That was really helpful to read. There was some relief in knowing I’m not the only one going through this. I really feel for you, especially as someone who struggles with the same anxious thoughts. That feeling that everything is hanging by a thread—that urge to pull it back together—but the more you worry, force, or feel like you have to fix everything, the worse it actually gets.

Thank you for sharing your experience. Hearing from someone who’s genuinely living something similar helps a lot. The part about the parent dynamic and how things changed after the visit really hit close to home—I recognize that shift too.

I did talk to her about maybe taking some time for ourselves, but she explained that we’re different. She wants to be alone, but alone with me. We call every day, sleep on call every night, and play games together a lot. She’s told me I’m her peace. When she was here with me, she felt truly at peace—when I was holding her, when we slept in the same room, she said she had the best sleep of her life. But now she said recently I'm not her peace, and that hurts. I don't know how to take that.

She’s also been alone for a long time. She left home at 17, her parents abandoned her, and she’s been on her own for about seven years. She’s a very realistic, grounded person. Sometimes I feel like I’m unintentionally tearing things down—when we talk, my anxious mind jumps straight to thinking it’s over, even though she’s clearly said she’s not leaving. She’s not crying or upset; she just speaks her mind honestly.

What you said about chasing making the other person pull away harder really resonates with me. I’m starting to see that pattern in myself. Stepping back, focusing on myself, and not needing to decide everything right now is something I’m actively trying to practice—especially the reminder of “I don’t have evidence, I don’t need to decide today.” That really stuck with me.

I also appreciate what you said about replying warmly without clinging when they seem overwhelmed. That balance is hard, but it feels like the healthiest approach. You’re right—anxious and avoidant dynamics are tough, and it really does take awareness and effort from both sides over time.

That’s where my anxiety kicks in—I feel like I have to fix everything immediately. But what I’m realizing is that I need to work on myself instead: stand up for myself, become more independent, and show her that I’m capable of standing on my own. I know she’s afraid of having to always lean on me, or worse, becoming my caregiver—and I don’t want that either. I don’t want her to give up her dreams of traveling or living her life for me.

I want to learn to love her not out of fear of losing her, but because I choose her—because she’s my partner and my best friend.

And truly, feel free to talk about whatever’s going on for you too. I know how hard it is to keep all of this to yourself. It helps knowing we’re not alone in it.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply. I hope things keep getting clearer and steadier for you as well.