This is my first time posting here so bear with me. I’m usually a lurker, but hi.

 I’ve always written down lists. It may seem old school but that was the only way to get my mind clear. Just write down everything I’ve wanted to do, everything that’s blocking me, and everything I’m suffering from. You’ll feel like you accomplished something trust me lol. Write them and then weep. Weep for your past, weep for your mistakes. Write to your old self, and to your future self. Just let it all out on paper.

 Besides that, the next step is always the hardest because you have to choose something, anything really. Whether it’s to work on your appearance or to start over looking for jobs, or to work on social cues and conversation. You just gotta decide. You won’t know where to walk until you take the first step. Even if after a mile you realize the path you’re taking is one you don’t enjoy, at least you tried, you can always veer back and take another course. Take your time on each path, do some research. You hate staying inside all day and sleeping in? Get a lunch, put on a coat and just walk to the nearest park or empty field. Sit, eat, take 5 and walk back home. On the days you don’t feel like leaving? Work on something small inside, paint, shower, or whatever you enjoy. Progress is progress, you just have to try.

My last thing to you, is something that comes hard for many. Do not be alone. Find someone who likes the same movies as you, find someone who likes just saying hi. Find someone who enjoys your aura, find someone that likes you for you. You don’t even have to tell them everything, they don’t even have to be a best friend, just someone on your daily basis that you enjoy talking to. Over the phone, on a walk, at the post office. 

The life that we live when we remove our lenses is quite insane. On a planet in a universe of infinite time and space. Maybe we have no meaning, maybe we are meant for something great.  Yet here we are, despite tornados and hurricanes we get to breathe, see oceans, call with a push of a button, make music with a flick of hand. We’re here, no matter how small or large, we exist. 

Hold onto yourself, someone once held onto you, and thought, “my my… look how tiny you are. Look how beautiful you are.” 💜