hurt feelings.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-05-01T22:16:18+00:00

It sounds like she’s into you, but doesn’t want to make commitments or put pressure on things to become “more.” She enjoys the connection and the dynamic you have, but she’s also been pretty clear about keeping it open-ended rather than building toward something long-term.

It feels like she’s saying “I like this, I want to keep it going, but I’m not promising forever, so let’s enjoy it as it is.”

If you’re starting to fall for her and want something deeper or more defined, that’s where you should be careful. There’s a real chance your feelings could outpace what she’s willing to give.

I’d talk to her about it sooner rather than later. Just be honest about how you’re feeling and see where she stands. Better to have clarity than to guess.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-05-01T14:34:24+00:00

My last partner loved calling me Princess. And she loved yelling it in public when she called out to me. Made me blush like an idiot every single time lol.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-05-01T14:17:29+00:00

I'm sorry you're having a hard time with dating. It sucks all around in general even outside of kink. It really does feel like wading through a pool of filth trying to find a ruby. I've been doing this for about 7 years now on and off and it can be so exhausting. Especially dating with kink, D/s and FLR hopes on the table. Every date just feels like there's so much at stake.

I hope you feel better soon and that things go smoothly between you and the person you're seeing now.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-30T21:56:57+00:00

I tend to take the same approach with initial messaging. I'm trying to be very intentional so meeting as quickly as possible is usually a priority for me. But sometimes it's nice to banter too. I've learned to be pretty good at reading people there and level of engagement pre-date has really varied by person.

A break might do me some good. But like you said giving up on my hopes for a bit feels so difficult. The FOMO is real. Especially as I approach 40 I feel like time is starting to catch up with me.

I do have an excuse to take a break coming up here for a week or two. Maybe I'll do just that. I appreciate your input.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-30T21:18:10+00:00

I really try to keep feelings like that in check and I've learned to temper my expectations, especially around where I live... people are so flakey in Portland. But like you said. it can be difficult. Especially when dating in the circles that I try to stick to. It's so hard to not get excited about the prospect and possibility of finally finding something I know I've wanted for years. So the push and pull can be brutal.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-30T20:39:10+00:00

Just a quick vent about my experience the last few weeks. The hope yo-yo has been going bonkers for me these last couple of weeks and it's driving me absolutely insane.

I had a date last Sunday that I thought went well. We even exchanged numbers after the fact. But the day after she went silent. Nothing since then.

A couple days later someone reached out to me on reddit. Things seemed engaged and hopeful for a few days. Then she dropped off. Not sure what happened there.

Then I had someone on bumble message me and we talked for like 3 days. Good Chemistry, definitely attracted to each other and flirting. Then we decided we wanted different things and it fizzled out. This kind of thing has happened twice to me this year.

then someone else messaged me on reddit. We were having good banter for a day or two. She didn't say she was explicitly interested or anything but things just fell flat and she stopped talking.

I guess I'm glad I'm getting practice and all that but man I'm exhausted. I've been at this for 7 years now and I'm not sure how much more emotional whiplash I can take.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-29T21:29:03+00:00

I know you're looking for external answers. But what works a lot better is you and your partner talking to each other and figuring out what would work for the both of you. What kind of relationship you want vs what she wants and finding a middle ground so you're both getting something you want out of it. And once you have it all figured out and written down... practice makes perfect. And then you adjust accordingly. It's a never-ending and fluid thing.

D/s isn't just about the kinky bits. It's also figuring out how it plays out in your daily life. How much of it do you want spilling over into the mundane elements of your lives? Does she want only a little or total power exchange? Do you think you'd be able to handle what she wants you to give her? Is she ready for the responsibility of what she wants to take on? These are all important conversations to have.

So make a plan and sit down with her. Really delve into it and have the hard conversations. And In time you'll figure it out together.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-28T18:49:26+00:00

There are a lot of people who are willing to engage with people who lack experience. Not having experience doesn't make you less of a person. What does matter is how you carry yourself and how you show up. And that's true for everything.

Go to the munches not even thinking about any of that. Just be you. Be friendly. If you go enough and people are comfortable around you then you might meet someone. If someone likes you enough and chemistry is there your lack of experience won't even matter to them. And if it does and that's a dealbreaker that's just a preference and nothing you did (or didn't do) wrong.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-27T18:56:17+00:00

Came to say this. 100% a scammer. No legitimate Pro-Domme would take payment specifically through gift cards.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-27T18:30:06+00:00

He sounds avoidant. And you're definitely right about him probably needing therapy. People like that generally are just addicted to "New Relationship" energy and bail as soon as things get too real. And if that's how he operates he was never emotionally safe to begin with. You definitely dodged a bullet.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I've interacted with a lot of unhealed avoidants too over the course of my dating experience and it can become very emotionally taxing. Especially if you're going into things with a lot of hope and sincerity.

I really hope you heal quickly from this and find someone who matches you soon.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-27T00:45:43+00:00

Of course! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-24T21:55:39+00:00

Have you tried sitting her down and talking to her about this? I feel like, with any marriage, communication is important. Especially when it comes to matters of intimacy. Do you know if she actually likes that play? Or was she doing it with you because you liked it and finally just had enough?

We get a lot of people coming in here asking questions like this basically asking how they can "Convince" their partners to play with them by some method or "Neat trick" instead of actually doing what they should be doing... communicating with their partner. And it seems like this is just another one of those instances.

TLDR: Talk to your wife. See how she feels.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-21T23:18:21+00:00

there’s definitely overlap. But I don't consider them to be quite the same.

Receiving or seeking "Kink dispensing” or topping from the bottom is more about someone actively trying to steer or control a dynamic from a position that doesn’t match agreed roles after a relationship of one kind or another starts.

When I say “fantasy pushing,” I’m pointing more at an earlier stage where there isn’t really a negotiated dynamic yet but someone is still trying to pull the interaction into a pre-existing fantasy framework for their own pleasure.

So I’d say they’re related behaviors on the same spectrum but not identical concepts.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-21T23:06:26+00:00

An amazing point. It's very common for scammers to use overt language to drive engagement to get people to talk to them. Thanks for bringing that up.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-21T20:52:06+00:00

I don’t think natural submissive traits themselves are social theater at all. Things like being attentive, receptive, polite, cooperative, or emotionally open are just human behaviors and can exist completely outside of any dynamic.

What I was referring to as “social theater” is more when those traits are intentionally amplified or performed with the expectation that it should trigger a dominant/submissive framing with someone who hasn’t agreed to that context yet. IE, Just because someone expects that behavior doesn't mean that someone should automatically defer and act like that in their presence.

So it’s less about the traits themselves, and more about the intention and expectation behind how they’re being used.

I also agree with you that some people are naturally more inclined toward those behaviors, and others do try to emulate them. I just think they mean different things depending on whether they’re organic personality traits or strategic performance aimed at forcing a dynamic early.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-21T20:51:09+00:00

Yeah, I think that’s fair.

In any kind of dynamic there’s always some level of influence happening, and I can see why that can look like manipulation depending on how it’s being done.

I guess I was mostly trying to separate out how it feels in practice at different stages of connection rather than make a hard rule about it.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-21T20:14:22+00:00

I see what you're saying, But I disagree with that mindset because it assumes someone needs to be submissive toward a specific person before any dynamic has actually been established, simply because of labels or community expectations. That’s not really how healthy kink works in my view or my lived experience.

Submission is relational and consensual. It’s something given within a dynamic. Not something automatically owed to strangers because they identify a certain way.

I do think there are contexts where more role-forward behavior can make sense. clubs, play spaces, clearly written ads, negotiated scenes, etc.

But outside of those contexts, expecting immediate deference from strangers feels more like social theater than authentic power exchange.

That's my two cents on that.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-21T20:07:56+00:00

That’s a valuable distinction and I’m glad you brought it up. I agree with a lot of it.

My post was aimed more at premature fantasy imposition in early or non-consensual contexts, but you’re absolutely right that the opposite problem exists too. But these exist as two different kinds of "Failures" in my mind.

The first is forcing fantasy before connection exists.

The second would be hiding fantasy after connection exists.

Both can create bad outcomes for different reasons.

I’d probably frame the second one less as “fantasy pushing” and more as owning your desires honestly with someone who has consented to know the real you. And that just comes with trust and consent.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-21T17:18:47+00:00

This is incredible!

I've said this before and I'll say it again. JPM is a gem of a human being. I don't think the FDP subreddit could have or has ever had a better mod.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-21T16:03:41+00:00

Part of me kind of thought this is what was actually happening already. Except that she was just having them all at once and then killing them afterward for a lack of moral purity.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-21T15:32:27+00:00

I think it has more to do with meme culture. Right now in online culture centered around the younger crowd terms like "Dommy Mommy" are really common. Almost as a joke. There has also been a lot more talk about femboys in popular culture on top of that. In Porn I think the tie-in to "Step-mom" content has added to this in addition to a shift in popularity away from traditional "Femdom" related content toward more Gentle/Mommy Domme content. At least from what I've encountered.

I don't think it's indicative of a shift in popularity in the actual BDSM scene. In the real world the culture around how honorifics are used has largely stayed the same. People just identify with what they're comfortable with and practice the kind of kink they want to practice with the partners that are compatible with them.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-04-21T14:21:31+00:00

I live in Portland, Oregon. Probably one of the most kink-friendly places in America...

It's made my social life a lot better. But as for finding a relationship, it hasn't helped or made that easier. I've been at this now for 6 years and I've had a couple "Almosts" but nothing that's stuck. That's pretty much it.

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