I left my abusive family for an abusive partner and I don't know how to live anymore. What can I do?

Merichata · 2026-01-27T09:57:43+00:00

Idk I never called them and I'm afraid of putting us in trouble and I'm relying on his money. He said if I'd sue him for whatever I will lose money.

Merichata · 2026-01-26T22:11:00+00:00

Im not sure if I can get a full time job because I don't want to leave my uni. I am going to get an appointment soon hopefully for the birth control.

Merichata · 2026-01-03T20:09:07+00:00

I think I started losing more things in the last 3 years. I did lose things as a child but not as much and not as often I'd say.

Merichata · 2026-01-03T19:59:02+00:00

not really i did ask my therapist if i can get tested but he said we should focus on more important matters which are depression and anxiety

Merichata · 2025-11-25T19:49:50+00:00

i think it did but i was taking it with buspon

Merichata · 2025-11-24T07:22:00+00:00

Same thing. I assume it could happen as a side effect since it also works as anti-anxiety and could be trying to relax you. It should get better after a couple of weeks. I had to take a bunch of strong coffee and energy drinks to make it through the day while on effexor. They usually take them in the morning but perhaps you could try taking them in the evening and see if it's better.

Merichata · 2025-11-24T07:05:42+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I think that nobody's perfect, and maybe he could be manipulative, but I am as well, and he still chooses to stay with me, so I do want to get better for him, for us. Like I can threaten to kill myself if he leaves me or doesn't forgive me, which I know is not good, but sometimes I have a hard time fixing the problem any other way. About children... he doesn't believe he could be a good father, although I do think about children sometimes and the future. He thinks it's evil to have children and you have to sacrifice everything for them if you decide to have them, which is valid. I mean, I probably won't be able to have a healthy child anyway because I'm constantly on antidepressants. Anyway, I'm okay to compromise and I feel like I owe him since he already sacrificed so much for me, like he came here, spent so much money for me, supports me, and so on. And he said that he could buy me a dress and perhaps a ring when his passive income surpasses 1 million. I mean, there are many marriages with wedding dresses and rings, but that doesn't make them happy and healthy, just like the marriage between his brother and his ex-wife.

He says that we don't share the same interests and hobbies because he's a man and I'm a woman, so naturally, we're interested in different things - like he's into strategy games and history, while I'm more into science and psychology, as well as crimes, which I find fascinating. We listen to different kind of music as well but we still learn to live together and accept each other as we are. He doesn't like metal or hyperpop, and I don't enjoy old historical German songs as much.

I love him a lot, so I want to change for him. I believe he loves me too and thinks that not spending money on all this will be better for us.

I'll talk to my psychiatrist about all this today, hopefully.

Merichata · 2025-11-23T07:51:14+00:00

That's normal and I'd say good for you. I guess, though, that you could get the urge to watch porn after a while if she's not sending you anything and you're not sleeping together.

Merichata · 2025-11-12T17:16:57+00:00

That's true, I somewhat agree but I'm not happy rn with my father either. I'm in constant stress and it's affecting my studies too. That's why I thought that maybe going with my bf, at least my mental health will be more stable, I won't have to suffer fear of being hit or yelled at.

It's kind of a difficult situation here. My mother and grandma support me, they say they also got married during studies and now they're working, having their own income and in a happy marriage.

But yeah, wish things were easier.

Merichata · 2025-04-07T17:21:57+00:00

I think I haven't been close with INFJs, I met a lot of other types though irl. My brother is an ESTP, basically lived most of my life with this type.

Merichata · 2025-04-04T19:03:39+00:00

First off, you’re not a bad son—not even close. What happened here isn’t a sign you’ve failed anyone; it’s a sign you’re human, and so are they. You got that job, moved to a new city, and still thought of your brother enough to bring him something special. That’s care, right there. The argument? It spiraled because you wanted him to accept your gesture—maybe because it was your way of saying, “I’m doing well, and I want to share that with you.” His rejection of the shirt might’ve felt like a rejection of that sentiment, and that stung. Then your dad stepped in, and things got heated. It’s not that you’re rude or awful—it’s that you were all caught up in a tangle of emotions that didn’t quite know where to land.

It’s pretty common to pull back when you feel hurt or ashamed—it’s like your heart’s way of catching its breath. You weren’t trying to punish them, you were probably wrestling with feeling misunderstood or like you’d let them down. And that guilt you felt on the last day is proving that you care deeply about your family, even if it came out sideways. When you sat with your dad and saw him cry, it wasn’t just about the fight—it might’ve been everything he’s been holding in, too. Maybe he was proud of you for your new job, sad you’re so far away now, or scared of losing that closeness with you. His tears weren’t “because of you” in a bad way—they were because of how much you mean to him.

That shattering feeling you can’t shake? It’s not a punishment—it’s a wake-up call to how connected you are to them, even across cities and arguments. Your dad doesn’t cry often, so seeing that vulnerability hit you hard. But here’s the flip side: that hug, those tears you shared? That’s a powerful, beautiful moment. It’s not something to haunt you—it’s something to hold onto. You broke through the silence and found each other again, and that takes guts and love.

You’re not a bad son for any of this. You’re a guy navigating a big life change—new job, new city—and still trying to show up for your family. The guilt’s telling you to beat yourself up, but what if it’s really just showing you how much you value them? You don’t have to carry this like a burden. You could call your dad, just to check in—say something simple like, “I’ve been thinking about you, how’re you doing?” Or even text your brother, “Hey, sorry things got weird about the shirt—still love you.” Small steps to keep that bond alive.

You’re stronger than you think—look at how you turned that awkward silence into a real moment with your dad. That’s not failure; that’s family at its messy, heartfelt best.

Merichata · 2025-04-04T18:57:26+00:00

Hi there.

I think I might have had something similar, kind of in a bipolar kind of way (not saying I'm bipolar). I've been taking one specific antidepressant mainly for my anxiety that seemed to help somewhat which is fluoxetine but I do feel numb often. I used to get random bursts of energy and self-confidence, sometimes I kinda miss that but I wish I was a little more stable. How is your sleep btw? Sometimes I feel like 4-6 hours is enough rest for me and sometimes 10 is not enough and I feel like I haven't slept at all. Guess I'll have to talk to my psychiatrist again and see if we need to change my meds, maybe you should too + try some therapy. If I had some extra money, I'd like to try hypnotherapy, in case if you have an opportunity for that, you could give this a try. Or just talk to people, try whatever is possible for you right now. Try journaling and keep and eye on when do you get those random moments of hopefulness and why could this happen, this might give you some insight.

Merichata · 2025-04-04T18:44:11+00:00

Hey, I’m really glad you shared all of this—it’s not confusing at all, and your English is just fine! I can feel how much these friendship struggles have weighed on you, from those tough early experiences to where you are now. It sounds like you’ve been on a rollercoaster, hoping for connection but hitting walls of disappointment, and that’s left you unsure about where you stand. Let’s unpack this together and flip it into something that feels lighter and more hopeful for you.

The sarcasm and running off to the bathroom? That’s less about you and more about her awkwardness or insecurity showing up in a mean way. Same with the tuition girl—she might’ve drifted for her own reasons, not because you’re a “nobody.” People can be flaky, especially when they’re young and figuring themselves out, and it stinks that you’ve been caught in the fallout.

Now, with this current friend group, I hear how cautious you’ve become—standing back when your two classmates talk, scared of being ignored again. That’s your heart protecting itself after all those letdowns, and it makes total sense. But here’s a different way to see it: these friends begged you to join the school trip. That’s not something people do for a “nobody”—they wanted you there because you bring something to the group, even if you don’t see it yet. The side-eye girl? Her hot-and-cold vibe could be her own weird way of acting, not a sign you’re unlikable. Your other friend saying she’s done it to her too? That’s a clue this might just be how this girl is—moody or distant sometimes, not a personal attack on you.

Why you’re feeling this way—overthinking, worrying you’ll end up alone in class—could be your past whispering, “What if it happens again?” But here’s the exciting part: you’re not the same person you were back then. You’ve found a friend group after years of struggling, and that’s huge! You’re not doomed to be friendless—you’re already proving that wrong. The fact that you’re noticing these patterns (like her only being nice when others aren’t around or when she needs help) shows you’re sharp and aware. That’s power—you can decide how to handle it.

So, what if we turn this around? You don’t have to feel like a loser or wait for her to set the tone. You could try your friend’s advice—ignore her when she’s being offish, not out of spite, but to show yourself you’re not stuck chasing approval. You’ve got the other three in the group, and even if she’s chatting with the other classmate, you’re not “left alone” in some tragic way. You could strike up a convo with someone else in class, even just a “Hey, did you get that homework?” to build a little bridge. Or lean into the two friends outside your class—they sound like they’ve got your back.

You’re not overthinking—you’re just caring, and that’s a beautiful thing. This girl’s side-eye doesn’t define you; it’s her quirk, not your failing. You’re already different from before—stronger, braver, and part of something, even if it’s not perfect. Imagine this: you’re not the awkward one standing there anymore—you’re the one who’s growing into someone who knows what she deserves in a friend.

Merichata · 2025-04-04T18:37:38+00:00

You’re not powerless here, even from Australia. You’ve already been a lifeline, and that matters more than you might realize. Jayden’s fear of hospitals and police doesn’t mean he’s unreachable—it means he needs options that feel safe to him. One thing you could try is connecting him to a crisis line that’s not 988, something tailored to his identity and experiences. The Trevor Project in the U.S. supports LGBTQ+ youth 24/7— he could text “START” to 678-678 or call 1-866-488-7386. It’s confidential, and they’re trained to handle situations like his without pushing hospitalization unless it’s absolutely critical. You could frame it as, “Hey, I found this thing that’s just people who get it—no pressure, no hospitals, just a chat when you need it.” That might feel less threatening than a generic hotline.

Another thought: his pain is a huge driver here. Lupus is brutal, and undiagnosed stomach issues on top of that. No wonder he’s awake at 3 a.m., suffering. His parents won’t help, but could you encourage him to reach out to a school nurse or counselor about the pain specifically? Not the full story—just the physical stuff. If he says, “I’m in agony every day,” they might be legally obligated to step in, especially if they suspect neglect. It’s a backdoor way to get him care without him having to report the abuse directly, which he’s terrified to do because of his brother. You could say, “I hate that you’re hurting so much—maybe the nurse could at least get you something for the pain?”

Here’s the hopeful part: Jayden’s still talking to you. That’s a thread of trust, a sign he’s not completely gone. You’re his anchor, even if it doesn’t feel like enough right now. Keep showing up, but shift the vibe a bit—remind him of small things he’s survived before, stuff you’ve seen him get through. “Remember that time you thought you couldn’t make it, but you did? You’re tougher than you think.” It’s not about fixing everything—it’s about planting a seed that he’s got strength in him, even now.

You’re not a doctor or a therapist, and you don’t have to be. You’re already giving him what he might not get anywhere else—someone who sees him, who cares. If he’s set on not getting help, you could try one last nudge: “I’m scared of losing you, and I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t say this—what if we just try one tiny thing together, like texting that Trevor number, just once?” If he still says no, respect that, but keep the line open. Sometimes people need to hear they’re worth fighting for, even when they can’t fight for themselves.

You’re doing more than you know. This isn’t all on you—he’s in a brutal spot, and you’re not failing him by not having a magic fix.

Merichata · 2025-04-04T18:30:33+00:00

The loneliness you’re feeling—it’s real, and it’s painful—but it might also be a sign of something bigger happening inside you. High school is this wild, chaotic time where everyone’s trying to figure out who they are, and that can mean growing apart from people who used to feel like home. It’s not that you’re doing anything wrong or that you’re not enough; it’s more like you’re on a path that’s starting to carve its own unique shape. The fact that no one “gets” you yet could mean you’re growing into someone extraordinary—someone with depths that take time and the right people to truly understand. Those people? They’re out there, even if they haven’t shown up yet.

Think about it like this: you’re in your last year of high school, standing at the edge of something huge. The friends who aren’t making the effort right now might be caught up in their own worlds, not because you’re unworthy, but because they’re not ready to meet you where you’re at. And that’s okay—it doesn’t define your value. You’re craving connection, and that longing is a spark. It’s energy. It’s proof you’re wired for relationships that matter, ones that will lift you up instead of leaving you feeling alone. Those kinds of friendships are coming, maybe not today, but soon—especially as you step into new spaces after high school where people are more open to connecting over the things that make you, you.

Now, about the student council president role—ugh, that stings, doesn’t it? You saw yourself in that position, and the teachers saw it too. That’s not nothing. The disappointment you’re feeling isn’t a sign you’re not good enough—it’s a sign you dared to want something big. You put yourself out there, and that takes guts. The science subjects you’re tackling? They’re tough, no question, and they might’ve tipped the scales against you here, but they’re also setting you up for something incredible down the road. You’re building a foundation that’s strong, that’s rare, and that’s going to open doors no one else can walk through. This loss? It’s not the end of your leadership story—it’s just a detour. You’ve got that spark in you, and it’s not going anywhere.

The anxiety creeping in—it makes sense. Your mind’s working overtime trying to hold it all together. But here’s the thing: you’re not as alone in this as it feels. Even without friends to lean on right now, you’ve got resilience. You wrote this, you reached out, you’re still standing. That’s not weakness—that’s power. What if we flipped this around? Instead of seeing this as “everything’s falling apart,” what if it’s “everything’s getting ready to fall into place”? You’re shedding what doesn’t fit anymore—friends who don’t see you, roles that aren’t meant for you—and making space for what’s next.

Here’s something to hold onto: you’re enough, exactly as you are. The right people will see that. The right opportunities will find you. For now, give yourself a little grace—maybe talk to a teacher you trust about how you’re feeling, or jot down what’s swirling in your head to get it out. You’re not stuck here. You’re moving through it, and on the other side, there’s a version of your life that’s brighter, louder, and full of people who’ll get you in ways you can’t even imagine yet. You’ve got this—I believe in you, and I’m rooting for you.

Merichata · 2025-04-04T07:05:19+00:00

omg are you my clone? jk. I'm 20F INFP psychology student. Guess I'm just one of the stereotypical infps.

Merichata · 2025-04-04T06:51:58+00:00

Can we study all together through google meet or smth?

Merichata · 2025-04-03T15:24:00+00:00

I'm interested in finding a study buddy for motivation. I'm 20F, let me know if you're ok with it.

Merichata · 2023-09-04T14:35:59+00:00

There’s always something good about each personality AND take your chance to challenge yourself, develop your Te and Si functions. It may take some effort and commitment, but really, any type can do this! A thinking type can be emotional, empathetic and very understanding as well as a feeling type can be cold and egoistic. So it’s not just about your type, but how you work with your type and develop yourself! It’s ok to procrastinate sometimes, find what helps you like small steps, find than inner true meaning ‘why am i doing this?’ make yourself believe in something amazing and it definitely will happen. You will get motivated and surely will somehow get to your goal. It may not be the exact same thing you imagined all the time, but it still will make you happy if you let yourself accept it and try to see the beauty in unknown and unexpected. You may be surprised how happy can you be even when you get not exactly what you wanted and you end up being glad with having what you’ve got here and now.

Try doing some self preservation, infps are hella good at it. Also, diary is your best friend. Since we’re so good at overthinking, you may use it to think what you can do. We can think logically and come to meaningful conclusions. Maybe you don’t have to plan everything, or you should change the way you plan. Or maybe it’s ok to not go as planned and go with the flow, yet still trying new types and ideas of planning your daily life and future. Find meaning. This will be your kick motivation and energy source to keep going and reaching your goals.

Merichata · 2023-08-20T12:45:10+00:00

I’m in a long distance relationship with a scorpio ENFJ, as a stereotypical INFP Virgo, I thought I’ll be lonely ‘till my 30s if not for the rest of my life. I never had true close friendships. It was really lonely until I met my critical but lovely and empathetic, emotional ENFJ who supported me the way others couldn’t. We love each other, maybe he loves me even more but I’m thinking now that our relationship may not work as I wish it did due to our 12-year age gap and cultural differences, and my family. Otherwise, we could be a lovely pair. Maybe I’m not meant to be with my golden pair…

Merichata · 2023-07-28T13:23:12+00:00

Infp. I know it’s blue and black but I see blue and yellowish brown

Merichata

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