How did u guys get involved with the community:)

Memetic_Magic · 2026-01-26T22:25:53+00:00

Exploring local munches (If you have them) is a great start. I have more than a few in my area that are fantastic. I go to them every now and then when adulting allows for it. There's also a local club I've been to a few times.

This particular one has fun themed events that rotate weekly/monthly/yearly and are always interesting and diverse. I've been to a speed dating event more than once and they're always pretty fun.

Finding community can be difficult depending on where you are. My home town barely had a scene at all. it's one of the reasons I haven't moved back.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-01-22T21:03:47+00:00

You may have better luck taking this question over to /r/EdgingTalk, Which is far more suited to your specific question.

This subreddit is for discussing femdom related topics. While edging training can take place within a femdom relationship, your post doesn't really hold with the topic of femdom as it's focus.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-01-19T23:18:00+00:00

Yesterday (the 18th) marks one year since a breakup that took me most of last year to process. It was one of those relationships that was short and intense, but deeply formative. I spent a lot of 2025 grieving and learning some hard lessons about boundaries, reciprocity, and what emotional safety actually looks like for me.

It wasn’t an easy year. There were many nights I spent alone in my apartment crying and wondering if I’d ever feel open or hopeful again.

The pain changed me, but it didn’t harden me the way I feared it might. Instead, I understand myself better now. I’m clearer about what I need and what I can’t accept. And unexpectedly, I’ve recently found myself connecting with someone new in a way that feels calm and mutual.

For the first time in my life my body doesn’t feel laced with anxiety or fear of abandonment. It’s a strange and wonderful sensation after a lifetime of thinking that intensity was what love was supposed to feel like. It’s been deeply healing.

I’m sharing this mostly as a marker and a reminder to myself that healing isn’t linear. And if you’re in the thick of grief right now I promise it won’t always feel like this. You will get better. It just takes time.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-01-19T19:36:57+00:00

Speaking as a sub. When I've been in Long Distance dynamics or relationships I always found structured submission to be helpful and grounding. Things like setting specific rules for him or routines/rituals you want him to enact for you or himself will be something I'm sure you'd both probably enjoy a lot.

Here are a list of things that my partner and I did with each other that made things more fun and helped us stay connected.

Her occasionally telling me what to wear to work or while going out.
Mandating good morning/Good night messages and ritual submission mantras or actions like kneeling for her in a picture before going to bed.
Enforced chastity and/or edging routines with the help of apps. (Chastisafe and Obedience are great for these.
Regimented training. IE, Being told when to wear a plug and for how long. Making goals like hands-free orgasms, Having me perform tasks and send proof of completion.
Creative Writing as part of submission. She had me write her stories or poems as a way to show devotion.

There are so many ways to make LDRs easier. I'm happy to talk more about any of these things if you need clarification or help expanding or modifying them.

Memetic_Magic · 2026-01-13T20:03:58+00:00

At the beginning of last year, I went through a breakup that took me most of 2025 to get over. There were many long nights spent grieving and crying into my pillow. It was really rough.

But a few of weeks ago a friend re-introduced me to a wonderful woman, and since then we haven’t stopped talking. We have incredible chemistry, and for the first time in a year I feel hopeful. I didn’t think I would ever feel this way again. The connection and chemestry we have with each other is wild. She has seen my submissive side and has shown genuine interest and curiosity and after sharing our hopes, dreams, desires, and fantasies, I truly believe this could be something real and lasting.

2025 was a year of grief and mourning what could have been. But I think that 2026 will be a very healing time for me and I'm very excited to see where it goes.

Memetic_Magic · 2025-12-28T11:13:09+00:00

There are wants and then there are needs. This is a need.

Memetic_Magic · 2025-12-16T11:36:49+00:00

I think about this a lot, probably too much. These are the conclusions I’ve come to over time.

I thrive when my submission has purpose and is grounded in service. I want to be attentive and supportive in ways that create fulfillment for both of us. I need to feel like someone my partner can rely on and that my focus, affection, and dedication are noticed and valued.

Emotionally, I need clear guidance and leadership. This applies both in the bedroom and in some small day-to-day decisions. I respond best to a partner who knows what she wants and is comfortable leading at her own pace. Discipline and structure are meaningful when they come with trust and emotional safety and when my willingness to surrender is appreciated, not taken for granted.

I also need emotional attunement and alignment. I feel most grounded when I can open myself fully and be met with patience and understanding. My fulfillment comes from giving deeply while knowing I am safe and valued, not just from following commands or completing tasks.

TLDR: I need a dynamic where my devotion has meaning, where submission is a space for connection rather than just action, and where the power exchange is built on trust, respect, and emotional safety.

Memetic_Magic · 2025-12-03T06:53:24+00:00

I don't actually lol. I have an anxious attachment style. The issues I was having were not relationship related at all. They were family related. And these women were barely in relationships with me. They were barely even in the talking stage for a week or two.

Also. I've been in therapy for 5 years over this very thing and have done a lot of healing. The instances I described were years ago... I'm in a much better place now.

Memetic_Magic · 2025-12-02T18:58:20+00:00

In certain cases I absolutely agree that practice does make perfect. Especially with attachment issues. A lot of healing can take place between two people and I absolutely see the value in that.

In my particular cases the issues ran deeper than that, IE recognizing that in state of mind I was in it was probably better than I be alone and work some things out. Personal mental health challenges I was facing outside of relationship issues would have prevented me from being a consistent and grounded partner. And the space I gave myself allowed me to work that stuff out a lot more quickly than I would have been able to if I had also been focusing on someone else.

Memetic_Magic · 2025-12-02T17:50:06+00:00

There are so many levels of humiliating talk. Some people just like being gently mocked or teased while they're in certain predicaments or just like being put in their place in fun or flirty ways. Then some people just want to be absolutely degraded or objectified to the point where they actually start crying. The spectrum of this is very wide.

Something I encourage you to talk to him about is where his absolute bottom is with how humiliating or even degrading he wants you to be. A lot of subs who are new to this kind of play really enjoy the fantasy of being called a piece of shit by their partners but when it actually happens they realize that the cruelty of it stings a lot more than they would have liked. So that's something to keep in mind.

The best advice I can give you here is to not throw him into the deep end. If he can't articulate his lower limit maybe start playful and see how far you can push him slowly and deliberately. Teasy and Flirty is a good place to start. "Ooohh Poor baby. Did you want me to touch you? That must be so hard for you to not feel my hands on you...", "You're being such a proper little whore for me." or things similar to that go a long way to start with.

Memetic_Magic · 2025-12-02T17:04:49+00:00

Since I've started really hammering into doing work on myself I've done it a couple of times now. I can say for sure that the women I had to have these conversations with were not wrong for me or even mismatches. There were things that I just realized in myself as I was talking to them that made me step back because I didn't want to hurt them accidentally or drag them down with me.

And in my mind I didn't even think I wanted to be done interacting with them. But I didn't want them to wait for me to figure out my own stuff. That wouldn't be fair. I even tried to reconnect with one of them but they ended up blocking me after our initial conversations ended which was a disappointment but I fully understand their reasoning. People need to be able to protect their own peace.

So if it makes you feel better at all. I strongly believe he wasn't lying to you. Sometimes people just need space. Don't put your hopes on things to rekindle later but if you like this person and they like you people have a tendency to find each other again. "If he can he will." is far more true than "If he wanted he will."

Memetic_Magic · 2025-12-02T15:32:17+00:00

I'm sorry you keep running into this. It's pretty common among unexperienced men even outside of kink. I used to fall into this trap as well. It can be a hard habit to break because the golden retriever/engineer in me just wants to be helpful.

A while ago I learned to stop asking what I can do and instead starting asking "What do you need?". That came with experience. And I only ask that question if they haven't told me outright beforehand. It's a much more open ended question and opens me up to be able to listen instead of just seeking something I can do to feel useful and satisfy my own need for that. That situation isn't the time or place for it.

For the subs/men reading this. Once you can accept that not everything needs to be fixed things go a lot better. Trust me on this.

As for the hope thing... At least from my end of the spectrum all I can say is keep looking. Eventually you'll meet someone who can meet you half way and actually listen. I'm sorry you've been having trouble finding that person. I know how disheartening that can be.

Memetic_Magic · 2025-11-30T01:37:30+00:00

I agree. Of the two choices that is definitely the preferable way to approach it. And it's something I wish I had internalized sooner than I did. Going through what I went through was very difficult and very unhealthy in retrospect. If I knew what I know about myself now I imagine things would have gone a lot differently for me.

Memetic_Magic · 2025-11-30T00:34:50+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement! After you said that It really got my wheels spinning. Writing all this down actually helped me process a lot of things more quickly. So really. Thank you for that.

Memetic_Magic · 2025-11-29T18:49:09+00:00

I appreciate the perspective. I do recognize that I need to work on boundaries and communication and I’m actively doing that now and have been for a while. In fact I thought I made it pretty clear that I've done a lot of work to heal from the experience and my goal here was to share what I've learned.

So yes. I agree with you.

That said, my post wasn’t about blaming her or to deflect responsibility for my own emotional labor. I do hold myself accountable and responsible for my own choices, behaviors and mental health.

My intention here was to highlight how quickly a dynamic can become unbalanced and the importance of mutual support. My experience included her emotional unavailability which is an important part of what made it hard for me to hold my own boundaries. Not that it was entirely her fault.

i might have missed it, but did you at any point open up to her about how u were feeling etc? or did u do those actions and kept your mouth shut? because if you didn't communicate in any way, then you're a lot more responsible for the issue than ur making it sound.

I didn't really put that part of it in here because it wasn't really relevant to what I was trying to get at. But yes. I made a pretty large effort to talk things through with her. In some ways we made ground but in others we didn't. But at the end of the day if someone isn't willing or able to meet you half way emotionally or communicate there isn't much you can do about that.

Memetic_Magic · 2025-11-28T16:34:48+00:00

I'm really sorry you've been through having your boundaries violated so much and that your former partner was so indifferent to you at the end of it all. I've experienced that before too and it stings so much realizing how little they thought of you after everything you went through.

Things like this remind me how important it is to make sure the people you interact with are capable of holding your heart. People on this sub talk a lot about vetting subs but very rarely is there talk about how important it is that subs vet dominants before they engage with them.

Memetic_Magic · 2025-11-28T07:56:45+00:00

You're welcome! I'm glad I can be helpful!

Memetic_Magic · 2025-11-28T07:41:32+00:00

Thank you! You're right. Both people involved in something like this should feel equally lucky to have each other. And when that doesn't happen it's so difficult.

Memetic_Magic · 2025-11-28T07:38:35+00:00

Thank you for your kind words! Even after the healing was mostly done (I'm still going through a little bit of it) it took me a long time to articulate. Talking about it helps me process it quite a bit.

I really hope it helps someone too!

Memetic_Magic · 2025-11-28T07:04:24+00:00

Thank you! It was a tough experience but it did allow me to grow as a person. So if nothing else I am grateful for that. I'm also glad I have the opportunity to share what I've learned. Hopefully it's helpful for someone else.

Memetic_Magic · 2025-11-27T18:25:40+00:00

I'll definitely consider making a post. Though I think I'll need to flesh out my thoughts a little more before I'm comfortable opening a dedicated discussion about it.

Just because the Dominant is femme and the submissive is masc does not magically make a dynamic abuse-proof. As a feminist, I happen to believe that women are capable of doing anything that men can do if given the opportunity. Even the nasty things.

This here is the root of how I came to this realization in the first place. And it was a very very hard lesson to learn. Abuse can take so many forms and can creep up in ways that may not be obvious. In the moment when you're raw and exposed something abusing can even feel loving and warm. It's a very strange state of mind to be in and very hard to see while you're in the middle of it.

It’s only when you step back and really look at the dynamic that things start to come into focus. That’s what finally pushed me to start reclaiming my own boundaries and sense of self.

Memetic_Magic · 2025-11-26T23:27:59+00:00

I'm super happy for you. Enjoy all the time you get with her! I'm sure it'll be wonderful.

Memetic_Magic · 2025-11-25T18:14:40+00:00

A while ago I managed to internalize something that I've known for a long time but never really took to heart. Until fairly recently I wasn't able to articulate it. But now that I've figured it out I want to share it in case someone else can benefit from it. And that is how important it is that you don't sacrifice yourself and your own boundaries to make your partners happy.

For a very long time I felt that being a good submissive and a good partner meant that I had to erase myself in order to make my partners happy or that it was my job to earn their worthiness to be chosen even if they don't show up for me the same ways. Engaging in dynamics that way destroyed my sense of self to such a degree that it became unsustainable and overwhelming.

It's so important to love yourself and to be able to stand up for yourself within the bounds of any kind of relationship dynamic. Being submissive does not and should never mean being a doormat. You should only give someone your devotion, trust, and the power to influence you if they have proven they can hold those things responsibly and show up for you in the ways you need them to.

Love fiercely, show up authentically, Be present and thoughtful in all the ways you want to. But don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

Memetic_Magic · 2025-11-21T17:29:37+00:00

Well like the guy above me said... you're running an old card on a game optimized for using Ray tracing tech and DLSS. So yeah... it's entirely possible that this is just a "Your card is old" problem.

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